An epiphany, and prelude to other thoughts

onacruse

Well, this is being a remarkable couple of weeks for me; one of those moments I'll remember for the rest of my life. Not to be melodramatic, but I think "epiphany" best describes what I'm experiencing.

A little history: I was born and raised a JW, Bethel-bound at 8, baptized at 10. Always a book-worm, liked to study math, science, and old WTS publications (what a combo LOL). When I wasn't vacation pioneering (as it was called then), I spent my summers in my room, frequently reading for 16 hours at a stretch. Mom would tell me "Good Lord, Craig, go outside and blow off the stink!" (Good old Mom )

Did real good in high school, and had a golden opportunity to pursue a career in theoretical physics. But, I was Bethel-bound, and besides, Armageddon was right around the corner (1975). So, no college, just Bethel.

<fast forward> In the early 90s I had a hand injury that made a mid-life career change necessary, including college (engineering). I'd been DFd 10 years before (for apostasy, reinstated a bit later), and I was still struggling to be a good JW. So, I dreaded the thought of having to take those "worldly" courses in sociology and philosophy. Boy, were my eyes opened! So many incredibly new ideas. I've been reading in those areas ever since, especially philosophy.

But, it was all essentially just sterile information; lots of facts and knowledge, but no personal meaning, no application. A noggin full of rocks, rocks that could be gold nuggets someday, but not that day.

<fast forward again> I end up here, in this forum. Lots of good good things happen for me. With your help, I finally throw off that backpack of JW guilt (still working on the strap-bruises, tho ). I meet Katie . I'm merrily posting away, eating up bandwidth LOL (makes note to self: do another PayPal ).

And then along comes min's thread If Your JW Relative Needed Blood, Would You Force It On Them? http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/6/51641/1.ashx I don't know why, or how, but that topic just evoked feelings and thoughts in me, such a rush that I couldn't "process" it. I couldn't type fast enough, and I couldn't formulate my thoughts clearly enough, I was in such a flux. It's been like having an Erector Set, and only just now, after all these years, figuring out how all those little parts and pieces fit together (for me). Gamaliel rightly suggested that I was onacrus-ade LOL Thank you, each and every one, who participated in that discussion. You deserve to know what an impact your sharing had on me.

Well, that's enough for now. Perhaps what I've said so far has value in its own right: there is a bright and happy light at the end of that JW tunnel. And the path beyond is also full of promise.

With your indulgence, I'll continue on later a with some of the thoughts that have congealed for me in the last few days.

Craig

Makena1

Well said - you definitely have a knack for writing.

Each of us that ended up on this forum had something or someone that helped give birth to that defining moment. These kind of posts are my favorite - personal experiences, an epiphany as you said that help reaffirm that we made the correct decision to begin thinking for ourselves.

Looking forward to your next installment!

all best,

Makena

Farkel

Craig,

: Not to be melodramatic, but I think "epiphany" best describes what I'm experiencing.

For me "epiphany" means a good dump, but then, I'm a simple guy.

: I spent my summers in my room, frequently reading for 16 hours at a stretch. Mom would tell me "Good Lord, Craig, go outside and blow off the stink!"

If you were anything like me at that age, you whacked about five times per day. You should have cleaned up the mess each time you did that. Mom wouldn't have any evidence, then.

: Did real good in high school, and had a golden opportunity to pursue a career in theoretical physics.

Thank God you didn't pursue being an English major! :)

: Well, that's enough for now. Perhaps what I've said so far has value in its own right: there is a bright and happy light at the end of that JW tunnel. And the path beyond is also full of promise.

Bullshit, Craig! Life sucks, and then we die! Get used to it. Everything between now and death is ice cream so enjoy it! You and I will both be worm fodder in only a few decades or less. Then and only then the adventure begins (if there is one!)

: With your indulgence, I'll continue on later a with some of the thoughts that have congealed for me in the last few days.

Please do. Did you get and read those books I recommended? If you didn't, you're a bad, bad, boy my bud!

Farkel

onacruse

Makena:

These kind of posts are my favorite - personal experiences

Mine too. I can research thousands of books, and review hundreds of commentaries, and get as cerebral as the best of "them," but there's just nothing like personal experiences. They strike a chord in our souls, don't they? Beyond words, really.

Farkel-butthead :

Did you get and read those books I recommended? If you didn't, you're a bad, bad, boy my bud!

