to all jw apologist.....if your religion is so full of love then why....

by kittyeatzjdubs 71 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

  • kittyeatzjdubs

    Did my mother move to Florida without so much as a phone call or a letter letting me know? I found out from my ''WORLDLY'' aunt, 4 months after she had already left.

    She's back in town for the week. Did she call me to see how I'm doing? No. Leave a voicemail? No. At least write a letter? No....She told my other sister, who does the familiy's hair and is also dsf'd, to be sure to schedule her appointment so that she wouldn't run into me. So my sister called me today at work to tell me that she had to reschedule me because, ''Mom doesn't want to see you.''

    Don't witnesses model themselves after jesus' ministry? Correct me if i'm wrong, but didn't he eat and drink with tax collectors, sinners, and whores?

    It's really sad when my boyfriend's ''wordly'' family says ''I love you'' more than your own jw family. No one in my family has said those 3 words to me in over a year besides my father (nondub) and my other sister (dsf'd).

    Inquiring minds must know...why don't i deserve my jw family's love?


  • atypical

    I'm sorry, jojo. That is terrible. I can tell things are going downhill with my parents, and it is so hard to deal with. You are absolutely right, Jesus made a point to eat with all of the people that were considered "taboo". That is conveniently ignored by the witnesses.

  • serendipity

    ((( jo jo))) You deserve your family's love. Do they deserve yours?

  • kittyeatzjdubs
    You deserve your family's love. Do they deserve yours?

    that's why it hurts so bad, because i do love them. i love them with all my heart.

    (((atypical))) i'm so sorry you have to go through the same thing.....i'm sorry that anyone has's not right.

    luv, jojo

  • IronClaw

    Kitty, When I was DF'd back in 1984, my mother wouldn't talk to me at all. One day when visiting my "wordly aunts", as I was walking down the sidewalk to their house my mom was coming out with one of my aunts. Wouldn't you know my aunt said Hi Jim coffees on upstairs. My mom looked the other way and kept walking. Why oh Why did I ever get reinstated??? I must of been on drugs or something. I agree with you. "Worldly people" treat you for who you are and not for what you are or are not.

    The Claw.

  • kittyeatzjdubs

    hmph....all the dubs must be at the meeting or studying.

  • Death to the Pixies
    Death to the Pixies

    Hey Kittie, sorry to here of your situation, as a JW however, I must remind not to make broad generalizations, my sister is D'fd and due to circumstances, She moved in with me. As far as Family, there is a certian level of individuality to it.

    May I Ask why your Mom has decided to act in this way?

  • lisaBObeesa
    Hey Kittie, sorry to here of your situation, as a JW however, I must remind not to make broad generalizations, my sister is D'fd and due to circumstances, She moved in with me.

    What are you saying? Most JWs don't shun DF family members? Some don't shun family members? Some shun them, but talk to them a tiny bit from time to time?

    How nice that your DF sister lives in your house so you can speak to her a little according to the August 2002 Kingdom Ministry. Wow you are such a loving person. You have allowed the ' leaven' into your home. Very brave of you. I think you are doing the right thing, the loving thing, if infact you are still treating her with love and speaking to her as you did before. Well, my family isn't like yours. I guess maybe they are stronger in the truth or something. And Kitty's family isn't like yours..... I have heard of a few families like yours..but.... I think, I can safely say that GENERALLY, Jehovah's Witnesses SHUN DF family members. The instructions from God the Governing Body, people who run this racket have been very, very clear.

    I don't think you quite understand the level of PAIN and ANGUISH you are stepping into when you posted this.

    May I Ask why your Mom has decided to act in this way?

