Check out this letter

unbeliever

This is a letter written to an xjw by her JW mother. She told me I could post it. I thought my mother wrote tear jerkers.

I have been thinking so much about you. It has been very painful not having you in our lives anymore. This is not a plea for you to come back to Jehovah. I know you no longer believe so unless that changes I no longer have hope of you coming back. There are some issues that I wanted to clear up. You seem to think that it?s easy for us not to have a relationship with you. We think about you morning, noon, and night. You don?t realize how much we want to have you in our lives. But it always comes back to that you chose to dedicate your life to Jehovah and you broke that promise. Not only did you break that promise but also you are not repentant. I know you say that you got baptized too young and consider it null and void but that topic has been rehashed enough. I don?t think we will ever agree on that. You have told anyone that will listen how we don?t have a relationship with you because you chose to leave a religion. You make it sound so simple. Your statements have made an impact on our worldly relatives. Some have now taken the steps to no longer communicate with us and call us bad Christians. I don?t know if that was your intention but that is the result. They won?t even listen to our side so we can tell them the whole story. I don?t think you have heard our side or even thought of the pain that you have caused us so I am going to tell you.
When I first noticed you falling away from the truth it was a very painful sight to watch. It started with missing meetings because of your new job. You distanced yourself away from the friends. We would try and help you spiritually and you would act resentful. We tried so hard to help you and were rejected by you time and time again.
Then you started dating a worldly man. You were so hostile to us when we confronted you. Then threatening the elders with a lawsuit for invasion of privacy. We thought you had lost your mind.
You gave no consideration for our feelings. You would not even acknowledge our concerns. You were too busy building a worldly life for yourself to care about the family that has been there for you your whole life up until that point. You told us nothing and would get mad when we would ask you questions about what you were up too. You acted like it was the end of the world when we would ask you to come to Kingdom Hall.
You don?t know how many times your father and I cried because we could not help you. I think it was very selfish on your part not to be up front with us and tell us that you did not want to be a witness anymore. Instead you make us wonder for more than 2 years. Yes I have major resentments over that. I know you said that we would not have left you in peace and we would not have respected your decision but I don?t think that would have been the case. I guess it does not matter now.
When I saw you for the first time with your boyfriend I could tell right away that you had fallen in love with him. I also knew that you were fornicating with him. There was something different about the way you carried yourself that I could just tell. You had become a woman without being married. I finally accepted the fact that it would only be a matter of time when you would be disfellowshipped.
I remember you telling us that you did not want to discuss religion and that we could talk about anything but that. You told us this in our own home. You know that our life revolves around Jehovah and his organization. So to cut to the chase you told us that if we wanted to be in your company we could not discuss Jehovah with you or ask you questions about your worldly life. Do you know how much you were asking of us when you demanded that? Again you were only thinking of yourself.
I remember when the elders asked you if you were fornicating you lied about it. You flat out lied, looked in their eyes and lied without a second thought. I knew you were lying but I kept my thoughts to myself. I think I might have died if you threatened me with a lawsuit for slander. To see you so hostile I did not know what you were capable of.
Then that inevitable day came that we find out you were pregnant and then you getting disfellowshipped. You were as defiant as ever.
I am very grateful that you allow us contact with your daughter but you have those conditions attached. Again you ask us not to share our beliefs with our grandchild.
You have caused us more pain than anyone else ever. Don?t think that you are the only one in pain. There is plenty to go around. I hope you think about this letter and realize that you played a major role in all of this and the fallout. Think about it.

Elsewhere

Your statements have made an impact on our worldly relatives. Some have now taken the steps to no longer communicate with us and call us bad Christians. I don?t know if that was your intention but that is the result. They won?t even listen to our side so we can tell them the whole story. I don?t think you have heard our side or even thought of the pain that you have caused us so I am going to tell you.

Ain't carma a bitch!

Funny how a JW responds with "that isn't fair" when they are the one being shunned.

Billygoat

Oh gawd.

When I saw you for the first time with your boyfriend I could tell right away that you had fallen in love with him. I also knew that you were fornicating with him. There was something different about the way you carried yourself that I could just tell. You had become a woman without being married.

