I think I just need to tell the story to someone who will get it?

by aimless 51 Replies latest jw experiences

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  str8?so is spaghetti..until you heat it up

  Hi Aimless!

  I feel for you, I really do.

  The problem with JW as a whole, is that the religion teaches you to be codependent. Free thought is discouraged, and the only answers are from the WTBTS. Now you have been out, even though it has been a while, you still struggle with the idea that you can make decisions for yourself. You expect repercussions. These feelings are proof alone that Jehovah's Witnesses are a mind controlling cult.

  I too have had to think long and hard about what this means to me. I suggest that if your anxiety is so bad, perhaps you really should see a counsellor, as those guys are trained to deal with such debilitating religions and their effects. Maybe read up on codependency. TALK to your boyfriend. While he may not fully understand, he no doubt would love to hear about it, and provide you with loving support.

  Just remember this - Sin is a social construct. You WERE NOT BORN INHERENTLY EVIL. You are a loving, kind person, do not allow anyone to tell you are evil, or a sinner. You are innately good, as you no doubt feel and know when you are not facing these anxiety attacks.

  Much Love

  Me. xx
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  digderidoo

  Hi and welcome to the board you will find many like minded people here for support.

  Paul
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  milligal

  I'm new here too-I don't know if you're still reading these, you have a ton of replies!

  I just wanted to add that I disagree about college being useless, it's not just about getting a job. It's about opening your mind to the way the rest of the world functions- which JW's never teach you, since you are supposed to be 'no part of the world'. College broadens your ability to think through problems and even think through want you want from life. You may not even now about the direction you want your life to go in yet, because like me, you may have been sheltered from what the world has to offer.

  I would strongly encourage you to go to college-even if you just start off with a basic degree or a class in an area you are interested in. It can give you positive things to think about, and you will meet other people who are also still looking for direction, but who are willing to take that first step.

  I am acheiving my second degree next year, I went back to school after after being raised as a witness and being df'd (5 years as a regular pioneer). It was the best choice I ever made.
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  cognac

  Hi Aimless.

  I read your story and its completely understandable that you feel this way. The way those elders made you tell things in front of your parents is kinda like making you just stand there naked in front of them. Then, your parents took the side of people who did this to you. Of course you feel horrible. I'm sorry that you had to go through this.

  I hope that by talking things out will help to be able to work through things. We are always here to listen...
• 

  Quandry

  Aimless

  I have a daughter who is twenty. When she was a teen she was df'd in the most humiliating, demeaning way possible. Our entire family is out now.

  Yes, it is hard to live through. YOU ARE NOT ALONE. It is dissilutioning, heart-rending, and devastating to find that instead of showing love, "spiritual shepherds" are willing to throw you away.

  I AGREE WITH THE POSTER WHO SAYS GO TO COLLEGE. Your mind will be opened. It does not matter if you do not know in what direction you wish to go. You start with the basics, and as you learn and are exposed to knowledge, you may find something that is fascinating to you and want to go in that direction.

  At any rate, an education will make you have confidence and pride in yourself and your abilities. You will be in a better position to help any future children that you have. You may find a way to really help your fellow man. You may really find yourself. By all means, go forward and see just what you are capable of!!!

  My daughter has had nightmares, therapy, and depression due to what she went through at the hands of "men,' but is still in college. She is an honor student, and is leaning toward being a Biology teacher. Her dad and I are so proud of her.

  YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!
• 

  changeling

  Welcome aimless!

  I'm terribly sorry for the unjust treatment you received. You deserved none of it. You were a normal teenager doing normal things.

  You are certainly welcome to vent all you want on JWD. If your anxiety level does not diminish, perhaps you could seek some form of threrapy to help you put things in perspective.

  Remember, you did nothing wrong and have nothing to be ashamed of.

  changeling :)
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  Ima Apostate

  I get it, aimless. But I feel nothing but excited for your potential. All the energy and love that you poured into trying to be a perfect witness all those years, just think what you could do with it if you channeled it into something else? Search your heart and mind for your passion and go for it. You'd be suprised how much joy you can get out of your job when it is meaningful to you.

  Plus, you've got a great guy. I ended up marrying my 'worldly' boyfriend and we've been married 10 years. A good relationship makes such a difference in your life.

  It sounds like you have a real anxiety disorder. This can be easily fixed with anxiety medications. LOTS of people take them. If you have health insurance, I'd advise you to talk to your doctor and get some meds. I had this same type of anxiety when I was leaving the organization - severe fear that was completely irrational, feeling nauseous...

  You hang in there. Get out of the job if it's driving you nuts. And appreciate what you have now. That determined little person you are is still in you and you can do amazing things if you find that passion again.

  Plus, pray to God, the REAL god, to open your heart to the truth about him. At first, you might hear what you think is Jehovah going, "Hey, I already gave you the truth and your rejected me. Now you're going to DIE!". But that's just the brainwashing. That stupid little voice will get more and more faint the more you read the Bible and pray to know the truth. You know the Watchtower says that if a Witness stops reading Watchtowers and studies the Bible alone, within 3 years they will revert back to apostate teachings. Well, there's a reason for that, they're TRUE!

  I wish you the best...
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  Ima Apostate

  And I agree about college. It teaches you HOW to think, not WHAT to think. It will open your mind and give you confidence.
• 

  TheListener

  Welcome Aimless.

  What you posted took a lot of courage. I hope you enjoy the board and appreciate the variety of answers you received to your posts.

  As I was reading your story I was rooting for your parents to stand up and demand the elders leave their house immediately. When they didn't I felt a let down. I can only imagine how you must have felt at the time. I'm really sorry you went through that.

  You've found a place where your healing can begin.
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  sass_my_frass

  Wow that's really messed up, that your parents didn't protect you from that. Hope you're ok.