    Perhaps the following is the answer to your question! Thanks to Undisfellowshipped for putting the following list together:

    "Those who are acquainted with the situation in the congregation should never say `Hello' or `Goodby' to [the Disfellowshipped person]. He is not welcome in our midst, we avoid him." (The Watchtower March 1st 1952 Issue, Page 141)

    "We must hate (the Disfellowshipped person) in the truest sense, which is to regard with extreme active aversion, to consider (the Disfellowshipped person) as loathsome, odious, filthy, to detest." (The Watchtower October 1st 1952 Issue, Page 599)

    "In the case of where a father or mother or son or daughter is disfellowshiped, how should such person be treated by members of the family in their family relationship?"

    "We are not living today among theocratic nations where such members of our fleshly family relationship could be exterminated for apostasy from God and his theocratic organization, as was possible and was ordered in the nation of Israel in the wilderness of Sinai and in the land of Palestine. "Thou shalt surely kill him; thy hand shall be first upon him to put him to death, and afterwards the hand of all the people. And thou shalt stone him to death with stones, because he hath sought to draw thee away from Jehovah thy God, . . . And all Israel shall hear, and fear, and shall do no more any such wickedness as this is in the midst of thee."-Deut. 13:6-11, AS."

    "Being limited by the laws of the worldly nation in which we live and also by the laws of God through Jesus Christ, we can take action against apostates only to a certain extent, that is, consistent with both sets of laws."

    "The law of the land and God's law through Christ forbid us to kill apostates, even though they be members of our own flesh-and-blood family relationship. However, God's law requires us to recognize their being disfellowshiped from his congregation, and this despite the fact that the law of the land in which we live requires us under some natural obligation to live with and have dealings with such apostates under the same roof."

    "...if the children are of age, then there can be a departing and breaking of family ties in a physical way, because the spiritual ties have already snapped."

    "If children are of age and continue to associate with a disfellowshiped parent because of receiving material support from him or her, then they must consider how far their spiritual interests are being endangered by continuing under this unequal arrangement, and whether they can arrange to support themselves, living apart from the fallen-away parent. Their continuing to receive material support should not make them compromise so as to ignore the disfellowshiped state of the parent. If, because of acting according to the disfellowship order of the company of God's people, they become threatened with a withdrawal of the parental support, then they must be willing to take such consequences."

    "Satan's influence through the disfellowshiped member of the family will be to cause the other member or members of the family who are in the truth to join the disfellowshiped member in his course or in his position toward God's organization. To do this would be disastrous, and so the faithful family member must recognize and conform to the disfellowship order. How would or could this be done while living under the same roof or in personal, physical contact daily with the disfellowshiped? In this way: By refusing to have religious relationship with the disfellowshiped."

    " have religious communion with the disfellowshiped person - no, there would be none of that! The faithful marriage partner would not discuss religion with the apostate or disfellowshiped and would not accompany that one to his (or her) place of religious association and participate in the meetings with that one. As Jesus said: "If he does not listen even to the congregation [which was obliged to disfellowship him], let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector [to Jehovah's sanctified nation]." (Matt. 18:17, NW) Hurt to such one would not be authorized, but there would be no spiritual or religious fellowshiping."

    "The same rule would apply to those who are in the relation of parent and child or of child and parent. What natural obligation falls upon them according to man's law and God's law the faithful parent or the faithful child will comply with. But as for rendering more than that and having religious fellowship with such one in violation of the congregation's disfellowship order-no, none of that for the faithful one! If the faithful suffers in some material or other way for the faithful adherence to theocratic law, then he must accept this as suffering for righteousness' sake."

    "The purpose of observing the disfellowship order is to make the disfellowshiped one realize the error of his way and to shame him, if possible, so that he may be recovered, and also to safeguard your own salvation to life in the new world in vindication of God. (2 Thess. 3:14, 15; Titus 2:8) Because of being in close, indissoluble natural family ties and being of the same household under the one roof you may have to eat material food and live physically with that one at home, in which case 1 Corinthians 5:9-11 and 2 John 10 could not apply; but do not defeat the purpose of the congregation's disfellowship order by eating spiritual or religious food with such one or receiving such one favorably in a religious way and bidding him farewell with a wish for his prosperity in his apostate course." (The Watchtower November 15th 1952 Issue)