As a matter-of-fact, I'm working on one of 'em right now Initiation plays right into the same "experience" for which Kant reached, and along the lines that Introspection keeps kindly reminding us. Frankly, I'm "nervous" about metaphysical revelation...No, actually, I'm just plain scared to think that life may just be that simple, and personal.

Then and only then the adventure begins (if there is one!)

Do I detect a faint glimmer of hope that you, the indefatigable skeptic, may even yet be holding out for the slightest possibility that there is life after death?

As for my masturbatorily practices, all I'll say is: I never did that! LOLOLOL

Craig

DJ

Hi Craig,

Last week I found myself in a situation somewhat similar to that "blood" thread. It wasn't life threatening like the blood issue. ( I faced that for real w/ my husband 7 yrs. ago, he has 23 red cell transfusions after an accident) Anyway.....my mom was in the hospital last week and my dad had brain cancer and needs 24 hr. care. I have 4 siblings who are jw's. We took turns taking care of my dad and visiting my mom. My sister wanted "equal sacrifices from all siblings". Well, I have small children and couldn't sleep over my dad's house. I offered to bring him home with me for my mom's whole hospital stay but my jw sister stuck to her "equal sacrifice" motto. When I visited my mom in the hospital, she asked me to take my dad home when she came home from the hospital, because she wanted to rest. I told her ok and we were expected her release in a day or two. It turned out that my mom wasn't discharged until 6 days later. I promised my kids that I would come and see their school play (they were both in it) but my mom was discharged on the day of the show. It was also my daughter's birthday the next day. My mom knew this but still wanted me to take my dad to my house. I told her that I would have my husband videotape the show (a Christian school) so that I could stay home with my dad. I also told her that we would hold off on my daughter's birthday dinner.. Here is the clincher>>>>>> My mom told me that I should bring my dad to the show and have the birthday party the next day in front of him! huh? I told her that I would not disrespect his beliefs even if I don't share them. She told me "He has brain cancer and won't remember anyway." I thought that I heard wrong but I didn't. I hung up and told her that I would call her later. I called my husband at work who was just as shocked. My dad does have brain cancer but he is still a jw and he remembers plenty! I got very emotional about my mom's lack of ???? for my dad and I told her to call a jw sibling to take my dad if she needed to get away from him that bad. Well.....that turned into, my jw siblings calling me and saying that I dishonored my dad because I put my child's birthday party before him....pagan. Even my 12 yr. old daughter knew that i wasn't going to have her party while he was here. She said "Yea, mama...I wouldn't want to stumble Grandpop" Will someone please explain to me wtf just happened?????

onacruse

((DJ))

I've been accused many times, and rightly so, of being dense-as-a-fence-post. I read your post 3 times, and still can't figure out what you're saying. Would you care to elaborate?

Craig

Big Tex

Craig I don't mean to hijack your thread, but I'd like to butt in.

DJ, it sounds like you were being set up. I find it very odd that your mother wanted you to have a birthday celebration whilst your father was in the house. I don't know much about brain cancer, but I would imagine his mental capacity is still fairly high functioning, enough so that he would understand what is happening. Consider that if you did this, it would give her (or your JW siblings) the premise to attack you for "disrespecting" your father's beliefs.

The fact that your sibling already called you on the carpet for this birthday really does make me think that there was something going on here, and it was not in your best interests. I'm going to guess that you bend over backwards to show as much respect for them as you can. I say that because you put your own daughter's birthday off until your father was taken care of.

It could be that your mother and sibling were looking for an excuse to criticize you, as well as feel morally superior. That smacks of someone whose conscience is pricking them. Why? I don't know, but it could be because they see you acting better than they have. Is that a fair statement?

Families are wonderful things aren't they?

onacruse

((BT)) Hijack away! That's what this is all about...personal experiences, and people helping people.

Thanks!

DJ, go for it!

Craig

Big Tex

Actually Craig, I like your post better. I've never had an epiphany before. I'm envious.

onacruse

BT:

I've never had an epiphany before.

hehe...that simply means you've never filled your head with as many marbles as I've filled mine! In fact, I was thinking of titling this thread "My Folly-sophy." Heck, after all, whatever I feel about it, it's really nothing more than some personal thoughts that have arrived in my own little brain-pan, weighed out on a scale and worth hardly 2 cents.

Craig

An epiphany, and prelude to other thoughts

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