Seven years ago I helped to build a wall of love.
Since then I have begun removing a few stones from my side of the wall.
You asked me to look at this. It's really self sufficient. It isn't important what we think of it.
(But thanks for sharing your brother's thoughts) This is him saying more than "I forgive my
family for this." He is saying they were led astray by the men with books and ties, and he
forgives that, but also that he assisted the building of the wall. While he takes down some
of the bricks, he is patient with family on the inside. Art is subjective, the poem is art.
Forget the "art" part and just be there for your brother. If you must be there in secret because
of what the evil men in ties will do to you and your family, so be it, but don't let it be a
secret to him. Tell him how sorry you are that years were wasted. I am going to take some
of my own advice on that, and be there for some family members (that are non-JW, but still
were held at some distance).
Now, the rest of what you say:
I think I need to better explain my situation. If it was just me, (no wife, no kids) I'd be out the door right now. But
how exactly do you propose that I "Suck it up....be a man" ? I value my immediate family way too much to just have
a big blow up. The odds are very likely that it would end in divorce and a messy custody battle and me having much
less effective influence on my family's cognitive dissonance.
This is a familiar cry. I would be out the door if it weren't for my mother. I feel that I can keep my wife even as
I walk outside of the borg. I am not going to argue with you here. Every person knows his own situation. But
I read the words of someone arguing with himself. You have got to make progress toward an exit. That is your
dilemma. If I understand your situation right, you are still an elder, still actively preaching the message from the
pulpit and (even if half-assed) from door-to-door. This is killing you, man.
Find a way to get out of the elder business. Find a way to stop leaving poison at people's porches. You don't
have to do it all at once. Confide in your brother, more than you have. Start making steps. I think you need
more than baby steps, but even those would be better than saying "I have to remain here to help my family."
I contemplated it, but couldn't do that. Once I read how the truth was really the "anti-truth" I couldn't fade fast
enough. Even now, I contemplate a total disconnect from the WTS, but realize that just the quick fade has
helped me find peace enough.
A story (remember, you asked for my prospective). I have tried to maintain a strong bond with my wife as
I awoke to the truth. I went through a paranoid phase where I was sure that the elders would get her to spy on
me, and I still watch for that to happen. But I tried tearing down the religion, then refocused on just the relationship
and wait for her to ask me about the religion. I have done more to wake her up by walking away from elder, service,
and those meetings than any insider could ever do. If I had children, I would be worried that they might be in the
shrinking minority that doesn't leave the borg at young adulthood, and I would take more actions toward the door.
Again, I don't judge your situation. I sort of do an insider covert action with my mother because she's so deep into
it. Maybe what you are doing is right for your situation. Still, you cry out. WHY?
Today, my wife started talking about Bro. SO-and-SO still at Bethel, and Bro & Sis. Got-Pregnant-and-left-Bethel.
After I asked who was reporting back to her about people we knew long ago, I asked if Bro. SO-and-SO was facing
a lay-off or a reassignment to another area instead of Brooklyn. She asked me "Why?" I got up some courage and
told her-
"You know I get Google News alerts. Anything with 'Jehovah's Witnesses' in the story comes to my email. (That's
all she knows for a fact, the rest- she assumes silently.) So, there's been alot happening in Brooklyn this year. It
seems that the WTS settled 16 lawsuits over elders and the corporation's mishandling of child abuse cases. They
paid out probably between 50 and 100 million dollars to admit no guilt, and keep their records sealed on these cases.
(I explained the clergy privilege loss they had and how they had to open the books) Also, very recently, the WTS has
been selling as many as six buildings in Brooklyn. I think they are moving out to Patterson."
She said "Don't they have the right to settle cases without being guilty? What could they have done?"
"Yeah, they could have settled to avoid bad publicity, but if they are God's representative, shouldn't they allow God
to give them a victory with their day in court? Proclaim the message to kings and judges? Running away by
legal manuevers just looks like the actions of a regular corporation instead of God's representative."
We went back-and-forth on what would be the right thing to do, and finally I said (THIS IS WHERE I GET TO THE
POINT ON HOW THIS APPLIES TO YOU) "When these things come to light, two elders interview the little girl or
boy. Two guys just like me. You know how much child psychology and expert counseling training for children I have?
NONE. So two guys like me ask little 8 year old Suzy, "How did Uncle Fred touch you? Exactly how, again? How
often did this happen? Nobody else ever saw this? Mommy isn't putting words in your mouth, is she?" We ruin
the little child before they could ever speak to a professional. Wouldn't they be better off turning this over to a
professional to start with, making their case after the child gets what they need? No, they seek to protect the reputation
of the Jehovah's Witnesses Organization first, and helping the victim is way down the list. Plus, when there aren't two
witnesses, they let Uncle Fred continue to work with the children, and preach to families with children."
There was more, but MY POINT- I could never have been so straightforward as an elder or active JW. I only got away
with that because I am free to question them, but free to converse with my wife also. Search for that freedom. It's not
me demanding it. It's you crying out.
