Hello All,
I have recently joined the site. This is my first post.
I am a multi-generation "born-in". I was just appointed an elder this summer. I started discovering the TTATT (the truth about the truth) last year after putting a few things together myself concerning the leadership and then doing some research online.
I really enjoyed JWfacts.com, JWsurvey, and others. I have recently read the entire JWfacts site. I hesitated to read CoC because it was basically considered the "Devil's Book" growing up. That stuff is hard to shake, but interestingly I found it quite easy to read once I got past the initial mental block.
I had no idea it was available online for free as a simple pdf. For those that don't know, just google "Crisis of Conscience PDF" and it comes up first listing!
I was struggling with how to buy it and smuggle it in yada yada (my wife and employer are witnesses), but it was completely a waist of time worrying. Anyone with an internet connection can read it anytime!
So I read it this past week and I must say it was an incrediblely eye-opening experience. I was shocked at the point-blank honest rendering of Ray's experience as a long time witness, full-time servant, and Governing Body member. It was written I feel with love and humility (something hard to find in the organization). I also feel like it was written by someone who truly knew what he was talking about. He took the lead in writing the AID BOOK for crying out loud! It also isn't just a "bash the organization" book. He sincerely loved Jehovah and Jesus and considered the organization's stance and direction to be moving away from the real point of Christianity. That point being simplified worship based on love of God and neighbor and not on an antiquated, over-complex, over-authoritarian religious organization.
I have to say that the whole experience of learning TTATT has been wild. Lots of "No Way!" and "OMG!". There is also definitely that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that you have been conned and in a way you have never been conned before. Lots of emotions.
The biggest surprise I have had though has been the relief. I seriously feel that a huge weight has been lifted off of me. The curtain has been pulled back on Oz. The GB is not in a position to judge! Although I am still in the process of sorting through all of this, and no doubt will continue to for some time, I feel a large amount of guilt lifted off of my shoulders. My entire life I have basically felt like the GB was perfect and I was never good enough.
It has been a true spiritual experience and I look forward to where it leads me. The timing of all of this is crazy as well. I was appointed as an elder right when I am starting to doubt things more than any time in my life, right when all this "new light" is coming out, and right before this historical Annual Meeting.
I don't know how much longer my witness experience will last, but at least I will have a bird's eye view of what's going on for now. I will also be in a position to share what I see and learn.
Thanks for reading my post.