Who else is tired of the Just Get Over It threads?

by sass_my_frass 56 Replies latest jw friends

  • LeslieV

    I do not believe that most people that have been in the JW religion will walk out of it unscathed, unless you were never really in it to begin with, or were in the religion with no family members. When you lose your family, friends, and even your identity the result will be somekind of trauma.

    For those that can say, "Just get over it" have not experienced the true nature of the harm of a cult. I am glad for them if they really have no residual affects of this religion, but I guess my question to them is then "Why are you here???" You need to move on with your life, since the JW religion is no longer affecting you. JMO


  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    I have had many of my non-JW family say this to me ' Man, I just hope you can get over it and move on'. I expect it from them - their perception is that I walked away from a religion - that is all. They know religion to be something one can walk away from rather unscathed. I could join the local Episcopalians or Lutherans or Methodists in worship, and 10 years from now just say I was changing churches, or that I was not interested in religion any more - and just leave. There would be handshakes and hugs at the door as I left, perhaps a few visits later from churchmembers, and a continued friendliness with family or friends that stayed in the religion. Not so with Jw's.

    I don't believe the Watchtower has figured out that if they would just let people leave, not shun them, or gossip and slander them in the community for doing so, that all the finger pointing on the internet and by some who have become activists against them, would dissapate to a large extent. I know that if I could have just walked away - kept my social contacts in place - and kept my dignity without a slanderous announcement to the dubs that I was an 'evil apostate', I would have likely been far less bitter. That could benefit the old bastards in Brooklyn if they were bright enough to see it.


  • Scully

    I think the purpose of JWD is multifaceted, in that it is generally a safe anonymous place for a newly exiting JW to vent their frustrations and realize that they are not alone in their feelings. It's a place where we can confirm that it is not "us" that's screwed up, it's the organization that is. It's a place where you can find a great deal of empathy and support when you discuss the bad experiences you've had at the hands of the JWs, including family members who remain JWs. It is also a place where we can discuss how we cope with those negative experiences and how to empower ourselves to deal with them constructively, we share ideas and talk about what has worked for us.

    There are so many various issues that being an exJW brings to our lives - that's what makes this place so dynamic and why we often see several different people bringing up similar issues time and time again (for example, the I'm In Love With A JW theme).

    I agree wholeheartedly that there are things that are horrible - being shunned by family - being abused by the authority structure of the organization - the time wasted on JW pursuits that could have been put toward education and careers, just to name a few. One of the goals of JWD is to do - as Simon once put it - to help exJWs become ex-exJWs, to empower people to find ways to make the best of the life they have now and the future they can have.

    If we were in a car accident on the highway, there is a time where the initial shock and trauma is expected - eventually though, it is necessary for the rescue vehicles to come in and take people to hospital to treat their injuries, and then the police come to examine the scene, and finally the clean up crew comes in and clears the way for the normal flow of traffic to resume. It would be unreasonable to interfere with those involved in the rescue and clean up operations, just because a person in the accident wanted to make sure everyone driving by got an opportunity to see the wreckage and recognize how badly injured they are, instead of getting in the ambulance, going to the hospital for treatment and then doing physiotherapy, contacting the insurance company, calling work to book off until the injuries were healed, making arrangements to pick up children from school, paying bills, etc.

    I think this is where a lot of frustration creeps in and perhaps is the source of "just get over it" type comments, is where people here who have been showing support to someone hurting, offering suggestions to help them cope, trying to empower them to take steps to move beyond the "victim" stage, become frustrated that some seem content to remain in the "victim" stage, diverting attention away from others who are really interested in becoming empowered and moving beyond that. It's not that we don't empathize, it's a matter of trying to prioritize or triage needs - someone who's been here for years already, for example, still behaving like a "victim", in spite of all the help provided, who's heard all the suggestions and received tons of support already and who demonstrates that they want sympathy or attention more than constructive advice and show no willingness to change anything or apply any advice they receive, versus someone who is truly bewildered by their suddenly being DFd or kicked out of their house or having their family ripped apart by WTS policy and really wants to utilize the suggestions that are offered.

    I realize that recovery is going to take as long as it takes - it's an individual process. We're all going through these various stages of recovery doing the best we can with what knowledge and resources we have. It's just truly sad to devote so much time and make an emotional investment in trying to help people who claim to want the help but who refuse to be helped, and it becomes clear that attention is all that they want. Personally, I find it best to steer clear of those people, not wanting to hurt them further or give them more reason to feel like a victim, however there are times when setting clear boundaries are necessary to maintain my sanity.

  • BizzyBee

    Well, I expressed myself on the referenced thread using the word "condescending" so I guess it's clear where I stand. This thread got me to thinking in depth about the question you pose.

    Thinking about the word "baggage."

    Surely the WTS is a huge purveyor of "baggage," making us all "baggage carriers." Some of us step in to carry the heaviest "bags," while others stand by the x-ray machine and observe the bags pass through. When those doing the heavy lifting end up with chronic back problems, it is rather heartless of the observers to say "get over it."

    Underneath that obvious disparity are the more subtle differences. When we left the bOrg, we all had various internal and external resources, as well as baggage, unique to us alone, making the transition to freedom correspondingly easier or tougher.

    One example: those possessing a keen intellect, and yet lacking the formal education and time to pursue the practical, remunerative application of that intellect. I suspect there are quite a few on JWD who fit that profile. High IQ and a great facility for language, but stuck in a low-paying unfulfilling job, watching the years go by. Plus the other variables: family responsibilities, health, etc.

    Marie Antoinette notwithstanding, life is not a level playing field!


    Sass..You need to get over,the "Just get over it" Threads..Laughing Mutley..LOL!!...OUTLAW

  • Scully

    Surely the WTS is a huge purveyor of "baggage," making us all "baggage carriers." Some of us step in to carry the heaviest "bags," while others stand by the x-ray machine and observe the bags pass through. When those doing the heavy lifting end up with chronic back problems, it is rather heartless of the observers to say "get over it."

    Having said that, when others who have their own "heavy baggage" to carry and try to direct other heavy baggage carriers to assistive devices which they refuse to use, insisting that others help them carry the baggage for them and then jump on your back so you can carry them too, it's not exactly fair either. In fact it is rather self-centered for someone to be oblivious to another's "baggage" yet to expect them to carry their own load as well as a load that isn't their own.

    At some point, it is necessary to put the baggage down and rest, get your bad back fixed, and start using the assistive devices that are generously made available to you, instead of always depending on other people to carry your load.

    Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. ~ anonymous


    Scully..I`ve seen alot of quote`s by "Anonymous"..But..Can`t seem to find this persons picture anywhere..???..

  • Scully

    Outlaw: I guess you'll have to "just get over it".

  • rebel8

    Good saying:

    And I agree wholeheartedly with Scully's posts about assistive devices.

    Had the heavy bags, got the chronic back pain, made my own assistive device. Back aches me once in a while, especially when exposed to bad weather, but usually doesn't hurt much at all. Figuratively, of course.

    *hanging around the chiropractors because they're nice people class*

  • DJK

    Dorktacular, both of your posts have brought me to tears. You have said so much that I agree with, especially in the second one.


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