    "Generally speaking, it would be desirable for us to have no contact with disfellowshiped persons, either in business or in social and spiritual ways." (The Watchtower December 1st 1952 Issue, Page 735)

    "in order to hate what is bad a Christian must hate the [Disfellowshipped] person" (The Watchtower July 15th 1961 Issue, Page 420)

    "[Disfellowshiping] serves as a powerful warning example to those in the congregation, since they will be able to see the disastrous consequences of ignoring Jehovah's laws. Paul said: "Reprove before all onlookers persons who practice sin, that the rest also may have fear." 1 Tim. 5:20." (The Watchtower July 1st 1963 Issue, Page 411)

    "[The members of the congregation] will not converse with such one or show him recognition in any way. If the disfellowshiped person attempts to talk to others in the congregation, they should walk away from him. In this way he will feel the full import of his sin.... the disfellowshiped person who wants to do what is right should inform any approaching him in innocence that he is disfellowshiped and they should not be conversing with him." (The Watchtower July 1st 1963 Issue, Page 413)

    "In the case of the disfellowshiped relative who does not live in the same home, contact with him is also kept to what is absolutely necessary. As with secular employment, this contact is limited and even curtailed completely if at all possible."

    "We should not see how close we can get to relatives who are disfellowshiped from Jehovah's organization, but we should 'quit mixing in company' with them."

    "What if a person cut off from God's congregation unexpectedly visits dedicated relatives? What should the Christian do then? If this is the first occurrence of such visit, the dedicated Christian can, if his conscience permits, carry on family courtesies on that particular occasion. However, if his conscience does not permit, he is under no obligation to do so. If courtesies are extended, though, the Christian should make it clear that this will not be made a regular practice.... The excommunicated relative should be made to realize that his visits are not now welcomed as they were previously when he was walking correctly with Jehovah." (The Watchtower July 15th 1963 Issue, Pages 443-444)

    "If the excommunicated husband insists on offering prayer at mealtimes, the dedicated members of the household would not say "Amen" to the prayer, nor would they join hands as some have the custom, as this would be participating spiritually. They could bow their heads and offer their own silent prayer to Jehovah." (The Watchtower July 15th 1963 Issue, Page 446)

    "In faithfulness to God, none in the congregation should greet such [Disfellowshipped] persons when meeting them in public nor should they welcome these into their homes." (Organization for Kingdom-Preaching and Disciple-Making Book, 1972 Edition, Pages 172-173)

    " you know how to hate? These very strong words are an expression of godly hate, and you too must have this quality to be pleasing to God. Hate causes a feeling of disgust to well up inside you. You loathe, abhor, despise the object of your hatred." (The Watchtower July 15th 1974 Issue, Page 442)

    "[The Disfellowshipped Jehovah's Witnesses are to be hated] in the sense of avoiding them as we would poison or a poisonous snake." (The Watchtower June 15th 1980 Issue, Page 8)

    "Thus, the one who doubts to the point of becoming an apostate sets himself up as a judge. He thinks he knows better than his fellow Christians, better also than the 'faithful and discreet slave,' through whom he has learned the best part, if not all that he knows about Jehovah God and his purposes." (The Watchtower August 1st 1980 Issue, Page 19)

    "Persons who make themselves not of our sort by deliberately rejecting the faith and beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses should appropriately be viewed and treated as are those who have been disfellowshiped for wrongdoing."

    "...they would not want to have... fellowship with an expelled sinner (or one who has renounced the faith and beliefs of Jehovah's Witnesses, disassociating himself). The expelled person has been rejected, being self-condemned because of sinning, and those in the congregation both accept God's judgment and uphold it. Disfellowshiping, however, implies more than ceasing to have spiritual fellowship. -Titus 3:10, 11."

