I think I just need to tell the story to someone who will get it?

by aimless 51 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Bring_the_Light

    Rev1212 Said:

    Hi Aimless,

    Really, you sound like you have your act together with a nice job and boyfriend. College is so unnecessary -- so many of my friends have college degrees but no job resulting from their majors. My advice, if you don't like your retail mgmt job, then check out the vocational-type schools where in less that a year you can learn accounting, graphic design, cosmetology, health services, cooking -- tons of stuff. So you can still work and learn a new skill at the same time -- sometimes you can even do it on-line without having to go to classes.

    BTW, sorry for the hard time you had as a young person in the truth. I have been in the truth for 10 years, so I didn't grow up in it (someone just knocked on my door and the rest is history). But from the experiences I have been reading about on this message board, a lot of JWs that were raised in the truth have had some hard times. For me, I am just happy to know what the truth is and I don't have any issues with "management". But I can see how you have been treated unjustly by the elders. I do hope that one day you will go back to the organization. But for now, maybe just try reading the Bible a little bit each day and I know you will get some happiness from that.

    Wish I could be of more help. Take care of yourself.

    Witch! Witch! Such apostasy against worldly truths! There is a wolf amongst my flock, we must expel her! .... as soon as we wordlings organize a disfellowshipping policy, until then I think its cool that we have diversity, whats say we try to be more inviting to the sheeple that wander in amongst us? whatchasay guys? real freethinkers don't need others to reinforce their views. I have no delusions that need support.

    Welcome aboard, Rev1212, seriously (no matter how others feel about it, you'll set off a lot of sore feelings around here, try to turn the other cheek) Regarding your advice on reading the bible, do you just say that because the Bible is a "symbol" of god and "read the bible" is a mantra of the happily deluded? 'Cause seriously, in addition to 17 years of compulsory flipping to verses for no reason during meetings (like we're "checking" to make sure the speaker reads it correctly, or what? pet peeve) and reading it straight through 3 times with nothing else to think about in Army Basic Training, I am absolutely sure that "reading the Bible" can be expected to tell you nothing about anything. I'd actually recommend straight bible reading, front to back, to Jehovah's Witnesses as a means to overcome their delusion. At the second time through, you realize it doesn't mean ANYTHING without pretty elaborate interpretation. Nobody would come across the Bible in a library, read it, and say "omigosh I know god now". There is a difference between what the bible says and what a religion will TELL YOU it says/means. For instance I got a kick out of running up and down the Barracks proclaiming that the Bible wants me to go kill the enemies of the United States, we (soldiers) are the chosen ones foretold to end this evil system of things and bring forth gods Kingdom while citing scriptures to back my claim. This didn't start as a Sociological experiment, it was just something silly to do. I was a little shocked that quite a few people sorta nodded in agreement with complete shit, that I made up on the spot. I even got a kick out of citing scriptures that are "about" following the path of Satan/being bad adapted them for my purposes, and had good Southern Christian boys nod with a smile on their face about how I'm talking about the "good book" and thats always good (regardless of whether you're actually CORRECT or not). Every moment up to there, just saying anything from the Bible, then saying ANYTHING else they'd be inclined to agree with basically caused people to agree that's what the bible means or at least is a positive interpretation of what it says. So in summary, feel free to read the Bible. Seek peace through introspection and understanding why you feel the way you feel. Please be assured that from my own experience and getting through much the same experiences as our patient here, please be assured that you are not alone and also be assured that you don't feel that way because anything real has gone wrong, you feel that way because people have hurt you. Know Thyself, and always, always seek light, never look longingly into darkness, you are not alone in your confusion. Bring_the_Light
  • Casper

    Welcome Aimless....

    Thank you for sharing your story... I'm sorry you were treated the way you were.

    You have nothing to be ashamed of, it takes time to work thru all of the feelings...

    We look forward to learning more about you & hope you stick around.


  • BabaYaga

    Hi, Dear Aimless, hello and welcome.

    It gets easier. Hang in there... it takes time and support to heal yourself. You have found some support here.


  • Galileo

    When I left, therapy helped me a great deal. I think with your anxiety issues and your feeling ashamed, it would probably help you as well. Please consider it, and welcome to the board. There are great people here, and we can all relate in some way to your experience. I wish you well.

  • aimless

    flipper, i think i would like to know the names of those books you got, thank you

  • flipper

    AIMLESS- The books I have read that helped me a lot are, " Combatting Cult Mind Control" by Steve Hassan . It helps you understand why we all were so manipulated by the Jehovah's Witness cult . It talks in detail how cults use " mind control" tactics. Also " Crisis of Conscience " by Raymond Franz - it will explain in detail what the behind the scenes reality was in Bethel , and how the governing body really ran the organization. It's not run the way we were all told. Those are a couple books that have helped, not only me , but many here on the board. Hope this helps

  • sparrow

    Hi Aimless,

    You are right - alot of people here had - or still do - feel similar feelings. And it is also true things will get better. I found it hard to talk to my girlfriend (who became my fiance and then my wife) even after we were married about it - it felt weird. But after doing research and working things out it was the best thing to explain what I knew and what I had learnt to her (knowledge is power) Maybe you could do the same with your boyfriend? Plus a puppy is always good - you can talk to them anytime!

    - sparrow

  • Hortensia

    dear aimless, you need to find a good therapist and spend some time talking about the whole experience. It will help you to have a different perspective. I felt exactly the same way you did - I tried very hard, but was never good enough. That is so destructive - it poisons your life until you can put it in perspective and learn some different ways of being. I also lack social skills, but I try anyway. This forum has been very helpful to me - it's good to be able to speak out to people who know what you mean. You might go through more unpleasant feelings besides grief, such as anger, but in the end you will be happy and have a better life than if you stayed JW.

  • Eyes Open
    Eyes Open

    Hi Aimless,

    Welcome to the board - reading around here may well be helpful for you to understand your situation in the context of the JW experience as a whole, as experienced by others.

    I feel that educating one's self about the bible is key to overcoming the fallacies that the WT teaches. The dogma can be so deeply engrained that taking apart the belief system piece by piece can be a necessity. JW Facts is a great place to start as there is a lot of concise information presented logically.

    Reading the books would also be good. A newer book by Steven Hassan, which apparently includes updated methodology, is Releasing the Bonds: Empowering People to Think for Themselves, but I guess this may be more to do with helping others out than the one Flipper mentioned (I'm part way through Releasing and haven't read Combatting).

    This is just my initial reaction on reading your post, but I think it would be good if you can talk through it with your boyfriend. It's great he wants you to share it with him; don't bottle it up. Even if it sounds stupid as you say it, try and sit down (with tissues and even a bucket if it really does make you feel sick) and get it out. Process it and mourn. Perhaps it would help both of you as he would be able to understand things more.

    Maybe once you've done this you'll be a little more inclined to do things like college or hobbies. Anyway, recognise that you're a person in your own right and now have wonderful possibilities before you. As you're ready, let things into your life. You may have fears of doing things - everyone does. But you'll deal with them and continue to grow.

    All the best, and keep posting. :)

  • llbh

    Welcome to JWD Aimless,

    Hope you and your boyfriend stay together. If you can get an education. Your folks may come round. I am just beginning to do thing i should have done at your age and i am loving.

    The books MR Flipper recommended are good books to read

    Enjoy your life that is what it is for

    Regards David

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