Dear Brothers at the Helm of the Chariot:
I just sat through three hours of a judicial committee, and I swear that I confessed everything. Every position, every carnal desire, every perverted sex act, and I promise I'll never do oral again. But my question is: Are the elders allowed to masturbate after the committee? They all had such visible hard-ons as they walked me to my car, I turned red.
(PS: I used a condom, does that make me still a virgin?)
Dear Sis Repentant Gentile (we don't know how that would work for you sis, so don't ask)
First of all, we really hate questions from apostate Gilead grads. They suck!
However, we are sure that the elders who listened to you not only took a cold shower, but gave their wives a great once over. Thats probably the first time they smiled in a long time.
Ok, thats just a guess. Thanks for not doing oral again. We don't know why we're against it. Our surrogate god, N H Knorr was grossed out about that we hear. Too late to change our minds now. (not that we haven't tried to change our wives minds...)
Are you sure you have confessed everything? Do you groom "down there"? Does the carpet match the drapes? Sometimes, elders forget to ask these very pertinent questions.
And yeah, if you are hot, we allow the elders on your JC to explore their launching pads.
Best of luck on getting your privileges back!
PS Condoms don't take away penetration. Lets all turn to the book of Leviticus.....