Perry, you are fighting for what you have fallen for - your belief ( an imagined reality)
This imagined reality is one your brain and emotion are bound up in - so much so that you cannot think or feel outside of its ring-fence!
Maybe one day you will see how the Bible, for most of history has been a work in progress by men in authority working out a framework for communal living! You even see it today with JWs - always changing their slant on one thing or another - and imagin that going on over thousands of years and you will understand how god may change form a warlike bloodthirsty fearsome divinity to a jesus like persona ( although that has done little to prevent the warlike one resurfacing when they feel it necessary for battle)
The Bible is an excellent book for controlling large numbers of humans = in peacetime it can be said love each other and in wartime an eye for an eye!
Perry, I believe you are sincerely looking and think you have found ONE 'ready written truth' amongst your species?
For what it's worth I will add the following albeit futile IMHO -at this point in where you are at!
I gave up my search when I reached a place of thinking it did not exist! First in my head amidst a long period of angst like a scalpul to my brain -but finally - and this is so weird - in my inner core emotion when I got on a forum with Wiccans - can you believe that - witchcraft LMAO!???
But then I had already come across Buddhism, Nature based faiths, witchcraft (Wicca was the final one) and looked into them all in differing degrees with a fearless heart, and felt maybe the truth is within me if only I can learn how to tune into it! Presently I follow nothing and am in a frought state sorting personal stuff out but in no way worried about god or what he expects - much more wondering why so much has gone wrong and in spite of my sincerest efforts over decades of dyfunctional deeply personal psychological imprisonment that I couldnt get my head out of - save suicide!
So any love that god may have is already in you. I keep starying in my heart into Wicca and panentheistic ideas of god being in all nature and all nature being full of tiny forces ready for me to gain strength of if I only learn how.
Maybe Jesus found it and passed the idea on - of the truth being inside you and in nature around you? Remember he never got as far as Australia - otherwise he may have put a stop to Aboriginal circumcision lol AAAOOUUUCH!! But now everyone is thinking they have to 'over include him' when maybe that's not quite what he meant?
I hope you find a more mellow pathway!