Hi guys and gals,
I am a hypocryte. Brought up in the "truth" but know its not. But I can't leave the congregation.
If I leave I will lose all association with my family and friends. Even if I drift away I would gradually become an outcast, I couldn't cope with that. So maybe I am weak or just too frightened of what happens if I do leave.
I love my wife but she is completely devout as are her family. My mother and brother are very zealous too. I have lifelong friends who I would do anything for, who are part of the fabric that makes me what I am. If they knew what I really felt, they would shun me, not because they are bad but because they "believe all things" as long as it comes from the Governing Body or its representatives on Earth.
My kids are being brought up as witnesses and I do a family study with them. But I encourage them to check everything out in a truly Academic way. I tell them that is what the Boreans did and so should they. I have also stressed that all Humans are imperfect and noone has the right to tell you what is right or wrong unless that can prove it from the bible. I don't want my kids to smoke, take drugs or be dishonest, so I am happy to instill some the principles taught by the org. But I also want them to do the things that will make them feel satisfied with life and don't want to feel that they will be destroyed if they don't conform to the decrees of a man made organisation.
I have served as service overseer, pioneered and done everything you expect a model christain to do. It was seeing how elders really treated the flock, with total contempt, that made me question everything. I was castigated for trying to encourage "weak" ones in a non-judgemental way. I was considered soft because I really did do all I could to prevent my brothers being DF'd. I have seen grown men cry and then be cast out because others couldn't detect "true repentance". I have seen a Presiding Overseer (sorry Coordinator of Elders) run a congregation in a truly despotic way and the CO turn a blind eye to it. I have no respect for many of the Elders as they do not deserve any. There are others who are genuinely delightful people who do have the best interest of the congregation members at heart, but they are not heard amonst the voices of those who want to make a name for themselves.
It is essential that I remain anonymous, but I feel alone and need to speak to people who can relate to my experience, please don't judge me for being a hypocryte - welcome me into this community and I will respond with witty postings and any insights that I feel will be of interest. This had better be fun because if the org are right I only have a short period of time!!!!!!