I have to admit -- you worry me. I understand fading and the risks to you and your family. I also don't think anyone has the right to tell you how YOU should do your own personal fade. Only you know your situation -- and you must do things in a way you think will accomplish your goals.
My not going in Service led to me getting marked 'inactive' and 'spiritually sick' ergo, 'spiritually dangerous' because of some of my comments and questions. Eventually, my uber dub wife, began to suspect me of being 'demonized' and involved our children in her fantasies. She burnt a bunch of stuff bought at Garage Sales. What else could explain my depression & suicide attempt years earlier ?
She ended up divorcing me, my kids now shun me for those same WT induced reasons. I never foresaw those risks. As long as you've been here, I know you must.
My Mom died over what someone called the Watchtowers' words of "poison", I must disagree with you if you are beginning to think the "poisonous words" are not there. Although not everything is "poisonous", there is enough within those pages to have killed my Mom, alienated my children and all of my JW relatives (which are all now in danger of still dying over the "poison" blood issue). As well, most of the people here have experienced the effects of "poisonous words" including ...
...yourself. You were worried about exposing your 'apostate' attitude to the KH elders and your own wife. Why ? Imo, those same poisonous Watchtower words are having their effect on you.
My worry is that you may become complacent about what you have to do to fade and start sliding back in...to the comfort zone.
Again, taking a chance of losing your marriage is not something I'd recommend. I certainly never thought it would happen to me. In my case, I did meet someone who I am much happier with -- a non-jw. I got lucky, but not before a lot of pain and heartache settled into my life.
I wish you good luck !