    "Paul wrote: Quit mixing in company... , not even eating with such a man. (1 Cor. 5:11) A meal is a time of relaxation and socializing. Hence, the Bible here rules out social fellowship, too, such as joining an expelled person in a picnic or party, ball game, trip to the beach or theater, or sitting down to a meal with him." (The Watchtower September 15th 1981 Issue, Pages 23-24)

    "...Korah, Dathan and Abiram rebelled. Jehovah confirmed that he was dealing through Moses and Aaron, not through these religious rebels. Then Moses told the people to get away from the rebels' tents. What would the children and households of Korah, Dathan and Abiram do? Would they put loyalty to family ahead of loyalty to Jehovah and his congregation? Most of those closely related to the rebels put family before God. Jehovah executed these relatives along with the rebels. Num. 16:16-33." (The Watchtower September 15th 1981 Issue, Page 26)

    "The second situation that we need to consider is that involving a disfellowshiped or disassociated relative who is not in the immediate family circle or living at ones home. Such a person is still related by blood or marriage, and so there may be some limited need to care for necessary family matters. Nonetheless, it is not as if he were living in the same home where contact and conversation could not be avoided. We should keep clearly in mind the Bibles inspired direction: Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person... , not even eating with such a man. 1 Cor. 5:11."

    "Christians related to such a disfellowshiped person living outside the home should strive to avoid needless association, even keeping business dealings to a minimum." (The Watchtower September 15th 1981 Issue, Page 29)

    "Great care needs to be exercised that a person's situation as a disfellowshiped sinner is neither overlooked nor minimized. As the sons of Korah well demonstrated, our chief loyalty must be to Jehovah and his theocratic arrangement. We can be sure that when we uphold his standards and prefer association with his organized people, rather than with wrongdoers, we will have his protection and blessing. -Ps. 84:10-12."

    "Normally, relatives are often together at meals, picnics, family reunions or other social gatherings. But when someone has unrepentantly pursued sin and has had to be disfellowshiped, he may cause difficulties for his Christian relatives in regard to such gatherings. While they realize that they are still related to him, they do not want to ignore Paul's advice that faithful Christians should quit mixing in company with an expelled sinner."

    "If a disfellowshiped relative comes to the Kingdom Hall for the wedding, obviously he could not be in the bridal party there or give away the bride. What, though, if there is a wedding feast or reception? This can be a happy social occasion, as it was in Cana when Jesus attended. (John 2:1, 2) But will the disfellowshiped relative be allowed to come or even be invited? If he was going to attend, many Christians, relatives or not, might conclude that they should not be there, to eat and associate with him, in view of Paul's drections at 1 Corinthians 5:11."

    "Would upholding God's righteousness and his disfellowshiping arrangement mean that a Christian should not speak at all with an expelled person, not even saying 'Hello'? And we all know from our experience over the years that a simple 'Hello' to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowshiped person?" (The Watchtower September 15th 1981 Issue, Page 30)

    "...if someone is disfellowshiped, he must at the time have had a truly bad heart and/or been determined to pursue a God-dishonoring course. Peter said that the condition of such a person is worse than before he became a Christian; he is like 'a sow that was bathed but has gone back to rolling in the mire.' " (The Watchtower January 1st 1983 Issue, Page 30)

    "But human emotions and attachments can have a powerful effect, making it difficult for people to act in accord with the disfellowshiping decree if a relative is involved."

    "... the expelled mate has proved that he is not the sort of person that we want to be around... So maybe a visit can be made when the disfellowshiped one is known to be out of the house." (The Watchtower January 1st 1983 Issue, Page 31)

    "We have been forewarned that there will be apostates and people who just like to have their ears tickled. Counsel such as at 2 John 9-11, 1 Corinthians 5:11-13 and 2 Timothy 3:5 allows no room for associating with those who turn away from the truth. Nor do we purchase or read their writings." (The Watchtower December 15th 1984 Issue, Page 19)

