I am not usually at home at this time on a Saturday afternoon. Today I am.
Until now, I hadn't intended to answer you. You said:
I do not know your intent and frankly, do not trust your intent.
If you do not trust me when I state my intent, we have no basis for meaningful communication.
Whether or not you had just cause to be angry, I can't say. I CAN say that in the matter of your 'gender joke' I (and Bigboi) had just cause to be deceived... even angry. You say that "your stance on that issue was ridiculous" but what you will apparently never see nor own up to is that my "stance" regarding your gender was based entirely on YOUR WORDS !Event:
Ginny says, "Actually, I'm a man. 'Ginny' is just my agent persona."
Ginny has told a joke.Feeling:
Event: Ginny says, "Actually, I'm a man. 'Ginny' is just my agent persona."
Interpretation: Ginny has told a lie.
Feeling: Angry and indignant.
Response: Confronts Ginny about her bad conduct.
Event: Ginny says, "I have a confession. I'm also Englishman and Tina."
(from http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.asp?id=18727&site=3#231064 )
Interpretation: Ginny has told a joke.
I made a false statement, and you [Bigboi] and Teejay got a wrong impression. It appears to me that both you and Teejay feel that someone needs to take responsibility for this wrong impression. Who is at fault? Who is liable?Please accept responsibility for your own interpretation, Teejay, and stop trying to shift the blame onto my shoulders.
I felt that my false statements were presented within a context that would give the careful reader cues that I was making a joke: "Ginny is just my agent persona," "Big Mean Hairy Hoss." In all of my posts previous to the one in question, and in all of my posts since, I have always referred to myself as female.
I realize that there are people in this world who need a "Liquid is very HOT" warning on a cup of coffee. I do not write for them. I do not plan to use joke disclaimers in my posts. I trust that anyone who wonders whether I am joking or being serious will ask. I feel that my liability in this case is very small.
Please think about your share of the liability. Did you read the surrounding context of my statement? Did you think about the connection between my being a man and my secret agent persona? Did either of you ask me afterwards if I was serious or joking? The only hint I received was your, "Ginny, That is sooooooooo wrong!!!" which I thought had a double meaning like, "That is soooo bad!" (Jive is not one of my fortes.)
As soon as Teejay made it clear that he literally thought I was a man, I explained the truth. It was then that I learned that you, too, literally thought I was a man.
Should I apologize? If so, for what? For making a joke? For the inability of some of my readers to read the surrounding context and understand? I do not feel it is wrong to make jokes, and I will not apologize for that. Nor do I plan to adjust my humor for the literal-minded. If you read my posts, please do so at your own risk.
That was: I *always* knew that they said more about YOU -- who/what you were/are -- than they ever could about ME.
That's exactly how I feel about your posts, too, Teejay.
I know who I am. You don't. Your disparaging comments had no weight or validity because I knew you were speaking from ignorance -- your ignorance. Other factors were also at play I understood, but never did real truth or a harmony with the facts/reality as to the kind of person I am stand as any kind of support for what you said. For that reason, I could continue (and HAVE continued) to participate on this forum with you without malice, often doing so one on one. (be quiet Bigboi!... you know what I meant!)
When you speak about me, you are also speaking from ignorance--your ignorance. I, too, have tried to participate on this forum without malice. I try to be compassionate and understanding, yet very firm. I am human, and sometimes I am not civil.
I find it interesting that you seem to nearly brag (MY opinion) that you didn't apologize because... well... you weren't sorry. Interesting. It's one thing to adamantly refuse to say "I'm sorry" when new information shows us that a long held viewpoint has been right all along. It's quite another to show a staunch refusal to apologize when you make comments meant to injure (as you say was YOUR goal) or make comments that injure by mistake. I would think that when emotions settled and we looked back on it, we'd be happy to volunteer an apology.
I have learned how little lies snowball into big ones, Teejay. I firmly believe that the most dangerous lies are the lies we tell ourselves. If I am not honest with myself, I cannot be honest with others.
When I look back on my behavior and consider the circumstances and what I knew then--my perceptions, knowledge, and understanding--I feel no regret. If I were back in the same situation again, knowing only what I knew then, I would do the exact same thing. To say, "I am sorry," would be a lie, and I do not like to lie, even to preserve social relations. I don't like to pretend and would rather be direct and straightforward. Anyone who cannot accept the truth from me is not the kind of person I want for a friend anyway. This is why I like Tina so much. She may not always "season her sayings with salt," but you never have to wonder where you stand with her.
It's simply the right thing to do. I thought everyone knew that.
Neither you nor Prisca can decide for me what is right or wrong. I must answer to my own conscience.
Comic/writer/actor Steve Martin said: "An apology? Bah! Disgusting! Cowardly! Beneath the dignity of any gentleman, however wrong he might be." Is that how YOU feel? Is it beneath you, disgusting or cowardly to say "I'm sorry"? If that's how you feel, you need to adjust your thinking. We all make mistakes... even Ginny.
Sure, I make mistakes, and I try to freely admit them. I try not to take myself too seriously. On the other hand, I will not accept an unfair burden of blame just so that you will feel better.
A stubborn resistance to do what others know is right does nothing to build esteem.
I try to judge for myself what is morally right. I do not feel compelled to do "what others know is right."
Last, you said that your opinion of me has changed because now you see redeeming qualities. I submit a second unassailable truth: I HAVEN'T CHANGED. The only thing that has changed about me is your perception.
All of the same can be said about your perceptions of me. One difference is that I hope to be constantly growing and changing. In fact, my opinion of you has changed yet again since I last posted. The redeeming qualities I mentioned have been outweighed by your judgmental attitude, your need to blame and shame others, and your pettiness. Once again, from what I have seen of your behavior on this board, you disgust me.
You and I have no basis for meaningful communication, Teejay.
If you understand, things are just as they are.
If you do not understand, things are just as they are.
--Zen Buddhist saying