How much should a married woman show?

by greendawn 75 Replies latest jw friends

  • greendawn

    Do you think a married woman should go out provocatively dressed? Some of my friends accept it some don't and one had big arguments with his wife about the issue until the time when he cunningly got her to become overweight something that spoilt her good looks.

    Think of it, a married woman going out wearing tight shorts showing so much leg and buttocks and a top that reveals too much breast, as if almost saying "I am going out to entice some men", should a dignified husband accept that?

  • Fleur

    I actually had the opposite problem with my first husband. He wanted me to dress MORE revealing because he liked it when men ogled me. It made me sick and I was also trying to be a modest JW woman so his actions really upset me.

    Some of my friends accept it some don't and one had big arguments with his wife about the issue until the time when he cunningly got her to become overweight something that spoilt her good looks.

    That is totally underhanded. How can you sabotage the health of someone you're supposed to love? If she becomes diabetic or has other health issues because he 'got her to become overweight' then I hope he can live with himself! Also how long before this guy is ogling other women because his wife has 'let herself go' ???

    Having said that, no I don't think married women should dress like they're on the market, as it were. Nothing wrong with being stylish and showing a little leg but if you're looking like you're trying to pick somebody up...then you are.



  • Broken Hearted
    Broken Hearted

    As an ex married woman, I think that yes he should let his wife show off. He should be proud of how she looks in anything and even smile as men notice his wife, Knowing all the time she is going home with him. I know from my marriage one of the things that happened, I was not appreciated for who I was or how I looked. I also fell into the trap of dressing older than I was and gaining the extra weight from the depression. I am now 43 and dress younger today than I did in my late 20's to mid 30's. Husbands (boyfriends) enjoy looking at other women when they are out why not let the wife or girlfriend be the woman the other man is looking at. I also feel that this is sometimes where a marriage falls down, and eyes start looking else where on both parts, the wife sees the husband looking at the other woman and getting depressed, because he is not looking at her that way, or vise versa with the wife and the husband.

  • parakeet

    ***should a dignified husband accept that?***
    I think matters of personal taste--clothing, hairstyle, accessories--are individual choices. If I wanted to radically change my hair or clothing, I would ask my husband's opinion, but the final choice is mine. If a "dignified" husband does not like the way his wife dresses, he can tell her so, but it's still ultimately her decision. If he can't "accept" that, the marriage has bigger problems than clothing styles.
    ***...he cunningly got her to become overweight something that spoilt her good looks.***
    That's not cunning; that's vicious and unloving.

  • serendipity

    There are some men who like their gf's to dress provocatively, but once they get married, want 'em covered up. That's changing the rules and many women, if they flaunt it while single, are gonna want to flaunt it once married.

    I agree it's the woman's choice, but she should also be considerate of her husband's feelings. If there are arguments over clothing choices, it seems the real issue is about control and/or insecurity.

  • daystar

    Alternately, how would the wife feel if the man consistently dressed so as to purposely attract the attention of other women?

    These questions may not have answers that fit all scenarios. If a man is concerned his wife might allow too much attention to be given to her, in that she may cheat, then there is a problem. If their relationship is stable enough, it shouldn't be an issue at all.

    In my opinion, a person who is in love with someone should dress primarily to look good for the person they're in love with rather than for other people. But that certainly doesn't mean I would expect him or her to necessarily dress down when their SO is not going to be with them.

    It makes me sad that people are in a position to have such concerns.

  • lonelysheep

    There's nothing wrong with a married woman dressing NICE. If men want to look at her, they'll look when she's wearing sweats, a ponytail and no make-up. If showing her curves is a woman's style, then so be it. This isn't the 1800's.

  • Terry

    Where is the line between personal, private and intimate



    This is a boundry issue.

    People raised without boundries don't even understand why they are necessary.

    Here are a few reasons why personal boundries are important to society.

    1.Each person's space is protected from invasion when boundries exist. The old adage "Good fences make good neighbors" is an example.

    2.What we own is only truly owned if it is controlled by us. Think of the issue of second hand smoke. A person own's their lungs but cannot control what goes into them when somebody nearby is smoking. The boundry issue becomes distorted. It turns into a false debate over "rights". Rights (all of them) stem from the control of one's individual components PRO SURVIVAL.

    3.Good manners consist of not forcing another person out of their comfort zone of choice just to experience your own arbitrary pleasure.

    4.Modesty is a boundry issue. The intimate portions of a wife's anatomy are part of the marriage benefit, marriage contract and reason why society is protected when the arousal and satisfaction of natural desires are confined to a private sphere of exchange.

    5.Decency is a public and society issue. Each group has its standards which are always based on personal preferences derrived from values. To step outside a societal "norm" inflicts harm on the group by attacking the standard which stems from the values attached to behavior. Each individual chooses which group to belong to.

    6.Exhibitionism is a fetish. As such it reflects a distortion of the norm and brings disapproval. It pits one person's preferences against the group value system and creates an US vs THEM situation. This easily escalates into an unnecessary friction and disharmony.

    Ask yourself a simple question:

    If I display things in public which are ordinarily saved for private venues, then; how is "privacy" eroded for everyone?

    In other words, why is PRIVATE even a separate concept in the first place if it is interchangeable with PUBLIC?

    There is a reason privacy is protected in society. Think about why.

  • Fleur

    Control can go both ways. My ex wanted me to dress like a prostitute.

    I think there is plenty of room for women to express who they are and feel good about their bodies without looking like they're on their way to working the corner. I say leave something to the imagination, isn't it more glamorous to leave a little mystery about yourself and your body than to just go "here are the hooters and naughty bits, boys, get a load of em!"

    I see so many women who dress like they're 16 when they're old enough to be grandmothers and...personally of the two fates, I'd rather dress older. I mean, my man knows what I look like beneath it all LOL ;)

    that being said I'm not a slouch! But I just don't see why women give in to the media image of women as objects.

    We are so much more than our bits.

    This is more of a hotbutton issue for me than I realized! And I'm fuming even more over the guy who tricked his wife into getting fat! That's as bad as the relative I have who wants to dictate every calorie that his teeny tiny wife can eat. His eating disorder has become hers.

    I went through that ex felt the only 'excuse' any woman had to gain weight was to be pregnant and if I put on five pounds...grrr I need to go cool off thinking about this gets me really riled up.

  • LittleToe

    It's a control thing, isn't it? Why make rules, though?

    When folks lack confidence then jealousy raises it's ugly litttle head. It's a sad world...

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