Welcome, thewalker!
I know from experience that posting to a forum like this is a brave step. If you haven't already, hopefully you are checking out JWfacts, a site I found to be 100% verifiable. If you can, I encourage you to read Crisis of Conscience.
The lack of love in the organization is unfortunately nothing new, nor confined to the rank and file, but reaches all the way into the upper echelons. From much contemplation, I believe whatever love I thought there was among 'the friends' was basically fool's gold in the first place.