    "Such ones willfully abandoning the Christian congregation thereby become part of the "antichrist." (1 John 2:18, 19)"

    "A person who had willfully and formally disassociated himself from the congregation would have matched that description." (The Watchtower December 15th 1984 Issue, Page 31)

    "Now, what will you do if you are confronted with apostate teaching - subtle reasonings - claiming that what you believe as one of Jehovah's Witnesses is not the truth? For example, what will you do if you receive a letter or some literature, open it and see right away that it is from an apostate? Will curiosity cause you to read it, just to see what he has to say? You may even reason: "It won't affect me; I'm too strong in the truth. And, besides, if we have the truth, we have nothing to fear. The truth will stand the test." In thinking this way, some have fed their minds upon apostate reasoning and have fallen prey to serious questioning and doubt."

    "Do you wisely destroy apostate material?" (The Watchtower March 15th 1986 Issue, Page 12)

    "Why is reading apostate publications similar to reading pornographic literature?" (The Watchtower March 15th 1986 Issue, Page 14)

    "Beware of those who try to put forward their own contrary opinions." (The Watchtower March 15th 1986 Issue, Page 17)

    "Therefore, resolve in your heart that you will never even touch the poison that apostates want you to sip." (The Watchtower March 15th 1986 Issue, Page 20)

    "Why have Jehovah's Witnesses disfellowshipped (excommunicated) for apostasy some who still profess belief in God, the Bible, and Jesus Christ?"

    "Teaching dissident or divergent views is not compatible with true Christianity, as Paul makes clear at 1 Corinthians 1:10: "I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that all of you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought." (New International Version)"

    "Was this unity to be achieved and maintained by each one's independently searching the Scriptures, coming to his own conclusions, and then teaching these? Not at all!"

    "Yes, with the help of such ministers, congregational unity - oneness in teaching and activity - could be and would be possible.-Ephesians 4:11-13."

    "Obviously, a basis for approved fellowship with Jehovah's Witnesses cannot rest merely on a belief in God, in the Bible, in Jesus Christ, and so forth."

    "simply professing to have such beliefs [in God, the Bible, and Jesus Christ] would not authorize one to be known as one of Jehovah's Witnesses."

    "Approved association with Jehovah's Witnesses requires accepting the entire range of the true teachings of the Bible, including those Scriptural beliefs that are unique to Jehovah's Witnesses. What do such beliefs include?"

    "That Jesus Christ had a prehuman existence and is subordinate to his heavenly Father. (John 14:28) That there is a "faithful and discreet slave" upon earth today 'entrusted with all of Jesus' earthly interests,' which slave is associated with the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses. (Matthew 24:45-47) That 1914 marked the end of the Gentile Times and the establishment of the Kingdom of God in the heavens, as well as the time for Christ's foretold presence. (Luke 21:7-24; Revelation 11:15-12:10) That only 144,000 Christians will receive the heavenly reward. (Revelation 14:1, 3) That Armageddon, referring to the battle of the great day of God the Almighty, is near. (Revelation 16:14, 16; 19:11-21) That it will be followed by Christ's Millennial Reign, which will restore an earth-wide paradise. That the first to enjoy it will be the present "great crowd" of Jesus' "other sheep."-John 10:16; Revelation 7:9-17; 21:3, 4."

    "{The Apostle] John goes on to say regarding those holding such variant views: "If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into your homes or say a greeting to him. For he that says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works."-2 John 7, 10, 11."

    "Following such Scriptural patterns, if a Christian (who claims belief in God, the Bible, and Jesus) unrepentantly promotes false teachings, it may be necessary for him to be expelled from the congregation. (See Titus 3:10, 11.)" (The Watchtower April 1st 1986 Issue, Pages 30-31)

    " "Cutting ourselves off completely from all association with (my disfellowshipped sister) Margaret tested our loyalty to Jehovah's arrangement. It gave our family opportunity to show that we really believe that Jehovah's way is best." -Lynette."

