why cant they see how cruel they are??

by Cordelia 63 Replies latest jw friends

  • Cordelia

    Why just because i am dfed (march) can my family and all the friends ive ever known tell me i am dead to them?

    why have i missed two important family weddings and been told i ruined them coz everyone was upset?

    why if ihave tried to please them and tried once to get reinstated and now finally felt i have to be true to myself have i caused such pain all over again?

    i finally told my dad i wanted my boyfriend who has stuck by me thru so much, and i even said wed marry and then id get reinstated and he said he wouldnt want to have anythin to do with a boy who has wrecked my marriage (he didnt it was pretty dead anyway!)

    i told them jesus would not be this cruel, and my dad just trys to help me by printing out imfo about any questions i have, my dad has found out he has two tumours and is going in hospital in january, i really dont want to cause him any pain but i have stopped going to the meetings which hurts cause im ruining my months of trying for reinstatement,

    im sorry to go on AGAIN but ive just come off the phone and after making all my stands to my dad my mum just told me how the only thing i can do is go to all the meetings its 'the ONLY way to return to jehovah' why do they not listen to what i say?

    why if i say thats it, the bf is living with me would i have to lose them (and they veiw it as achoice between him and them!)

    why do i bascally have two choices 1 to be with the bf and destroy them and have all contact cut off when my dads ill? and 2 go to all the meetings lose the bf but have the love of my family again


    (sorry guys i just needed to let off steam!)

  • LDH

    The last I checked, the US is not India and we do not have arranged marriages.

    Do you think your family has the right to tell you who to love or how to love?

    Even more specifically, if you choose this guy and he STILL turns out not be the right one, don't you want the right to find this out for yourself?

    Your family only cares about appearances, and the beast that is the Borg.

    30 is too old to give a shit what someone else says, girl. Buck up. You can do this, lots of us have.


    Been there done that Class

  • ballistic


    all I can say is life is full of difficult choices and sometimes there is no easy option, but don't forget your parents are making choices too.

    Something else... in all your posts, you question whether you have "wasted" months trying to get re-instated since you have now decided to stay out - But have you noticed most people here find it hard to live with the years they wasted while "in"??? (the other way round) Just some food for thought for you.

  • TopHat

    They will not listen to you just as my JW son will not listen to me....They are "Parrots of a mind control cult" They only know what to repeat from the WTS and no more. They do NOT think for themsleves.

  • Cordelia

    lisa you are right i am 30 and should grow up!

    ballistic thanks so much for posting that, it is a good way to think of things,

    tophat im sorry for your situation, but why cant they see that the hurt it causes them (as well as us) can not be right??

  • Cordelia

    meant to ask tophat why do you thinkit is that jws cant think for themselves when they are hurting to!

  • Pistoff

    You probably already know this, but YOU can take control of this relationship.

    They know only the one way: shunning. You can let them know you love them, but will live your own life the way you feel you must. Don't waffle.

    If they know that you will not budge, they might cave in. Then again, they might not. Either wa, you must be strong.

    Stay here; find other ex jw's, join support groups for people leaving cults.


  • mrsjones5

    I agree with LDH, you need to buck up honey.

    I was never baptised as a jw but my parents hated my husband before and after we got married. And getting married only made it worst. And I did the same thing you are doing. I tried to placate my parents, which almost ruined my marriage. When I decided to stand for my marriage, the harassment got worst. My mother would call me every day at my job and tell me how no good she thought my husband was. Every evil thing my mother could think to say she would say. If I didnt answer my phone at work she would leave a message. I wrote down one of the best ones. When I got pregnant there were no screams of joy but looks of disappointment. My mother even told me she hoped the baby wouldn't look like my husband.

    I could write a book about how badly my parents treated us but it only got better (a little) when I finally got a backbone, grew up, and put up some boundaries.


  • tijkmo
    lisa you are right i am 30 and should grow up!

    no she is not right.thats like telling someone who is depressed to get over it...plenty of people older than you inc myself have had to struggle with all of these feelings and bewilderment...i would have long conversations with my folks about stuff and they would listen and agree and i would think i had got somewhere only for them to resort back to the same line of 'un'reasoning...so i just stopped trying..and now they accept it...they dont like it..never will but its not worth it...

    no point in trying to appease the unappeasable

    no point in trying to console the unconsolable

    no point in trying to reason with..the unreasonable

    no point in trying to approach the unapproachable

    who will not forgive the unforgivable

    (guess who wrote that)

  • mrsjones5
    so i just stopped trying..and now they accept it

    sounds like you grew up to me

    Growing up - i.e. maturity is acknowledging that the only person you can change is yourself, letting go, and being able to stop trying.

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