I think I just need to tell the story to someone who will get it?

by aimless 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • JWdaughter

    Welcome, Aimless. I too was DA'd while a teenager. I was 15 and didn't agree with at teaching after asking some probing questions. And I couldn't readily agree with the elders explanation/admonition, which was that I simply didn't understand, and I need to be loyal to Jah's org.

    Anyway, I know it is a weird place to be. I was in a similar situation to you, but my mom had been a LOOONG time study and finally baptised a couple years before I left. I was the good little JW, tried to do everything I was supposed to, always felt at the edge of things, wondered why. . .

    First thing. There is no one true right religion. There may be followers (of whomever)but they all have their own take on what the best 'way of life' is. Don't do what I did and dig yourself into other cult-like or off the grid religions.

    Second thing, if your parents reject you simply because you were a normal teenager, then they should be ashamed. The elders should be ashamed for what they put you through, and your ex-boyfriend owes you an apology. NOT a gentleman at all.

    Force yourself to build a life outside of the org. Ask your BF to help 'force' you out of the house and to be involved in your community in things you are interested in-you don't have to be good at anything, anytime there is a group of people, they need volunteers to do things-simple things. Reading? Cooking? Gardening? Video gaming? Try to find social groups and just be available. I invited myself to a book club recently, and met great people who I really click with. Put yourself out-just a little. Even at work-if you are inclined to the field you are in-see if you can get further training, or take appropriate classes at a local college. Find ways to excel and grow in what you are already doing if you like it. Or start over, go back to college--find an AIM, find a purpose.Simple easy to achieve ones-then work your way up to bigger, long term goals.

    Good luck! It will all work out, but don't let the time in the org weigh you down, and don't let anyone in your life make you feel bad. They can be good for you or bad for you. But most of us don't eat a steady diet of things that are bad for us, because it breaks down your body, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. If it is hurting you-cut it out/off from your life.

  • AshtonCA

    Hi Aimless,

    My situation was very similar to yours, except I did not date any witness boys. I got mixed up with a worldly guy from work and I was disfellowshipped because I refused to give him up. My parents kicked me out of the house. Today I am married to the guy I got DF'd over, we have been married for 15 years and have two children. For two years, I was shunned by my entire family, they did not come to or wedding. I had no family on my side. My hubby's family disbursed around the room to make up for the lack of bodies on my side. I am VERY happy that I made the choice not to give him up. It has been a definite roller coaster, but we have a wonderful relationship now.

    It has taken me a long time to be okay with my JW past, but now I am happy that I had the experience I did, even though it was not a good one. I know that sounds odd, but it's true. I've grown so much and I don't despise my past at all. I hope you can get to this point one day as well.

    I'd be happy to talk with you if you'd like, sometimes it does help to just be able to bounce stuff off of each other. Feel free to send a message if you'd like.


  • Peppermint

    Welcome Aimless,

    "I feel really aimless in life now............i have very small aspirations that feel unreachable.........I have trouble defining what i want in life now still and it been 3 years............ I feel a total lack of ambition..........i dont even play video games as much as i used to because i find myself "too tired" to even do that... -aimless"

    I know how you feel, this has also been my reaction to leaving the witnesses. Its as if woven in that particular set of hopes and aspirations that the jw's offer is part of your own being. When you leave, be it by design or force its almost impossible to reclaim all thats yours. You just have to make your own life now and it seems that is what you are doing, so hold in there because it will get easier with time.

    "I would describe myself as feeling ashamed and embarassed when it comes to my time as jehovah's witnesses"

    I think its a good thing to recognize the role we played in becoming a witness, its a mistake only to see ourselves as victims. There is a lot I have learned about myself because of my JW experiance so its not all bad ,most people if not all fall for some irrational ideology in their time so its nothing to be too embarrassed about.

    Anyway, wishing you all the best and hope you stick around because this is a great place for recovery.

  • Tired of the Hypocrisy
    Tired of the Hypocrisy

    welcome Aimless!