    "God's fatherly discipline, which can affect our spiritual lives, can take many forms. One is his arrangement to exclude from the Christian congregation a person who no longer wants to live by God's standards, or who refuses to do so. A person who is thus strongly chastised or disciplined may repent and turn around. In the process, the congregation of loyal ones are also disciplined in that they learn the importance of conforming to God's high standards. 1 Timothy 1:20."

    "Occasionally... a person deviates from the path of truth. For example, despite help from Christian elders, he may unrepentantly violate God's laws. Or he may reject the faith by teaching false doctrine or by disassociating himself from the congregation. Then what should be done?"

    "shunning would be appropriate... for anyone who rejects the congregation [of Jehovah's Witnesses]"

    "So the direction at 2 John 11 could well mean not to say even "hello" to such ones"

    "We can be... sure that God's arrangement that Christians refuse to fellowship with someone who has been expelled for unrepentant sin is a wise protection for us"

    "By also avoiding persons who have deliberately disassociated themselves, Christians are protected from possible critical, unappreciative, or even apostate views."

    "Cutting off from the Christian congregation does not involve immediate death, so family ties continue. Thus, a man who is disfellowshipped or who disassociates himself may still live at home with his Christian wife and faithful children. Respect for God's judgments and the congregation's action will move the wife and children to recognize that by his course, he altered the spiritual bond that existed between them. Yet, since his being disfellowshipped does not end their blood ties or marriage relationship, normal family affections and dealings can continue."

    "The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home. It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative. Even if there were some family matters requiring contact, this certainly would be kept to a minimum, in line with the divine principle: "Quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person [or guilty of another gross sin], ... not even eating with such a man." 1 Corinthians 5:11."

    "Understandably, this may be difficult because of emotions and family ties, such as grandparents' love for their grandchildren. Yet, this is a test of loyalty to God"

    "Lynette's comment about her choice 'to cut herself off completely from all association' with her disfellowshipped sister Margaret. She and her Christian relatives 'believed that Jehovah's way is best.' And it is!"

    "Lynette's sister later told her: 'If you had viewed the disfellowshipping lightly, I know that I would not have taken steps toward reinstatement as soon as I did. Being totally cut off from loved ones and from close contact with the congregation created a strong desire to repent. I realized just how wrong my course was and how serious it was to turn my back on Jehovah.' "

    "In another case, Laurie's parents were disfellowshipped. Yet she says: 'My association with them never stopped but increased. As time went on, I became more and more inactive. I got to the point of not even attending [Jehovah's Witnesses] meetings.' Then she read material in The Watchtower of September 1 and 15, 1981, that stressed the counsel of 1 Corinthians 5:11-13 and 2 John 9-11. "It was as if a light bulb were turned on in me," she writes. 'I knew I would have to make some changes. I now better understand the meaning of Matthew 10:34-36. My decision was not an easy one for my family to swallow, for my son, five, is the only boy, and they love him dearly.' It is hoped that losing such association will touch the parents' hearts, as it did Margaret's."

    "What may seem harsh to outsiders is both necessary and really a loving thing to do." (The Watchtower April 15th 1988 Issue)

    "Many try to portray the beliefs and practices of Jehovah's Witnesses as dogmatic and restrictive. When answering questions about your religious beliefs and practices, emphasize the fact that you have formed your beliefs and adopted your practices after much study and reflection your religion is not simply a matter of rules which have been imposed by the elders. You want to emphasize the fact that you are a thinking, well-balanced, and reasonable individual who is competent to act as a parent. Avoid any response which gives the impression that you are unwilling or unable to provide for your child's best interests because of your religious beliefs." (Preparing For Child Custody Cases Booklet published by Jehovah's Witnesses)

    "Disfellowshipped and disassociated ones are shunned by those who wish to have a good relationship with Jehovah."

    "Basic Scriptural counsel on the proper view of those who have been expelled from the congregation is set out in the apostle Paul's words at 1 Corinthians 5:11- 13."

