Well, in my case anyway. For those of you that may recall my posts about my family and that after I left the WTS, how I wrote long (and painful) letters to my nonJW children among others. I had tried to explain why I had shunned them and how very sorry I WAS, and for all the mistakes I had made throughout their childhoods as a JW mother.
For the most part, these letters got met with indifference and a few snotty remarks that got to me through the grapevine and I had resigned myself to things the way they were. I had truly done what I could. My oldest son lives five minutes away, is married and has three children. I had written to him (second time)on his birthday three years ago, with the same (no) results.
Last night hubby and I went to our other son's home to bring a little something for his birthday. My oldest son came in shortly after we got there. My first thought was to RUN (hard to do with a cane :o) but I stayed right there with a smile on my face and tried to keep my heart from beating clear out of my chest!
BIG SMILE!!! When he saw us sitting there, and he looked thrilled and headed for me (I was the one he had the "beef" with) and it went uphill from there! We talked and talked, the four of us, and I asked if he had ever read my second letter, he said he had...and was unimpressed by it. (understandable) But he asked if I would sit there and be quiet (said it nicely) and hear him out.
He went through times and dates and places from when he was a child and had wanted to get baptized (for me) and had always strived to get good grades, be a good brother to his younger siblings, etc (true) and yet after all was said and done ....HE was the one who sat on the "outside", and *I* wasn't having anything to DO with him unless he came back to the "troof".
He was an easy baby, and a well-behaved child, but when he got to his teens, things changed. He got a bit belligerent (as all teens do) and left the WTS to pursue "other interests". (The rest of us had moved out of state because of hubby's job with the DOE) Eventually the elders caught up with him and after many tries, convinced him to sign a paper stating that he didn't want to be a JW any more. (The rest of us were just in the midst of relocating back to upstate NY at this point, he had stayed on to go to college at SUNY Oswego, so I didn't know any of this about the elders hounding him or pushing him to sign anything).
On the heels of this (April '81) after we came back here, that damn '81WT came out (July? '81) about shunning, and that's when all our lives changed for the worse. What took place last night was exhausting, but sorely needed, and I allowed him every opportunity to say whatever he needed to say and search what was in his heart. I owed him that much. Hubby was being the protector, sitting there on pins and needles, waiting to see how far the conversation would "go" and trying to make sure I wasn't hurt any more than I have already been.
I was ready to face a verbal pounding, but my son was angery but controlled, and it was cool. After several hours of discussion, anger, tears, a(ALL of us were crying a one point from the sheer emotion of unspoken hearts and feelings for 24 years), frustration and anxiety and he asked one thing of me before he could allow me back into his life, his future and his home.
It was that I would promise with all that was IN me, to never disown him again. He said he had a close-knit family, and he couldn't let me get close to them and then leave them in the lurch, cutting them all off and deeply hurting them for ANY reason. He couldn't deal with that---ever again. I did my best to assure him of that, that I had punished myself more than he could ever think of doing, and that I wasn't the same person he knew all those years ago. I think he'd be pleasantly surprised at the person I had become, far different from the judgemental and anal JW that he remembered as his Mom.
We hugged and hugged and cried some and hugged some more. But---the WATCHTOWER does not control this part of the family ANY MORE!! We have agreed to put the past where it belongs, and make a fresh, new start. He said we have an open invitation for Christmas, birthdays, Thanksgiving, Halloween, and any other "day" that we want to come over and hang out! He will be talking to his kids, (and his wife---which is another story for another whole thread LOL) explaining that we have resolved our differences and are going forward with our lives---as one family.
I am still pinching myself as I have had numerous dreams about this happening, and then woken up to the realization that it was just a dream. I'm not naive enough to think that there won't be any bumps along this new road, because I still have others to deal with and their 24 years of bad feelings. But it IS all looking up, the clouds have finally parted, and the future looks VERY promising.
NOW..........I put all this down so that all of you that are hurting and are doing your best to deal with family shunning------please keep this post in mind. IT CAN HAPPEN! The love of family CAN win out! God hates these horrible divisions and the hatred being caused by the WTS and other cults that DO this kind of thing!
I never thought this day would come. I stopped praying for this family to be brought together, especially this particular corner of it, who had always been especially close. I stopped giving it so much thought, attention and energy, and look what happened! I've seen the saying from AA or somewhere online to "let go and let God", and I did just that (although it wasn't a conscious decision as such) but it HAD to be left in His hands. WE couldn't sort it all out ourselves.
I just had to share this---not just to tell you about last night" but to offer a sort of comfort. If nothing else, please see this as a real HOPE that experiences like this DO happen!!! Keep it tucked away in a corner of your hearts and nurture it. When YOU have done everything possible to "right the wrongs" we did as JWs, then let it rest. What more can you do than your best.
love and hugs to all here on JWD,
Annie