Why do you get upset about family shunning you?

by mr_doubtful 20 Replies latest watchtower bible

  • mr_doubtful

    I understand people love their family but I also don't understand why you end up caring in the end.

    I'm ready to leave and I 100% don't expecting my family to have any contact with me nor do I want them to contact me. If they are going to chose a man made religion over me, that's their choice and I will sleep easy at night.

    When they're all old, sick, in a nursing home I'll simply walk in, ask them if it was worth wasting their whole life shunning their family members instead of enjoying the little time you get with them. I'll then remind them that in actuality, we only get one shot at this life and that I hope they are happy with how they spent there's.

    Done, end of discussion, walk out.

    I refuse to shed one tear over people letting religion affect them that badly. Nor give them the satisfaction that the DF'ing is working and that I am longing for a chance to communicate with them.

  • AllTimeJeff

    I think this sounds good on paper, and up to a point, I agree in principle. If the goal is to be mentally healthy, then chasing after anyone, even family, who shuns you or is not healthy for you is a poor decision.

    I miss all my family. They don't talk to me. I miss my friends. I'd be less than human not to acknowledge the void and the scar.

    My commitment to me is simply to be mature and as healthy as I can be. So yes, I do get melancholy. No, I try very hard to not allow their idiotic decisions to affect me in my day to day life. It's pretty much something I've let go of. I am not angry anymore. It just is.

    I think it's a mistake to stay angry with anyone in my opinion. That just means they are influencing your life still, just in ways that you may not be aware of.

    When you think about it, getting angry feeds into the GB narrative of "apostates". Tell them instead that you are going to work to get healthy in all aspects of your life, that you love them, you miss them, and that if they ever want to have a relationship, you'll be here for them. That has more impact IMO then telling them to f*ck off.

  • Hairtrigger

    It depends how close one is to their family members. This cult can turn family members against each other no matter how close. The shunned still has the love for his family that they shared earlier. The ones shunning have a cultic plate placed over their feelings . Selfish feelings really. That they will be saved while the shunned family member will be destroyed for leaving their Hobo god. Also the fear of being disfellowshipped if caught hob nobbling with a disfellowshipped family member.

  • Life is to short 2
    Life is to short 2

    All time Jeff

    I am so glad you are back. I love the way you put things. What you just said is exactly how I feel. It just really makes me sad that the religion has such an impact on people that they would shut the door on their children, parent's, etc.

    All thoes lost year's of being together as a family will be gone never to be able to be replaced.

    It's just really sad. All we can do is live a good life and hopefully they will wake up before it's too late.


  • Londo111

    Not everyone is the same. In fact, most people actually love their family (and friends).

    When it actually goes down, and they don't have family and friends who are not JWs because of years of doing what the organization directed as far as "associations", the sudden isolation can be quite devastating.

    It has driven some to suicide.

    The pain is real and quite normal.

  • Sour Grapes
    Sour Grapes

    I thank God every day that my children were smarter than I was and never got baptized. I know and they know that no one is getting out of here alive.

  • DesirousOfChange

    I think it's natural to desire to be close with your family members. In fact, JWs really desire to have that, too, but the WTS/GB demonizes anyone who has contact with their DF family. (See the Reg Conv videos.) It not only "hurts" (emotionally) that they shun you, but I think it also is frustrating that they can't see TTATT once it is so obvious to us. We hate to see them on the JW hamster wheel wasting their lives, but they refuse to see it . . . . Doc

  • James Mixon
    James Mixon

    I don't give a crap about ex-JW friends shunning me, but when your children or you mom and dad shun you it hurts...I can deal with brother, sister, nephews and nieces no problem, but your child it's a different story......

  • Sorry

    The strange thing is while I do deeply love my family, I'm not particularly close to them. If I were to move out today (and still be in), I really wouldn't contact them often and visit them annually like my sister does. I honestly think that if I wasn't so dependent on them, the prospect of them shunning me would sting a lot less.

    However, I guess I'd just want the option of seeing them to be there. I'm only human. The thought of your own family, who are suppose to love you unconditionally, abandoning you for a shallow, unhealthy cult is a hard pull to swallow.

  • steve2

    It all depends on many variables. In some families, even when all were JWs there was conflict and/or detachment, in others, there was well expressed love and caring. Frankly, the state some JW families are in, being disfellowshipped simply brings to the surface resentment and negativity that was always there. Mr doubtful's advice might "work" in that kind of scenario.

    Also, some disfellowshipped ones cannot simply walk away - for example, there are minor children who need to be cared for.

    But I also acknowledge what mr_doubtful says: In some JW families, there was little love lost anyway and how fantastic to say, "Goodbye to you, too!".

    And yes, when one's parents who are now shunning are old and infirm? Who knows - may be even in old age they'll tell you to stay away - so you won't get the satisfaction of saying, "See! I told you!"

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