ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers

by AllTimeJeff 131 Replies latest jw friends

  • BurnTheShips
    BurnTheShips

    Thats why we're moving to the hills.

    And a future revision of Apoca-lips: Grand Climax On Your Hands! shall read this as a fullfillment of profitsee:

    They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of ATJ's Lambs!

    Revelation 6:16.

    (O Noes. I quoted Scripture. Now Tuesday is going to clamor about that ignore feature he wanted.)

    BTS

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    And a future revision of Apoca-lips: Grand Climax On Your Hands! shall read this as a fullfillment of profitsee:

    They called to the mountains and the rocks, "Fall on us and hide us from the face of him who sits on the throne and from the wrath of ATJ's Lambs!

    Revelation 6:16.

    (O Noes. I quoted Scripture. Now Tuesday is going to clamor about that ignore feature he wanted.)

    BTS

    Dear Gentile BTS

    Why does your letter sound like the lyrics to an Eminem song? Never mind, you are going to die at Armageddon. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Evil one who didn't recognize the all great Governing Body!!!!!

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    Dear Brothers at the Helm of the Chariot:

    I just sat through three hours of a judicial committee, and I swear that I confessed everything. Every position, every carnal desire, every perverted sex act, and I promise I'll never do oral again. But my question is: Are the elders allowed to masturbate after the committee? They all had such visible hard-ons as they walked me to my car, I turned red.

    (PS: I used a condom, does that make me still a virgin?)

    Sister Repentant

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    Dear Brothers at the Helm of the Chariot:

    I just sat through three hours of a judicial committee, and I swear that I confessed everything. Every position, every carnal desire, every perverted sex act, and I promise I'll never do oral again. But my question is: Are the elders allowed to masturbate after the committee? They all had such visible hard-ons as they walked me to my car, I turned red.

    (PS: I used a condom, does that make me still a virgin?)

    Sister Repentant

    Dear Sis Repentant Gentile (we don't know how that would work for you sis, so don't ask)

    First of all, we really hate questions from apostate Gilead grads. They suck!

    However, we are sure that the elders who listened to you not only took a cold shower, but gave their wives a great once over. Thats probably the first time they smiled in a long time.

    Ok, thats just a guess. Thanks for not doing oral again. We don't know why we're against it. Our surrogate god, N H Knorr was grossed out about that we hear. Too late to change our minds now. (not that we haven't tried to change our wives minds...)

    Are you sure you have confessed everything? Do you groom "down there"? Does the carpet match the drapes? Sometimes, elders forget to ask these very pertinent questions.

    And yeah, if you are hot, we allow the elders on your JC to explore their launching pads.

    Best of luck on getting your privileges back!

    PS Condoms don't take away penetration. Lets all turn to the book of Leviticus.....

  • Mary
    Mary

    Dear Brothers:

    I've been receiving quite a few leud PM's from 'celebrated WT scholars' who have requested pictures of me only wearing a t-shirt. Since these are men representing Jah, I'm in a dilema. Should I send them the pictures or ask to meet them in person where I can kick them all in the balls and stuff WT's up there asses?

    Agape love,

    Sister Mary

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    Mary, this could not have come from the celebrated Watchtower scholars, since they only request pics with no t-shirt at all. Must be some sort of misunderstanding. Of course, ATJ might opine differently.

    [email protected]

  • Awakened at Gilead
    Awakened at Gilead

    Mary, this could not have come from the celebrated Watchtower scholars, since they only request pics with no t-shirt at all. Must be some sort of misunderstanding. Of course, ATJ might opine differently.

    [email protected]

  • shamus100
    shamus100

    Brothers at the Helm of the Chariot:

    I just sat through three hours of a judicial committee, and I swear that I confessed everything. Every position, every carnal desire, every perverted sex act, and I promise I'll never do oral again. But my question is: Are the elders allowed to masturbate after the committee? They all had such visible hard-ons as they walked me to my car, I turned red.

    Oh my god,,,,, HAHAHAHA!

  • palmtree67
    palmtree67

    Dear Brothers, Chosen Exclusively by God,

    I am a hard-working sister in the congregation. I study, pray go to meetings, etc just like all the men. In addition, I work a full-time job, raise and study with the children, (altho only my husband gets to count the time....), do all the cooking and cleaning ('cus all Christian wives are "workers at home") and spend more time in field circus than most men.

    Yet I am still portrayed in every picture in the WT and illustration from the platform, as an apron-wearing, '50's housewife who is searching for the perfect dress pattern.

    Who am I supposed to be?

    Help!

    Sincerely, Stuck in a TimeWarp

  • AllTimeJeff
    AllTimeJeff

    Dear Brothers:

    I've been receiving quite a few leud PM's from 'celebrated WT scholars' who have requested pictures of me only wearing a t-shirt. Since these are men representing Jah, I'm in a dilema. Should I send them the pictures or ask to meet them in person where I can kick them all in the balls and stuff WT's up there asses?

    Agape love,

    Sister Mary

    Dear Sister Mary Gentile

    First off, we normally don't respond to letters from Catholic nuns, but we liked Sally Field. (she would have made a fine JW)

    Many of our scholars have been so busy reading WT's from the 1950's that they have never seen a partially clothed girl. (we would say partially naked, but that wouldn't be honest)

    Our suggestion is to send them the pics, tell them you will meet them in a dark alley. Then kick them in the balls. Trust me, they are so stupid, they will go their thinking they are going to get something. (and we are sure they will. Tell Wallen we said "Hey")

    Lastly, you are using the wrong greek word for love. If you are going to shove WT's up our scholars @$$es, then it would correctly read

    eros love

    Thanks, and Hail Mary!

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