  • OnTheWayOut
    flipper, i think i would like to know the names of those books you got, thank you

    RELEASING THE BONDS by Steve Hassan

    Both can be found at freedomofmind.com or amazon.com

    CRISIS OF CONSCIENCE by Raymond Franz (former member of the Governing Body)

    Both can be found at commentarypress.com, along with other good books, or at amazon.

    freeminds.org also gets these books.

  • real one
    real one

    God is love.

    If you do not feel love then you do not know God. The witnesses treated me bad also when I decided God's love was not among them that I could see or feel. When someone turns their back on you who is suppose to be your friend thats no friend and thats not love. True friends support you.

  • LouBelle

    Hello Aimless.

    thank you for sharing your story. I hope you feel better for getting that off your chest.

  • bluesbreaker59


    Since you said that you have super anxiety and get stressed out a lot. Here are my recommendations:

    1. Get a prescription for Xanax (I'm on this, because of anxiety and it works like a charm)
    2. Have PERSONAL TIME - time just for you, to do something to pamper yourself or just relax
    3. Unwind at the end of the day with NO TV, and NO LIGHTS. Put on some Miles Davis (Kind of Blue) or similar relaxing jazz music with all the lights out, and lay on your couch or in a recliner with your eyes shut. You can listen to other music, but just make it something soothing or relaxing. Burn some candles or incense while doing this too, it really helps.
    4. Go for a massage or if your boyfriend is good at it, have him give you one
    5. Get a hobby, something to take your mind off the day, and something that you can see accomplishment

    I do all these things, plus my girlfriend and I like to drink wine together too, but seeing as you're just 20, I won't recommend that. If you do drink, never try to "drink your troubles away", that only makes things worse in the long run.

    As a kid, I always had massive anxiety, and no one really understood it, they always thought I just worried too much. But really it can be a severe handicap for people that have it. I get nervous in social situations where I don't know anyone, or if I'm around people that I dislike, or if I've had an exceptionally bad day at work, OR if I have to deal with JW issues / JW family, then I just pop a Xanax. Its been a wonderful thing for me. I try to do everything else to relax first, but if that doesn't work, then I get out my pills.

  • Velvetann

    Hello Aimless and WELCOME to JWD.

    I hope you check in here often and let us know how you are coping and use this group to VENT!!

    I really enjoyed reading your story and feel so bad that you were treated so unfairly. From what you said, You put your whole heart and soul into trying to please Jehovah God, you prayed sincerely for help but the Elders did not show any compassion for you even though you had done such good works. If God is a loving God then he would not condone this religion for stomping on someone so young and with such a sincere heart.

    This religion is not the Truth, and once you read some of the books suggested here you will see proof that it is not.

    I too was treated badly and unfairly when I was 18 and I rebelled against it and starting dating a worldly man which got me disfellowshipped. Browse around on this group, some of the regular posters have profiles and if you read them you will see that you are not alone in suffering because of this religion and its unreasonable demands and their shunning policy. When I left the Watchtower Society there was no one to talk to, no internet, not a lot of people were leaving then. I suffered for years with quilt and pain and no one worldly could possibly understand how this religion and its teachings stay with you. Its inbedded in you!!

    I really look forward to knowing more about you Aimless, and encourage you to keep in touch. You will feel better.

    Hugs from Velvetann

  • rache31

    Aimless, welcome! I was raised as a witness and know those feelings you've had. I have been going to therapy in this past year to help me keep my confidence and self worth up. Its hard when you're told over and over how sinful you are or how disappointed everyone is with what wrong you did. It can creep up on you even when your present life is going well. I get so angry thinking of how humiliating it is being questioned and counseled over personal things that were done. Telling three men crap that is none of their damned business so that you can be in a "better relationship with Jehovah and keep the congregation clean" and whatever else you want to throw in there. That stuff does a number on us, that is for sure. I hate the manipulative ways that some people use to make your life hell. That witness kid could care less about what you guys did. His conscience didn't bother him. He wanted to make you miserable and try to break up your new relationship. That is so twisted but I've seen it happen.

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