    "John counsels against speaking to or associating with a disfellowshipped or disassociated person so as not to be "a sharer in his wicked works." (2 John 11)" (Pay Attention to Yourselves and to All the Flock, Confidential Elders-Only Rule Book, 1991 Edition, Page 103)

    "Former friends and relatives might hope that a disfellowshipped one would return; yet out of respect for the command at 1 Corinthians 5:11, they do not associate with an expelled person." (The Watchtower April 15th 1991 Issue)------------------------------------------------

    "Apostasy is, in reality, a rebellion against Jehovah. Some apostates profess to know and serve God, but they reject teachings or requirements set out in his Word. Others claim to believe the Bible, but they reject Jehovah's organization and actively try to hinder its work. When they deliberately choose such badness after knowing what is right, when the bad becomes so ingrained that it is an inseparable part of their makeup, then a Christian must hate (in the Biblical sense of the word) those who have inseparable attached themselves to the badness." (The Watchtower October 1st 1993 Issue, Page 19)

    "Why is it loving to expel an unrepentant wrongdoer from the congregation? Doing so is an expression of love for Jehovah and his ways. (Psalm 97:10) This action shows love for those pursuing a righteous course because it removes from their midst one who could exercise a bad influence on them. It also protects the purity of the congregation." (The Watchtower July 15th 1995 Issue)

    "...we must not only "be obedient" but also "be submissive" to those taking the lead. The Greek word for "be submissive" literally means "be you yielding under." Commenting on the expressions "be obedient" and "be submissive," Bible scholar R. C. H. Lenski says: "One obeys when one agrees with what he is told to do, is persuaded of its correctness and profitableness; one yields . . . when he has a contrary opinion." When we understand and agree with the direction of those taking the lead, obedience may come readily. But what if we do not understand the reason behind a particular decision?"

    "Here is where we may need to be submissive, or yielding. Why? For one thing, we need to trust that these spiritually qualified men have our best interests at heart. After all, they well know that they must render an account to Jehovah for the sheep committed to their care. (James 3:1) In addition, we do well to remember that we may not know all the confidential facts that led them to an informed decision.-Proverbs 18:13."

    "What about being submissive when it comes to judicial decisions? Granted, this may not be easy, especially if a decision is made to disfellowship someone we love-a relative or a close friend. Here again, it is best to yield to the judgment of the "gifts in men." They are in a position to be more objective than we can be, and they may know more of the facts."

    "...[the elders] must also keep the congregation clean, and the Bible directs that they disfellowship unrepentant wrongdoers. (1 Corinthians 5:11-13) In many cases the wrongdoer himself accepts the decision. The discipline may be just what he needs to come to his senses. If we, his loved ones, are submissive when it comes to the decision, we may thereby be helping him to benefit from the discipline." (The Watchtower March 1st 1998 Issue)

    What About Slanderous Publicity?

    "At times, Jehovah's Witnesses have been the target of distorted information in the media. For example, on August 1, 1997, a Russian newspaper published a slanderous article claiming, among other things, that Witnesses categorically require members to 'reject their wives, husbands, and parents if these do not understand and do not share their faith.' Anyone who is truly acquainted with Jehovah's Witnesses knows that the charge is false. The Bible indicates that Christians are to treat unbelieving family members with love and respect, and Witnesses endeavor to follow that direction. (1 Corinthians 7:12-16; 1 Peter 3:1-4) Even so, the article was printed, and many readers were thus misinformed. How can we defend our faith when we are falsely accused?" (The Watchtower December 1st 1998 Issue, Page 17)

    "As for disfellowshipped relatives not living in the same household, Jehovah's Witnesses apply the Bible's counsel: "quit mixing with them." " (Taken from the Official Jehovah's Witnesses Media Website at



    "The bond between family members can be very strong. This brings a test upon a Christian when a marriage mate, a child, a parent, or another close relative is disfellowshipped or has disassociated himself from the congregation."

