Newbies! Everything you wanted to know but were afraid to ask

by jgnat 226 Replies latest members private

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  Sassy

  I haven't yet read any of the literature (which would have been called apostate literature in JW terms) yet. I'm not sure if part of me is still afraid because of all the counsel that we received while being a JW that it was like going into this unknown scary dangerous places where unmentionable tactics would be used to 'brainwash' you and twist your mind into believing it isn't the truth. Like once you step there, it is like quicksand and you can't get out, eventually pulling you to your 'death'... I have no doubts about my feelings and choices of stopping, but I keep thinking I need to find out for myself what I believe. As if literature that is anti jw will also lead me in a direction as well. I know this doesn't make sense, but from feeling like I was brainwashed into thinking one direction for so long, I think I am afraid of being pulled in a opposite direction by someone else. Like I need to use my brain on my own for the first time. And yet then I think, this is crazy, how in the world am I going to figure it all out 'in my head' if I don't do the research. I feel right now like I am on unstable ground not sure where to go. I don't want to go back, but not sure how to go forward and who to trust. I can't even pray any more even though I do still believe in God. I feel like I am in limbo and space and not sure where to turn and not have the floor fall out from under me.

  Did anyone else feel that way? Is there something wrong with me?
• 

  Garnet

  sns,

  Hi! I feel the same way. I was born and raised Catholic, then at 19 became a JW, at 24 I am now trying to figure what the hell I believe. I still belive in God, still love God and am very confused on "which group to belong to" I am starting to come to a slow realization that worshiping God is within myself. I don't need a priest, or minister or whomever to communicate for me, I can do it myself. I was never very "smart" when it came to the "deeper" things in the bible, I just remember the basics. Actually, my Nana, always taught me that if you Love God and you treat others how you want to be treated, then you were a good person. I am starting to go back to those basics and just taking life day by day. I also have a hard time praying, but every once in a while, I give it a shot. If you ever want to chat, feel free to pm me :)

  Take care

  Garnet
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  wednesday

  sns,

  a year ago I was much the same way. I read all the personal stories and the abuse stories and shunning stories, but i really shyed away from the doctrine posts. It has taken a year to feel comfortable enough to get into that. One thing i realized, i had stopped reading the WTS literature several years before i quit. So i had no real interest in doctrine, except for afterlife. But i finally started reading materal on Freeminds, and found i really enjoyed it. I am just working my way into it slowly. I have often prayed for God to direct me, and everytime i do, i remember how awful the jws were to me. So i take that as a Positive sign not to go back. Don't try to read everything, just pick a few things and get started. I started with the abuse issues and it has lead me into other areas.

  weds
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  Sassy

  Thank you. It helps to hear that this phase I am feeling is normal. I boxed up all my JW literature and put it away in storage, not sure why I saved it, but I didn't want it around either. I am just confused about everything, but perhaps with time I will feel able to slowly start taking some thing in. Inside I guess I realize maybe I need to read the information that only confirms my reasons for doubting this religion. I just don't know where to find my way to fill the void of spiritual direction as well as find a way to feel that w/o a spiritual direction in my life, that I can still pray to God and be heard.
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  jgnat

  When my mom was newly diagnosed manic-depressive, she helpfully sent me articles to help me understand the disease. I hated those articles. I was still grieving the loss of my old mom, and I wanted to learn in my own time and in my own way.

  Hey, investigate what you want, when you want. If you need light, start with Frannie Banannie.
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  wednesday

  sns,

  I am not getting rid of my WTS materal, it makes good references. I have however, thrown out all but one copy of each thing. I dont read them, however. My personal recommendation is to go the section called"links" and click on freeminds. In there u will find some esays by gary busslemen. I find him clear and easy to read. And he's quite personable. I still have not read all of crisis of conscience. it is just too hard reading for me. Really, i don't care a flip if they had all the doctrines right, They are so unloving and unkind, there is no way jehovah would use them. U might be surprised if u try praying. I just still call him jehovah, and am gradually just saying "God". I just talk about how i feel and my confusion and ask for direction. As i said before, everytime i have done that, i will within a few minutes i recall the abuse i received as a jws. I take that as a positive answer to Not Go There.This is a big step. Some people make it quickly, others need time to slowly process things. I needed time. I still need time. I have spent a lifetime in the org. and i guess it will take a while for it to leave.

  weds
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  jst2laws

  Jgnat,

  I don't know how I missed this thread a month ago. Excellent work. We need to bump this up regular.

  Sns,

  You are difinitely normal, and you will keep growing and changing until you are comfortable. You will settle into some sort of belief system or non-belief system depending on your attitude, but the hardest to get accustomed to is the lack of certainty. The certainty we had in the WT was what JT calls the fifty-third week time share. When it comes to our spirituality I'm convinced there IS NO CERTAINTY. Just belief. But that's better then buying into a fraud. Isn't it?

  Steve
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  logansrun

  We have some great thinkers and researchers here. They include (but are not exclusive to) AlanF, Blondie, Alleymom, Onacruse. Some of our athiest/agnostic debaters keep me on my toes; Gumby, SYN, logansrun and Stinky Pantz

  Woah! I didn't realize I was in this thread!

  Bradley
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  SheilaM

  Jgnat: This is a great threadI'm not sure how I missed it.
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  willyloman

  I boxed up all my JW literature and put it away in storage, not sure why I saved it, but I didn't want it around either.

  syns: some time back I was out in service and a very sweet woman interupted our presentation and asked if we were JWs. We said we were and she said she was getting dressed but asked if we would come back in 45 minutes as she had something she wanted us to have. We finished the territory and came back. On the walk in front of her door was a large cardboard box with a note attached. The note said, "You can have these, I don't need them anymore." The box was full of WT literature, all hard bound stuff, couple of bibles, older books. We knocked several times, no answer. We took the box to the KH library and left it in a corner there. Looking thru some of the books, they had names/inscriptions and dates written inside. For months after that, I went back to that house hoping to find her home. I really just wanted to know why she gave the books back when the inscriptions I read indicated she had been "in the truth" for many, many years. She was never home. Perhaps she moved. Boy, would I like to talk with her now.