My Wife is demanding that I stop coming to this board.

by garyneal 160 Replies latest social family

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep

    Have you tried chipping away at that 607 proof? I would love to hear a running commentary on that one.

    My wife and my parents hate it when I bring it up, they have no option other than to put on a brave face and pretend that 'the answer is in the Whatever Book .

    When you have the knife in, don't forget to twist it.



  • zagor

    Stick to your guns, don't apologize for it, doesn't mean you need to be doing it into her face but hiding around is not good for your sanity either. I wonder what would happen if you demanded that she stops telling you about JW meetings or her going to the meetings... Its a free country and people have right to decide their own destiny without anyone telling them what to do.
    I've been through it so I can say give her space, time and a chance as not everyone goes through it at the same pace but if marriage becomes dependent on you not coming here or anywhere else for that matter .... well only you can then decide what you'll do.

  • moshe


    Find something, anything that your wife is not in agreement with official WT dogma on- small is good . Keep track of it and build on that. Use it to open a dialogue. Once she has seen that life is OK disagreeing with one small WT teaching find another small thing she can agree to disagree on, and then another. Like water running over a dam, you will break the hold of the WT mentality.

    Second, If you live in a larger city see about dance lessons for the new year- a studio that has group classes and dance parties is best. Having something fun to do with her spouse and being among non-witnesses is great therapy for her. JW's don't see how weird they are, because they only hang out with other weird JW's.

    Third, find some charity work she will help you with- there are many civic organizations to pick from- helping at a thrift shop,soup kitchen, etc. JW's just don't see how out of wack their ideas about charity work are.

    The goal is- I don't agree with all 100% of the WT teachings, JW's are weird - no fun to be around, and JW's don't display the biblical fruits of charity that Jesus commanded- = maybe I don't like being a JW anymore.

  • restrangled

    Gary, I hope things work out for you and your wife, they probably will. My parents went through this after 30 years of marriage. My dad an elder, he left it all behind...the religion.

    One bit of information my mom received was that frequenting "apostate" sites on the Internet is considered spiritual pornography. A double dirty word and connotation. Of course it is nothing of the sort but really fueled her fire.

    Eventually they worked out that each individual is allowed their beliefs, thoughts, etc. They also learned they could not discuss the religion without getting into horrible debates and hurt feelings. So it was rarely brought up.

    I wish you the best.


  • PSacramento
    Her religion teaches her to view all opposition as validation of her beliefs.

    This is so true, so true that without understanding this, one can never truly hope of being able to "save" someone form the WT.

  • Mary

    Gary, there is no easy answer to your dilemma. As a Witness, your wife is trained to 'put Jehovah the Organization first', even before her own husband. Since she has been brainwashed to believe this is "the truth", her defense mechanisms automatically go up every time you say anything negative against the organization. The fact that she could actually say that the WTS doesn't point out other religion's errors shows how much under their control she is.

    There used to be another poster on this board who found himself in the same situation as you. His family did not exactly shun him, but because he was in a disfellowshipped state, their contact with him was fairly limited. He missed out on seeing his grandkids grow up because his daughter severely limited how often he could see them. His wife refused to listen to anything 'negative' about the Organization and obviously did not like him posting on here. He got to a point where he was either going to leave them once and for all or go back. He ended up getting reinstated so he could have the conditional love of his JW family.

    I hate to say this, but chances are, down the road you may have to face the same choice. Witnesses are trained to put their unbelieving husbands on the back burner and if it wrecks a marriage, too bad so sad. They pay lip service to "being in subjection", especially when it comes to their hubbys visiting an "apostate web site". Unless you can get her to stop and think, you'll continue to have problems like this.

    I did a project last year that uses A LOT of the Society's own quotes. It shows that they are liars, false prophets etc. etc. If you'd like a copy, please PM me with your email address and I'll send you a copy.

    All the best,


  • PSacramento


    I PM'd you about that project too, would love to see it also, if I may.


  • Open mind
    Open mind

    Here's a timeline that could work:

    Tomorrow: Agree to start studying with the JWs. Lap it up and study 2-3 times/week. (The end is near!)

    Within 6 months: Get baptized.

    2 years later: Become a Ministerial Servant

    2-3 years later: Elder.

    Begin the slow-drip method of awakening her to the "truth about the truth" when you become an elder.

    3 years later: She wakes up.


    On second thought....................never mind.


  • minimus

    just say no

  • Black Sheep
    Black Sheep



    I just spotted this .............Tonight, my wife has made it a point that starting this Friday, we will both go to the library and research the destruction of Jerusalem by Babylon.

    Nice one Gary

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