    "How to Treat Expelled Ones: God's Word commands Christians not to keep company or fellowship with a person who has been expelled from the congregation"

    "Jesus was... instructing his followers not to associate with expelled ones."

    "This means that loyal Christians do not have spiritual fellowship with anyone who has been expelled from the congregation. But more is involved. God's Word states that we should 'not even eat with such a man.' (1 Cor. 5:11) Hence, we also avoid social fellowship with an expelled person. This would rule out joining him in a picnic, party, or trip to the shops or theatre or sitting down to a meal with him either in the home or at a restaurant."

    "What about speaking with a disfellowshipped person?"

    "A simple 'Hello' to someone can be the first step that develops into a conversation and maybe even a friendship. Would we want to take that first step with a disfellowhipped person?"

    "The fact is that when a Christian gives himself over to sin and has to be disfellowshipped, he forfeits much: his approved standing with God;....sweet fellowship with the brothers, including much of the association he had with Christian relatives."

    "Former spiritual ties have been completely severed. This is true even with respect to his relatives, including those within his immediate family circle....That will mean changes in the spiritual fellowship that may have existed in the home. For example, if the husband is disfellowshipped, his wife and children will not be comfortable with him conducting a family Bible study or leading in Bible reading and prayer."

    "The situation is different if the disfellowshipped or disassociated one is a relative living outside the immediate family circle and home"

    "It might be possible to have almost no contact at all with the relative."

    "Loyal Christians should strive to avoid needless association with such a relative, even keeping business dealings to an absolute minimum."

    "Sometimes Christian parents have accepted back into their home for a time a disfellowshipped child who has become physically or emotionally ill. But in each case the parents can weigh the individual circumstances."

    "Will he bring 'leaven' into the home?"

    "Cooperating with the Scriptual arrangement to disfellowship and shun unrepentant wrongdoers is beneficial."

    "After hearing a talk at a [Jehovah's Witnesses] circuit assembly, a brother and his fleshly sister realized that they needed to make adjustments in the way they treated their mother, who lived elsewhere and who had been disfellowshipped for six years. Immediately after the assembly, the man called his mother, and after assuring her of their love, he explained that they could no longer talk to her unless there were important family matters requiring contact. Shortly thereafter, his mother began attending meetings and was eventually reinstated. Also, her unbelieving husband began studying and in time was baptized [as a Jehovah's Witness]." (Our Kingdom Ministry August 2002 Issue [Monthly Internal Publication of the Jehovah's Witnesses])

    I only highlighted a few parts that had to do with df family......but there were so many of them I got tired and gave up. -Lisa (ps: sorry about the wierd spaces in this post...I kept trying to edit to fix them and it just got worse...)
  • kittyeatzjdubs
    Hey Kittie, sorry to here of your situation, as a JW however, I must remind not to make broad generalizations, my sister is D'fd and due to circumstances, She moved in with me. As far as Family, there is a certian level of individuality to it.

    May I Ask why your Mom has decided to act in this way?

    well as a person who has been dsf'd 2 times i must ask....

    how loving is it when you have been dsf'd for the first time at 16 years of age...and whenever a jw family member comes over, you are told to go into your room and shut the door? this is not a broad individuality. this is what my mother was told to do by the elders in the congregation.

    i commend you for taking in your sister while she is/was dsf'd.............but i honestly believe you are one in a million...

    the last local needs talk that i heard when it comes to disfellowshipping those of ''the flock'' is that you shun them even if it is your only child. i don't understand how a religion that is so based on love, can be so do you deny a young woman the love of her mother based on manly sin?

    you also asked why my mother decided to act in this way?

    honestly.....if you must know...

    i had an affair w/ a married man from another congregation. but his own wife has forgiven me before my own family........

    so i guess that makes me a whore unworthy of my mother's love.


  • kittyeatzjdubs


    thank you lisa for posting that information.


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