What keeps you from killing yourself?

by AlmostAtheist 92 Replies latest jw friends

  • jojochan

    I can't stop watching 24, I want to see what Jack Bauer does next. XD!!!

    But really, There ARE times that I just don't see the point of going on anymore. I get those feelings from time to time. But to answer your question...I don't know, maybe hope? Hope that one day I would find what it is that I'm looking for.

    Then I'll be content. I'll be at peace.


  • Gill

    The kids would dig me up and make me cook the dinner!

    Also, I am not going anywhere till the Watchtower goes first!

  • Big Tex
    Big Tex
    When your demons pop up and remind you that you aren't obligated to keep on living, how do you dismiss them?

    Hemingway called them "black ass days". Until you've experienced them, you don't know how tenuous the hold on life can be.

    To survive, you must find a reason to live; something that means a great deal to you. Often it would mean little or nothing to others, but something resonates and you hold on to it deep inside.

    Mine came when I was measuring my life in hours (well I made it to lunch, wonder if I'll be around for dinner). I was off of work, on leave due to my depression (which caused me tremendous embarassment as I was only 24; manly men have to work doncha know). I flipped on one of the movie channels and got involved in the movie "Papillon" with Steve McQueen and Dustin Hoffman. I identified with the character of Papillon and his struggles in the concentration camp at Devil's Island felt to me like so much of my life.

    Finally at the end, he finally escapes on a tiny raft. The last scene has him floating in the ocean, no land in sight, sun beating down on him, his future looks bleak, but he has escaped his demons. He shakes his fist to the sky and yells "Hey you bastards! I'm still here."

    I'm still here.

  • AlmostAtheist
    Other than that, the search for meaning keeps me going. Although I'm beginning to wonder if there is any meaning at all. Perhaps there is no point, no greater purpose.

    Would that be a bad thing? No purpose? If we like being happy and we dislike being sad, could pursuing happiness be considered a purpose?

    And if there is no purpose, no point, does it really matter if any of us are here at all?

    You've said "we" and "us" in this post quite a bit. But this is more personal, more "me" and "you". Mankind as a whole may be a purposeless result of evolutionary sifting, but does that make the individuals meaningless, too?

    As I read your post, I thought back to when you first came to JWD. You were appealing and fun. Like so many others. I know I would miss seeing you around. Do we derive some purpose from knowing that others are interested in us, and would miss us?

    Kinda kicks the whole "I am a unique and beautiful snowflake" idea to the curb, now doesn't it?!

    No, no. Individualy, we are unique and beautiful. This is starting to make me feel like keeping our own individuality in the forefront of our minds would also aid in recognizing our purpose. (I used plural pronouns to speak of individuality -- There's your daily dose of irony, AuldSoul!)

    Err...sorry Dave. Didn't mean to hijack your thread with my insane ramblings. You asked.

    Indeed I did. And glad of it.


  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    Oh and life is pretty damn good too. I know there are bad times, sad times, times that I have a hard time seeing past the obstacle to another good time, but the good times are just so good.

    Also, many of us who have spent so many years in the JW's have not truly lived. So if you feel like giving up, remember you haven't lived yet. And then just live.

    Girl with an Opinion

  • wednesday

    BT I could not believe it when I saw you talk about Papillon. That movie, the characters, made a deep impression on me, as did another movie, less serious , Cool hande Luke.

    I have seen Papillon many times, and although it is not an easy watch, I have gained strength from this characters struggles.

    Sometimes it is hard to find a reason togo on, but I also know that if a person ends their own life, they yes end their own suffering, but pass it on to those left behind.

    For myself, I cant leave my husband and children here to endure this by themselves. I have to stay as long as my body allows me to.
    edited to add
    hey you Bastards, I'm still here.

  • fairchild
    We haven't written a decent book yet.

    Um, but you have, Dave. You have. Now what?

  • AlmostAtheist
    We haven't written a decent book yet.

    Um, but you have, Dave. You have. Now what?

    The trick is to keep an open definition of "decent"! :-)

  • daystar

    1. The love of my son.

    2. The love of some other I have yet to encounter. (??)

    3. The love of my family and friends.

    And even then, the thoughts creep in every now and again. The lack of real meaning can sometimes get to me since I recognize that all meaning is subjective .

    However, Love gives me joy. At least that is something to continue living for.

  • Jourles

    God, I spent how many years in the WTS? Now I just want to see them take it in the @ss like they gave it to me.

    And AA, I might be able to help you out on that motorcycle line item...

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