I reckon every week somebody new says "why all the anger, why can't you just move on?" as if this is a new thought that hasn't occurred to us. I have started this thread so that every time I see a new one I can point out how old that idea is.
I have this to say about it:
Congratulations. It's great that you have obviously been able to get out without being harmed in some way - really, I'm happy for you. A lot probably do, and that's great. There is a proportion though who have been monumentally messed up, and some are here talking about it. We have here a lot of people who have made the break but can't believe how much it still hurts. Other people have just realised they can't be a witness anymore but are still married to one / raising one / living under their roof…
There are people here who will never get the opportunity to completely heal. Even if they don't happen to have to face it in their daily lives, occasionally an weird random event will happen and they'll need to talk about it - a psychotic funeral, a retracted wedding invitation, a big family event that we weren't even told about, the graduation of a nephew they hadn't even had a photo of since he was born...
I agree that there are far worse things that could have happened to us than our family disowning us. Our country might have been invaded, or we might have a debilitating disease, or we might have been abused, etc. For most of us though, the big problem we have to deal with in our lives is that everybody we ever knew and loved has rejected us and never wants to see us again. Lets call it a thousand divorces. It hurts. Some people can cope and move on, others can't.
My siblings will never talk to me again. My parents are going slowly mad because our family has broken up and it never occurred to them that they'd grow old. Not an hour goes by without me choking up about this. It makes me especially sad when people dismiss this hurt I feel as if it's something so insignificant. Worse: it's never going to change. They're never going to ease off or come around. If I manage to even get a tiny happy thought through to them it actually hardens them more. This is my entire family life from now until I die. This rejection sometimes makes me feel utterly worthless. So yes I'm angry - at them for being so hateful and manipulative and at the organisation that encourages their ignorance, but mostly at myself for being dumb enough to have bought into it. This anger though - it isn't my biggest problem.
It's really great that you're doing well. What I'd like is that you either give us the pill you took to fix it, or that you would google up MyLifeIsPerfect.com or MyFamilyAreSane.net and go hang out there instead.
