I walked off the job today....

by Terry 103 Replies latest jw friends

  • Terry

    Can't explain this one.

    Right in the middle of my shift I became disassociative.

    My brain locked and I threw my hands up and kept repeating, "I can't do this! I can't take this!" and went

    right out the front door of the bookstore.

    I wasn't angry. I wasn't depressed.

    I just.......well.........snapped.

    I drove around for a long while. Had a cup of coffee at Starbucks and sat.

    It was like being a passenger in my own body/head.

    What did I feel? Nothing. That's the icy truth.

    I still don't.

    I'm going to make an appointment with a Mental Health Professional for Monday.

    Embarassing is what it is.


  • brinjen


    Wow Are you OK now? Maybe you've been under more stress than you realise, it can build up and hit you when you least expect it.

  • IP_SEC
    It was like being a passenger in my own body/head.

    Wow Terry. You may be depressed and dont realize it.

    Im glad you are going to make that appointment.

  • Open mind
    Open mind

    If it's any comfort Terry, we've probably all felt like doing just that. I know I have for sure. So don't beat yourself up too badly.

    I'm hopeful that you'll be just fine though because of this:

    "I'm going to make an appointment with a Mental Health Professional for Monday."

    That's a much better idea than going to more meetings, knocking on more doors, or letting non-professional "spiritual men" have a crack at what's going on inside your head.

    Take it slow. Let the world turn. I care about you and I know others here do too.

    Even though you're a *%( D(*%_# atheist!!! (Oh wait, I'm pretty close to that myself!) ;-)

    Take care Terry.

    Open Mind

  • nvrgnbk

    You shouldn't be embarrassed, Terry.

    I am not, I repeat, am not, kissing your ass when I say this, but you are frustrated because you're a great and wise man feeling frustrated by the futility of it all.

    That's my take on it.

    You come here to express the creative and sometimes brilliant side of yourself, but that's not enough.

    You want more.

    I hope you can get that fixed.

    But I think you already know the answer to that.

    Take care, brother.

  • MadTiger

    I cosign nvrgnbk's diagnosis 100%

  • Satanus

    Talking to a councelor who gets you talking is an ecxellent idea. I would say, go w you reaction of leaving the job. Leave it behind and seek a new direction.

    Sometimes there is stuff going on subconsciously that we don't realise, consciously. It's like the part of the ice berg below the water line. Taking a look there isn't that hard. Just sit on a comfortable upright chair in a place where you will be undisturbed. Then, focus on your breath. Try to do this for half an hour, and let happen what happens in your mind. By keeping your focus on your breath, it will help you to be an observer, without interacting too much w the thoughts/feelings coming up.


  • BFD

    Wow, Terry, I am sorry to hear about this. I hope it all works out for you. I think you are a great guy.


  • Terry

    These kind words are a boon! Thanks.

    I can only describe this as being a quadraplegic. My mind gives commands and my body does not respond.

    This is very specific to certain things. All the rest works fine.

    I couldn't stay in the store and function. So, my body walked out. It drove a car. It refused to answer the phone for

    about three hours.

    I needed to call work and my body would not do it. I asked my son and he did it for me.

    Impulsively, I answered one phone call and it was the Manager at work worried about me.

    I tried to "explain" that I didn't know what was happening and that it wasn't anybody's fault.

    He was very understanding.

    This morning I can't make myself make the phone call to work telling them I'm not coming in.

    I just e-mailed my son to make the call.

    Very, very weird.

    The same thing (or similar) happened to my other son about two years ago. He is brilliant kid, good-humored, upbeat, wonderful.....

    He broke down on the way to school and couldn't go. He just suddenly stopped functioning. It was a helluva two years.

    It still is hard. He's come a long way. He is in a special school now and has an A average. But, he's OCD and has Asperger's.

    Life is strange.

  • Quandry


    It's been a loooooooong hot summer in Texas.

    Stresses and strains get to all of us, some more than others. I know just what you describe. Only as a woman, it comes out in different ways. Sometimes I need to go somewhere, or do something, and I just can't. I sit and cry. I thought it was just me after thirty years in the Borg and depression from it all. Maybe there is more to it.....

    Hope you can take a few days off and relax. Don't know if you are near the coast, that would be nice.

    You will prevail. We are made of stern stuff. We sometimes just need to re-group.

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