So here's what she sent early this morning. What should I say back? As anticipatred, she's become defensive very fast, and trying to psychoanalyze why I went inactive. Should I continue to give it to her "straight"? Or just basically acknowledge her and ignore it? Here's what she has to say:
You should've seen the special by John Stossel on 20/20 that I saw some time back, well, this past year. He went through the whole college-university thing and said the same thing, but more so. He showed a bunch of 'em and interviewed people and it was all on how so many of them just rip people off cuz they know that most people don't even belong there and they way overcharge and folks end up w/ nothing and huge debts. Then he went into the jobs that are really out there and they are mainly the ones which provide services for people, the medical fields and so forth. He pointed out that it used to be 'going to college' was what promised so much and so 'has it'? In essence, we have been duped. Now, do you feel that he's a hypocrite too? He reported on what he saw and found out by 'researching'. You know when you listen to one of these shows that it may not be true for every person, don't you? So, when our brothers give us guidance in these areas, can't the same thing be true? Just a little UNbiased reasoning will tell you this. Also my faith has been reaffirmed yet again as the Gov Body patiently teaches the brothers not to think in "black & white" terms. That is something that you should be able to relate to. Recall the problems on circumcision in the 1st century. There were strong feelings and many did not agree w/ those taking the lead. Remember how it was settled? There was a meeting by that Body back then. Some were clinging to the old law, weren't they? Just like now, son, some cling to the old ways. We have to ignore that & let Jehovah adjust them. At an assembly, there was a talk on education. I have felt it is definitely a personal decision and that some have to do this and I have waited as I knew the Brothers would restore the balance to the congregations. The talk was presented in a very humble, loving tone and manner. We could tell that this was deliberate; in other words, not just the demeanor of the speaker. What he said boiled down to remembering that our theocratic ed. is first and our secular is second. More good advice was, if you need to take some college courses try to make sure they will help your secular pursuits. Very loving especially for those who have no parents. We may forget that there are many brothers and sisters who don't have family guidance or anyone they can trust in their lives to help them at all. They are very grateful for this. If the F&DS was not watching over the Christ's "belongings" & so dedicated to preaching the Good News, I would know nothing about Jehovah and the Paradise. I will be eternally grateful that they are faithfully 'on the watch' son. You have not lived one day in this world without knowing the true God, His Son, your purpose in life, why there is suffering and so forth. But I lived 22 yrs w/o knowing any of this. As you know, others have lived much longer than that w/o real hope. My first green Bible was so worn it became like pages of cloth. I loved it's precious pearls of truth that always spoke to my heart. I was never taught anything in any of the churches or Sunday schools I attended. Only Jehovah's Witnesses took the time & effort to show me what was in my own Bible all that time--indeed, all of these generations. And when I study those Insight Bks and WTs, it is so crystal clear WHO has God's Spirit. It's just as the Ethiopian enuch said "how can I learn without someone to guide me?" And so all of the people who are listening as we merely open the pages of their Bibles or show a dvd to the deaf ones are rejoicing loud & clear, cuz now they know the suffering will end. How could they have any 'spirituality' sitting home all alone with no knowledge of the One who gives it son? You have no desire because you are so weak. When a person cuts off their feeding tube they will starve and they have no desire to eat. When I miss meetings or service my desire wanes. But this is due to the imperfect flesh and to Satan. And If I really allow negative thoughts to consume me I have a much harder time. And I have noticed in the past few years, the battle is getting fiercer for certain. He uses everything against us to ruin our relationship w/ Jehovah becuz he hates him and he hates us. He has no compassion for anyone and no mercy. Do not become like him be allowing your heart to stay hardened son. Son, I don't believe this is when you began feeling that way. I think it started way before, perhaps back to Bethel. Your heart is treacherous and is the one organ in you that demands to be heard. It does not want any pain and it will lie to you saying to 'blame' 'this' or 'that' when in reality it is covering up it's own depths. I believe there is pain down deep in your heart. Perhaps it is pain of feeling rejected? not measuring up? of failure in your eyes? Maybe you feel that Jehovah failed you or that you let Him down, I don't know. But I do think it may be tied up w/ the "father", whichever one, I don't know. From 2000 - 2002 you had so much trial and trauma and stress. I don't think you realize the pressure and drain it was on you mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually son. And after you received that radiation on your poor body then you were married and moved again. I did not feel you were prepared for marriage yet [daniel-p]. But you needed a companion and there she was. When you got your reappointment I know you were very happy about it as you told me and so I was too. But as I knew you were doing out-going talks and all, I honestly felt it was too much. After all, you were trying to learn to be a husband and trying to find some work. It was too much and I wish it could've been different in that respect. Knowing how those trials work on the body and mind, I was worried that everything would end up kind of 'backfiring' on you. I feel that you were exhausted emotionally and spiritually but that's when you moved to [where you live now]. When 'the time' came up, I think you 'exploded' inside and walked away. It was the vehicle used for something that had been brewing. Yes, the 'spirituality' should have been 'your own'. So why wasn't it? Somehow, somewhere Jehovah got put in 2nd place. I also think you have a problem with trust and by that I mean it is hard for you to trust even Jehovah to take care of you. Maybe this came about after your hardships as those things can perplex and confuse. You told me "I don't know Mom. The whole time I was sick I was so disillusioned." I took this to me in a spiritual way. Was I right? you must have felt like He had left you maybe? I know it was very, very hard. I know you were terribly frightened as were we. Did you know much of the time I spent right outside the ICU doors lying on a very hard and very small bench? Bro Rainey was wonderful wasn't he and do you know he was just 30 yrs old? I can only hope & pray as I have been for these past many years that you step back into the 'race' son. That you return to that precious place, the only place on the earth where Jehovah is really worshipped, where people are at least trying to discern and do God's will, where these people are there for one another and where there is true joy. Don't listen to people who have no idea of who we are..and don't listen to those whose pride has taken them over and whose hearts are hard w/ anger and bitterness. After all, [daniel-p], Jesus taught us to forgive and to be merciful. Why aren't they? I hope you will pray to Jehovah for help son, to see the TRUTH once again and that He soften your heart so that it will listen to His Word, for I see you have even lost sight of where we are in the stream of time,,and probably you no longer believe in the Paradise that He has promised? I pray hard for [your wife], that she is able to maintain her own faith and that someday her dream of pioneering will come true. Mom
