in love with a JW

by jimcic 63 Replies latest social relationships

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  sammielee24

  They do not df for marrying outside the faith they only disaprove of it

  Let's call a spade a spade here. First of all, anyone NOT a JW needs to understand the 'language' that a JW uses that a non JW won't understand. One of those is bad association. Wordly. Bad association is the label used for ANY person not a JW - including NON JW family members, coworkers, friends etc and a non JW spouse is tolerated but most certainly NOT respected. If a JW dates a non JW, they can be counselled and depending on the status of the family, the father if an Elder could lose his position. A JW who dates a NON JW, is considered weak and will themselves be labelled bad association.

  You make it sound like a happy go lucky cult but it isn't. They don't approve of a marriage outside of the group - and most marriages that are mixed don't make it because of the distinct prejudice and repulsiveness that Jehovahs Witnessess are taught to feel for all Worldly people. Any devout JW cringes with disgust when one of their own takes up with a non JW - that's the way it is. The stronger the faith, the greater the feelings of disgust that one of theirs would mingle with an unclean, unevenly yoked wordling. That's the reality.

  Let's stop being nice and tell it like it is so that anyone on here that is thinking of getting into a relationship, clearly understands that it is an uphill battle with a whole organization that sees you as pig slop unless you become one of them. They will smile and act friendly, but if push comes to shove and they are instructed to shun you they will - they do it all the time to their own so it's no hardship to do it to a NON JW. sammieswife.
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  isaacaustin

  Very well said and very straight-forward sammielee24
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  mrsjones5

  "Any devout JW cringes with disgust when one of their own takes up with a non JW - that's the way it is. The stronger the faith, the greater the feelings of disgust that one of theirs would mingle with an unclean, unevenly yoked wordling. That's the reality."

  Sammie, what you just said reminds me of the look and attitude of my mother when I married my husband. I've never been baptised as a jw but she's always had this disgusted attitude concerning my marriage. She even told me once that my marriage was immoral. Immoral? I got married by a good friend of hubby's who was a minister. I even submitted to let the minister do the traditional marriage vows. But my marriage is immoral.

  Oh, and I have a dear cousin who's a jw, she married a "worldly" guy but she wasn't df'd for it. Her father (both parents are jws too) has never been an elder or a MS. I'm not sure if there were any repercussions because of her marriage but I don't doubt that it wasn't something that was lifted up in the congregation...they eloped to Reno.

  Josie
• 

  sammielee24

  The official reason for my excommunication was my unrepentant attitude, borne out by my unwillingness to break off my relationship with my boyfriend who was worldly. I was told to stop seeing my boyfriend or it will show I am hard of heart and not accepting of the reproof of the judicial committee. All I have from then is my diary pages and my memory.

  My husband was denied reinstatement because after he was divorced, he married me - a worldly person and as far as the JC was concerned, that was proof of non repentence. Let me say it again - DENIED REINSTATEMENT TO GODS ORGANIZATION BECAUSE HE MARRIED A NON JW.

  This young man should also realize, since he isn't religious at all, that under the Watchtower rules, you cannot get a divorce ever and then just remarry, unless it is for fornication. Not being religious, you probably think like most people, that if the relationship is abusive, or it doesn't work out for some other reason, that you can go and get a legal divorce and then when the time is right, you can date and remarry. In other words, you probably think that you can move on with your life. NOT.

  In the Jehovahs Witness cult it is simply like this. Two people marry. The guy wants a divorce because his wife is a drug addict. He moves out and proceeds with the legal stuff. He begins to date a few women and word gets around. His ex and a friend follow him and see a lady alone with him in his apartment. They go to the Elders who decide to stake out his apartment and they see that a lady is indeed visiting him. He has now committed circumstantial fornication and he gets called in on it. He is told that he should go to meetings and not engage in this sort of behavior but he refuses to back down believing he has the right to date, he didn't do anything wrong, he is legally divorced and free to date women, but under the JW cult rule, if 2 people saw the lady go in and stay for hours, it is assumed that they are having sex. Sex, even if it is just imaginary, isgrounds for disfellowshipping and sex/fornication with another person is the ONLY reason you can get a full divorce in the Watchtower society.