Because you absolutely cannot become a woman without being married or without having sex. Their view of what makes an adult is such Neanderthal BS.

I feel like vomitting.

Andi

aww mom. she just wants a relationship with her parents that dont revolve around a religion., normal relationship, where people make mistakes and are still loved. Yes hurt goes both ways but what is being unyielding getting you?

a sad letter.. a sad situation.. hugs to your friend.

steve2

The mother is actually a very good, well-trained JW: The use of emotional blackmail is absolutely rife throughout the letter. The whole message is designed to curtail her daughter's own sense of self and live her life just to keep those around her happy. The mother assumes absolutely no responsibility for how she herself may have contributed to the situation.

Imagine if the letter were the same in every respect, except it was a different religious denomination. Suddeny, even this JW mother would be able to "see" the heavy emotional blackmail content of the letter. You can imagine the advice: "Don't stick to a religion just because you were raised in it.

This letter provides proof for me of how stunningly manipulative and caught up in FOG (Fear, Obligation and Guilt) the typical JW is. Compliance and appearances are eveything.

AlmostAtheist

Elsewhere,

That was what stood out to me, too. You keep thinking, "How can JW's be so blind, and yet see their side so clearly?" The pain you have caused us, she says, over and over. My guess is some nasty words were exchanged. The ex-JW probably looks back and wishes she hadn't said certain things or said them in a certain way. (Who doesn't do this?) But once you consider the JW's to be a bunch of baloney, what seems more important? Lying to the "elders", that don't mean a hill of beans to you, or telling them the truth and having them order your parents to stop talking to you?

But JW's just don't "get" that.

They have a side, they really do. To them, we're choosing death over life. And it's much worse than the door-to-door people slamming the door, since we "know it's the truth" and we still reject it. So yeah, it hurts them. Their babies are choosing to die forever. That hurts.

But it's striking that we can see their side, and they can't see ours. At all. Completely blinded.

(Yet they can still send the occassional mail, against Watchtower regulations. Ironic.)

Dave

StinkyPantz

I found this letter totally disgusting. I give props to the daughter. She shouldn't discuss religion with them; she has the right to inform her relatives of the situation, and I'm very glad to read that she puts restrictions on what they tell her daughter.

The worst thing about the letter was the overwhelming selfishness contained within. "What you did", "what you've done", "we tried so hard", etc.

Give me a break

Effervescent

Wow... this is just so typical of Witness parents. It always amazed me the amount of guilt they are able to heap on their children. Was there a secret TMS that I didnt know about for this??? It frustrates me to see the theme of "you're just a child and not capable of making your own decisions". I love how she through in there that she thought her daughter had "lost her mind"... uh NO Mom... she grew one.

I might not necessarily agree with the dialog thats going on with the other non-believing family, there by forcing them to take sides (but then I dont know the whole story), but this mother has to understand that by her actions shes thrown down the gauntlet in family relations, adopting an "All or nothing" attitude. I see this going on in my family alot, and it makes me want to vomit.

I wish the best of LUCK to this woman. Been there done that, and it's not pretty. There are more people out there than she probably realizes who will love her for who she really is.

Dragonlady76

So you can't become a woman without marriage? Does sex make you into a woman? I always though it was my vagina, hormones and breasts that made me a woman. The fact is if she had told her family up front they would have made her life a living hell! and she would have never heard the end of it, but of course mom is going to say she would have accepted this-Not!

I wouldn't doubt an elder wrote this letter. Or at least helped write it. I can't stand how JW's have to use religion 24/7 non stop in their lives and expect veryone to deal with it, that's not normal, and all this girl wants is a normal relationship with her family that does not involve the invocation of Jehovahs name constantly. My parents do this too, one day I got into it really bad with my dad cause he wouldn't stop preaching to my hubby about the apostals, what's the big deal you wonder? My hubby is freakin Jewish and they know this, besides he doesn't have a clue about who the apostals are anyway!

Dragonlady76

closer2fine

I received a similar letter, along with the guilt conversations that have been going on for 13+ years. They actually had the nerve to blame me for our "worldly" family being upset with them for not attending our wedding.

closer