Really, you sound like you have your act together with a nice job and boyfriend. College is so unnecessary -- so many of my friends have college degrees but no job resulting from their majors. My advice, if you don't like your retail mgmt job, then check out the vocational-type schools where in less that a year you can learn accounting, graphic design, cosmetology, health services, cooking -- tons of stuff. So you can still work and learn a new skill at the same time -- sometimes you can even do it on-line without having to go to classes.
BTW, sorry for the hard time you had as a young person in the truth. I have been in the truth for 10 years, so I didn't grow up in it (someone just knocked on my door and the rest is history). But from the experiences I have been reading about on this message board, a lot of JWs that were raised in the truth have had some hard times. For me, I am just happy to know what the truth is and I don't have any issues with "management". But I can see how you have been treated unjustly by the elders. I do hope that one day you will go back to the organization. But for now, maybe just try reading the Bible a little bit each day and I know you will get some happiness from that.
Wish I could be of more help. Take care of yourself.
Witch! Witch! Such apostasy against worldly truths! There is a wolf amongst my flock, we must expel her! .... as soon as we wordlings organize a disfellowshipping policy, until then I think its cool that we have diversity, whats say we try to be more inviting to the sheeple that wander in amongst us? whatchasay guys? real freethinkers don't need others to reinforce their views. I have no delusions that need support.Welcome aboard, Rev1212, seriously (no matter how others feel about it, you'll set off a lot of sore feelings around here, try to turn the other cheek) Regarding your advice on reading the bible, do you just say that because the Bible is a "symbol" of god and "read the bible" is a mantra of the happily deluded? 'Cause seriously, in addition to 17 years of compulsory flipping to verses for no reason during meetings (like we're "checking" to make sure the speaker reads it correctly, or what? pet peeve) and reading it straight through 3 times with nothing else to think about in Army Basic Training, I am absolutely sure that "reading the Bible" can be expected to tell you nothing about anything. I'd actually recommend straight bible reading, front to back, to Jehovah's Witnesses as a means to overcome their delusion. At the second time through, you realize it doesn't mean ANYTHING without pretty elaborate interpretation. Nobody would come across the Bible in a library, read it, and say "omigosh I know god now". There is a difference between what the bible says and what a religion will TELL YOU it says/means. For instance I got a kick out of running up and down the Barracks proclaiming that the Bible wants me to go kill the enemies of the United States, we (soldiers) are the chosen ones foretold to end this evil system of things and bring forth gods Kingdom while citing scriptures to back my claim. This didn't start as a Sociological experiment, it was just something silly to do. I was a little shocked that quite a few people sorta nodded in agreement with complete shit, that I made up on the spot. I even got a kick out of citing scriptures that are "about" following the path of Satan/being bad adapted them for my purposes, and had good Southern Christian boys nod with a smile on their face about how I'm talking about the "good book" and thats always good (regardless of whether you're actually CORRECT or not). Every moment up to there, just saying anything from the Bible, then saying ANYTHING else they'd be inclined to agree with basically caused people to agree that's what the bible means or at least is a positive interpretation of what it says. So in summary, feel free to read the Bible. Seek peace through introspection and understanding why you feel the way you feel. Please be assured that from my own experience and getting through much the same experiences as our patient here, please be assured that you are not alone and also be assured that you don't feel that way because anything real has gone wrong, you feel that way because people have hurt you. Know Thyself, and always, always seek light, never look longingly into darkness, you are not alone in your confusion. Bring_the_Light