  The Elders call a committee and he is disfellowshipped that week. The next week, his family shuts the door in his face, his ex tries to stop the kids from talking to him and all the friends he had the week before, won't take his calls or even have coffee with him.

  So beware, the Watchtower does not recognize the right of a person to move on with their life after a legal divorce, in a legal, adult manner. This is something that a non JW will not understand and something that can destroy your life with disfellowshipping/shunning, if you marry and become a JW not fully comprehending that the society operates outside the legal system for it's own legalistic reasons. sammieswife.
• 

  DJK

  but she wants me to jump ship and become a witness,

  IMO, she wants to dump you and doesn't have the spine to say it's over. Just say "see ya" baby!
• 

  sammielee24

  But my marriage is immoral

  LOL..you got off easy. I've been called a whole whack of names (I read all the family letters to my husband) and yes, I have been called 'one in Satan's world'...and 'we've seen too many like her'...and 'the whole congregation knows there is only one reason for you to be with a wordly woman'....most of it is a lot worse but you get the drift. I've heard it all and been the victim of some disgusting and distinctly unloving and unChristian behavior. I've had JW's sit in my house, who thought I knew nothing about them and the organization, and spout lies and flaunt their disrespect toward me as smoothly as water from a faucet.

  It is disgusting. This is a loving organization? This is an organization that is the 'truth'? It can't be if this same organization teaches it's members to lie and to further teach them that to lie in the name of God/WTS, is perfectly okay because our rationale is that it's theocratic warfare. You can't have the truth if you lie to push it forward. It's as simple as that. sammieswife.
• 

  mrsjones5

  "LOL..you got off easy. "

  lol, girlfriend I wish I had gotten off that easy too

  Josie
• 

  outbackaussie

  I think this conversation shows that there is really no hard and fast, consistent application of any real guideline or rules. It is hit and miss, dependant on the local elders and the relationship each member has with that congregation. Noone can easily point to a solid standard, just the whimsy of judgmental men and the varying levels of guilt and distress each transgressing member that causes them to submit to a judicial committee.

  I believe that every individual needs to assess their own circumstances when trying to decide what is the best course of action. If I had listened to the large volumes of advice given to me back then, I would not have married my darling husband and borne two delightful children. I feel I am fairly fortunate now as my witness family members for reasons of their own choosing, still talk to me. Technically I am still probably a witness though considered inactive. I really don't care myself, if it helps them sleep at night then fine. If they ever ask me directly I will tell them I don't consider myself to be of any faith and that I don't believe in a supreme being. But they haven't asked yet.

  So, I am suggesting that my circumstances are not necessarily reflective of other people's experiences, they are simply what happened to me. My disfellowshipping was incredibly traumatic for me, and in some ways my reinstatement was worse. It took many years before I could think of these days without intense anger and pain. What I take from this is that I have demonstrated to myself and my family that I could and have stayed in a strong supportive marriage with someone who was not a JW and that we are happy and enjoy our lives. Isn't that what is most important in the end? Happiness.
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  love life and life loves you back

  Hello, i completely agree with Reniaa on her thoughts.
• 

  detective

  Been there, done that. I was the "worldly" one, my beloved a witness. I would strongly suggest looking at some books from Steven Hassan like "combatting mind control" and his other book (the title of which I cannot recall). Witness specific materials may be too hard too grasp at first. YOur honey is in... sorry to say it like this... a cult. I think the difficulty of my situation hit me when I realized my beloved was a member of a high-control group. You need to educate yourself on how these groups work so that you can understand what you are up against. I really wish I were exagerating about the whole cult thing- but unfortunately, I'm not. So look into high control groups. Google Steven Hassan. Also, check the "best of" category on this website. You'll find lots of people have been in your shoes. LOTS of people. Prepare for a little heartbreak. Good lluck!