Perhaps those screaming the loudest "Just get over it" are in denial?
Who else is tired of the Just Get Over It threads?
You know, telling somebody to "get over" being a JW is kind of like telling a woman to just "get over" being raped. It just doesn't work that way. I have been out almost ten years and I still have a lot of issues about the whole thing. I lost my entire childhood to the JWs which I will NEVER regain. As a dad now, I make it my goal to make sure my little girl has the best childhood she possibly can because I don't want to see her regret her childhood like I do. I am so happy not to be a JW anymore, but I still have so many issues that I can't even get it into words most of the time. My brother and myself both left about the same time, but we haven't even discussed any of it until just recently. That's a loooooong time for the ice to melt to begin a discussion about something that you should just be able to "get over".
All so very true, Dorktacular.
Words often fail us.
Glad you and your bro are out.
My brother just went on meds for JW and parent-related issues.
I would too if I didn't have JWD.
Sounds like you're an awesome father.
I get the impression (and I could be wrong) that many of those saying "get over it" are in their late teens or early 20s and still have their whole lives ahead of them.
They only got baptized to blow off their parents... their hearts were never engaged in it.
They haven't made any major life choices with a Watchtower brand "bible-trained conscience."
They haven't got stuck in the loveless marriage, been shunned by their children, passed up lucrative jobs, or faced poverty in retirement.
They have no Watchtower-induced regrets yet, if ever.
Can you really blame them? They're clueless about how the Society has devastated so many lives, and they certainly don't care once they're out and safe.
"Life is long, and there's plenty of it ahead. Get over it."
Great points, Sue.
Good to see you, BTW.
You've touched on an important truth.
The more invested, the greater the sense of loss upon discovering that it was all an illusion.
Those of us that deeply believed and structured our lives around JWism are in a vastly different situation from the kids you mention.
The time someone heals depends on various factors how long one had been a JW, how much of the family is in and participates in shunning, and finally on the mental constitution of the individual.
One that was a JW briefly, has no JW family and a strong mental constitition will most likely disentangle himself rather easily. On the opposite side one that was a JW for decades and was perhaps born into it and has all or most family in will find it harder to leave the WTS mentally.
Unfortunately the shunning policy seems to work well in its vindictive objectives in many cases.
Burger Time there is no doubt in my mind that the GB memebrs are a group of ruthless opportunists who know well their policies cause a lot of harm but will not change them because that will undermine their objectives. At best they are hypocritical pharisees who refuse to see the obvious.
It takes time to recover, and sometimes a lot of time.
I think we forget that not everyone is at the same place we are.
It's sad to say this, but sometimes I feel like I won't be able to get over the whole thing until my dad passes away. He's a good man and I love him, but his presence IS the JW organization for me in a lot of ways. I think when I lay him to rest, I'll finally be able to lay the whole JW thing to rest, as well.
I think teling somebody to get over some things is a horrible way and is very counterproductive to their healing- it's like ayng "You shouldn't be where you are, you should be beyond it and it is not the experience you had that causes you pain but YOU that causes you pain." And that in turn can make a person feel even worse.
Now its nothing wrong with giving helpful advice in HOW to get over a certain issue, but telling somebody, "OMGZ ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS- GET OVAH IT! LIKE, YESTERDAY- I DID!!!! ^___^" can really make a person feel like utter complete sh*t and even more piss them even more the hell off. We are really ALL we have in cases like this, we are the ones that understand what its like to be shunned, the mental games we at times play on ourselves, and the pain that accompanies it. So XJWs have to be there for JWs and XJws and if all people do is come on and say, "Move on-" a) without teling me HOW to move on and b) not acknowledging the pain that more than likely will always be there, should just never have commented at all.
This is all part of a very much needed healing process. It is also educational. It helps even those of us on the outside to better understand how hard it is for those coming out. It isn't a matter of "just leaving".
Former JWs are some of the strongest and bravest people I have ever had the privledge of knowing.
"Just get over it?!" That's hard for anyone. I know people who still hold a grudge over issues in high school! Can you imagine someone stealing years of your life, working you into the ground, separating you from your family, preventing you from an education, being responsible for a loved one dying from lack of a blood transfusion, and then not having a thing to do with you, because you found out THEY lied to you?! That's hard to "just get over" on any level!
THIS IS "GETTING OVER IT"! It's coming together with others, making a difference for those who need info., and coming out a better person. Venting and hurting and knowing that you are not alone. Someone else is going through it too.
Thanks so much to all of you who have shared this journey. I have watched so many come out of bitterness, and become effective champions in helping others to get their loved ones beyond the mind control of the WTS. You have helped me so much, and in turn, my JW friend is slowly but surely being freed. I can see it!