ATJeff Answers Letters from JW Readers

by AllTimeJeff 131 Replies latest jw friends

  • shamus100

    That was a trans-am, you lying bitches... A TRANS-AM!!! Another false prophecy! Er, um, light that needs to be changed.

    Oops! Am I going to get DF's now? :0

  • AllTimeJeff

    Sorry, couldn't help this one... Its from the thread "Society tells us to stop asking questions"

    "What should I do when I have a question about something I read in the Bible or when I need advice about a personal problem?"

    Dear Lonely, Desperate, Abandoned Dumba$$, (btw, thanks for donating to the Society's Worldwide Wurk)

    It used to be that when we really believed we were annointed, going to heaven, part of the 144,000 (ah, the good ol days) that we would really try to answer most questions that appeared to be legitimate to us.

    But this is Governing Body 2.1 (Barr and Jaracz are now in heaven. Or not, we don't give a shit.... Splane made us say that...). We have quickly realized that we simply need to do what Barr and Jaracz figured out.

    We gotta die on the company dime.

    We are very jealous of the Michigan contingent, Sydlik and Schroeder. Those damn bastards walked on water from the frikkin moment they got here. Schroeder could even lose bets to Freddie Franz in bad biblical Hebrew.....

    We are especially jealous of Freddie Franz. How many people do you know who walked the earth, dropped out of college, then got to run a religion as a result for 70 freaking years, and then die at 100!!??

    Yeah, we got screwed. We thought it would be cool to lie about being annointed. Now, we're f*cked! We got stuck with the bill. Time to leave Brooklyn and flee to the hills.

    Do you think we're rambling? No, just some context here doofus. In the Oct 15 WT, we gave ourselves another trap door out when we said " Neither the branch office nor world headquarters is in a position to analyze and answer all such questions that have not been considered in our literature"

    Oh SNAP!! That was a good one. Do you know what that means? It means that we can officially not give a shit. It means we don't have to supply you spiritual food because we are busy supplying you spiritual food!

    We are AWESOME!! And you all will still follow us.

    So remember, those WT bound volumes are great, except the parts that we change every 10 years. Like what constitutes a generation, or if oral sex is ok.

    Don't worry though, we're Governing Body 2.1. All we want to do is die on the company dime.

    Btw, we are actively recruiting for Governing Body 3.0. All you need to do is claim to be annointed and be our secretarial bitches for 20 years until we die and spend up what is left of the WTBTS fortune.

    Then the youngin's can take over!

    We love you all! Keep sending us your dimes!

    Deep love (of your $$$)

    The Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses, v2.1

Share this