I remember I was pretty much accidently faded for six months, but still believed. I wanted to get matters straight with God and not be destroyed at the Big A...so I started attending meetings. Then I come forward to the elders about a matter and confessed, a which led to a judicial committee, and me being DFed, and in complete isolation.
I was angry, I was scared, I contemplated taking my own life at times. The judicial committee (and "appeal" process), allowed me to peer into the heart of the organization for the first time with seeing eyes. After that, I didn't much believe in the religion anymore or much of anything. Nor could I overcome the anxiety to start attending meetings again so as to get reinstated.
Even so...I was pretty indoctrinated. I was afraid to come online and look for answers. I didn't trust any "apostate" website. I assumed it would be "lies, half-truths, and misrepresentations" by angry, bitter people who had "nothing better to offer".
I went on like this for six months. And then my exwife, in an effort to get me going back to meetings to get reinstated, brought over the October 2011 Watchtower, with the 607 article. And I began to factcheck it. Eventually that led here and places like JWFACTS. It took me three more months before I realized that everything on JWFACTS was 100% truthful.
I remember going to my first exJW meetup. I was afraid that they would want to go in front of the Kingdom Hall on protest or something. But it turned out to be a quiet, discreet dinner. So it took me time to understand my conceptions of former JWs had been painted by Watchtower, not reality.
