New greatly appreciated

by Confusedandangry 42 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Confusedandangry

    Hi everyone I don't even know where to begin. I recently saw Leah Remini's series on Scientology thanks to my husband (semi-active Jw) and I felt like my eyes were being opened for the 1st time in my adult life. I felt shaken almost sick to my stomach with each episode I watched. A bit about me: grew up a witness (age 5) elder dad, mom pioneer. I even pioneered a couple of yrs after high school. But I became inactive about 13 years ago. For the past few years (after marriage) I was trying to 'come back' but I always felt something was wrong. I didn't care for the mind mind numbing talks & mysoginistic views. I did some more digging & learned about the Australian child abuse cases along with so many other cases here in America, Canada, U.K, and so on. I am just blown away at how much I've learned these past few weeks. I want to tell (yell at top of my lungs) my husband, parents, close Jw friends what I've learned but I know how they will react. For those of you who grew up in the 90's or late 80's, you'll know that reading anything other than Jw info is 'so wrong' and you will be shunned as an apostate.

    I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I honestly have no one I can talk to at the moment about this. I feel like I've lost 25-30 yrs of my life. Some days I feel like my head is going to explode from everything I've learned on this website among other helpful articles online. I really would appreciate any advice or feedback from anyone that went through or is going through this. My world has been turned upside down and I feel so lost. I have so many questions.


  • schnell

    Welcome, @Confusedandangry. I'm faded now, but fairly recently. Unlike most here, I have not seen this Scientology series. It's good to see people wake up, if only after seeing another example of a cult. And man what an epiphany, to realize you grew up in a cult.

  • nicolaou

    Firstly, welcome to the forum D. I'm shooting out the door to get to work now but just wanted to say that you are not alone in this, we do understand.

    As for questions, fire away!

  • Confusedandangry

    Thank you @schnell. I guess I have also been fading on & offfor the past 10 years without realizing it. It's definitely life changing realizing you've been lied to your entire life.

  • no-zombie

    Hi Confusedandangry,

    Don't worry too much about going crazy. We'll all lost our brain in the beginning. Just take your time and ask what ever questions you want. Here to serve. :)


  • Confusedandangry

    Thank you @nicolaou. I still have so much research to do regarding so many topics like Armageddon, Heaven, the resurrection. Now I'm even doubting if I believe in the Bible, sounds crazy even saying it!

  • Dunedain

    Welcome. Its very brave, and courageous of you to take even this first step. It can be overwhelming, and depending on certain circumstances, like family still "IN", and how much your personal life is intertwined, it can be scary.

    Take things one step at a time. It took you many years to get to where you ae now, so don't worry about having to change everything quickly. Do, and keep things, on YOUR terms, always. Especially as you learn more, and gather more info. Do not show your "hand", unless you are positive you can without consequences.

    I can relate to all you are thinking, and perhaps going thru. I was a "born in", and was 15 years old in 1990. Sounds like we are around the same age, and in turn raised in the "truth" at around the same time of this Cult.

    I have been out since my early 20's, luckily, but I still only realized I was raised in a cult only about 3 years ago. Although, I have been away from the organization since the mid to late 90's, I still thought it was the "truth" until just a few years ago. I researched, I found out, I discovered, and it all unraveled. I couldn't believe all the lies we were told.

    I know I was told from a very young age, that "this generation" that was alive in 1914, would not pass away. Well, that "knowledge" has been flushed down the toilet. That was taught to us as being 100%, iron clad TRUTH from God. I remember being around 12 years old, and the Watchtower cover with those older, elderly, brothers and sisters on it, and the caption "they will not pas away". Well, guess what, EVERY one of those dear, elderly brothers and sisters are DEAD.

    Its hard to believe that our religion of our youth was all lies, but once that's discovered, you cant go back. Again, it takes courage to admit this. I promise, with this knowledge, DOES come power, and it does take time, but you will be better for knowing the REAL TRUTH.

    If you ever want to talk, just PM me, and again, welcome.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    "Ring the bells (ring the bells) that still can ring

    Forget your perfect offering

    There is a crack in everything (there is a crack in everything)

    That's how the light gets in"

    -- from Leonard Cohen "ANTHEM"

    Click here


    The odd feeling is called 'cognitive dissonance.' What you're experiencing are growing pains. You'll find friends here, and chances are that you'll be fine.

  • smiddy

    Welcome confused & angry believe me your story is not uncommon .To learn the TTATT (the truth about the truth ) can be very daunting for the first time. There are many people here who can give you support and encouragement as you go through this realization that you have been conned all these years like the rest of us.

    I know its hard to admit it but thats whats happened.

    You will be given many books by well meaning friends on here to look at that will help you to understand what you believed & how to cope and why the JW`s are just another American religion.

    And they are all good ,dont get me wrong.

    My suggestion is by an ex Elder Don Cameron "Captives Of A Concept" downloaded on Lulu for about 7$ its worth its weight in gold.

    I wish you all the best in your journey into freedom from religious captivity.

  • Nathan Natas
    Nathan Natas

    Smiddy is correct, "Captives Of A Concept" is an excellent book.

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