ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers

by AllTimeJeff 131 Replies latest jw friends

  • shamus100

    Dear Brothers,

    I still feel a hatred towards Muslims and black people. Will there be a white only section?

    Zig Heil!

    Christian Love,

    D. Ferreal.

  • Mary

    Dear Brothers;

    Thank you so much on your recent article: "Higher Education----Its Demonic Origins". I recently graduate from high school with a 98.5% GPA and was offered a full scholarship to Harvard University to study Quantum Physics. Although I have the potential to earn a 6 figure income within a few years, I can't help but wonder if this is a test from Satan, trying to draw me away from Jehovah's Organization.

    After praying about it and talking to the local bozos elder body, I am leaning towards turning down this scholarship and work part time cleaning toilets while I pioneer. What would you advise?

    Sister Mary

  • SnakesInTheTower

    Dear editors at Awake! Asleep!

    I once heard that seven years of reading Awake! was the equivalent of a college education. I can tell you now that after getting a proper college education that this is not true. And don't tell me I should never have gone to college that I should pioneer instead....

    I pioneered, went to MTS and all that crap..... and got nothing but a little certificate, a headache, and a potential one way ticket to some outpost in Kansas.

    What do you have to say for yourselves

    No Longer One of Jehovah's Witnesses

    Snakes ()

    ps...atjeff....this is one of the funniest damn threads I have read in a long time...and it is delaying my getting any statistics homework done. ROFLMAO.

  • sir82

    Dear brothers,

    I recall reading in the Youth book that my chronic "self-abuse" habit would inevitably turn me into a stark raving pink-leotard-wearing homosexual.

    However, this has not been my experience. I am more attracted to women than ever before, although for some odd reason my marriage propsals are always rejected.

    I have noticed, though, that my vision is growing progressively worse, and the hair on my palms is notably thicker. This makes it far more difficult to underline the answers in my Watchtower.

    What advice can you give me?

  • JeffT

    Dear guy at the top

    I've been wondering about this for a long time, and I can't seem to get an answer. Is the designated hitter rule scriptural? If we play softball at a picnic do we have to have designated hitters? I asked an elder at the hall and he told me to stop watching ESPN and sell more Watchtowers. What kind of answer is that?

    Seattle Mariner's Fan

    PS; can you explain the rules of Cricket?

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    Dear GB's and GBH's:

    I was talking with my COBOE, the TMSO, the WSO, the SO, and the Secretary about the upcoming visit of the CO and the COW, who will be accompanied by the DO and the DOW. Since we now have the CBS before the TMS, and the SM afterwards, and then CITTL by the CO, don't you think it's a bit much? I mean, we invite many BS's to hear the CO's BS as directed by the WTS. And why does the COW require grilled chicken at 10 am as part of her special diet?

    Bro. A Cronym

    PS: I'm looking forward to the CO's talk: "Lording it over the flock as the day draws near"

  • AllTimeJeff

    Dear Gentile Readers

    It appears that our weekly Wednesday GB meeting ran over time... by about 16 hours. We were trying to decide if we should sell our DUMBO property to Trump. We decided not to, since he fired Mrs California for her anti gay rhetoric. We weren't comfortable with that.

    Also, we have decided to ammend our belief and change our chronology to the accepted date of Jerusalem's destruction as 587 BCE......

    PSYCH! LOL! We aren't that stupid... or honest....

    Rest assured that your questions will receive the same attention and care as we treat our missionaries. The same, condescenging pat on the back attention that we feel sure will make you feel at that perfect level, just above suicidal, and not anywhere near happy.


  • shamus100

    Thank you governing blody,

    I'm such a loser and weakling I need that condescending voice to keep me in check. You know how it is - I need someone else to think for me.

    Kindly Kristian Regards,


  • JeffT

    Dear Goverening Body

    I understand that you have more important things to do than answer my stupid questions. I will just sit here waiting patiently for you to get around to telling me what to do. As a good JW I don't think for myself at all.

  • boyzone

    Dear Glubbering Booby

    When is a birthday party not a birthday party bro's? I mean if its the anniversary of the day of your birth and you go out for a drink to celebrate, is this ok? Or if you have a cake on the anniversary of your birth, is THIS ok? Or if somone gives you a gift on the anniversary of your birth, is it ok to accept it?

    But if its your BIRTHDAY, I guess none of this is ok. Have I got that right?

    Thank you for your continued clear timely wisdom and guidance from above bro's.

    Sister Mindf**k

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