Saddest thing about being DFd

by kairos 35 Replies latest jw friends

  • kairos

    I always enjoyed being kind. When someone genuinely needed a hand or what not, it felt good to help family or friends.

    I don't really miss them anymore. I faded over two years ago, so they long ago shunned me.
    I think about them less and less and have even forgotten some names.
    I DID enjoy some of the friendships and the association. I loved many of them over the last 25 years.

    I'm OK with that part.

    What troubles me is that, I would still help these folks if they needed me.
    They would rather suffer.

    Bitter, stubborn and sad.

    Stupid cult

  • kairos

    I started making new friends back in 2004, so I still can do nice things for people that matter.

  • punkofnice

    Kairos - I'm in a similar situation to you, although I am DA'd.

    I helped comfort a suicidal JW when no one else gave a flying fig. That JW was very surprised thinking I wouldn't care. It hasn't stopped them being a JW and neither has it made them stop and question the disgusting cult that they're in.

    We, my dear Kairos, can only admit that we have gained the moral higher ground.

    Ours is the future, not theirs. They are stuck in a vile corporation that will bleed them dry and spit them out without a care once bled.

  • Zoos

    You miss the brotherhood. Nothing wrong with that.

    While many on this board have very real horror stories about the people and elders they had to deal with, many of us actually enjoyed the people in our congregations and have nothing but fond memories in that regard.

    My own bad memories of only a few people could legitimately be chalked up to personality differences that we were adult enough to navigate peacefully (with the exception of one elder.... but that's a topic for another thread).

    I never felt particularly plugged in with the folks in my congregation. Not any meaningful, close friendships. Still, I felt the loss of brotherhood when I left. It's a sizable crater in your heart that will fill up with the passage of time and new friends.

  • Tornintwo

    I miss friends in the congregation because like many I have precious few friends outside, having discouraged such 'wordly associations' until now.

    I'm having coffee with a JW tomorrow. The difficulty is that as soon as you see them, they start asking all the awkward questions about why you aren't attending anymore etc etc, and I personally feel the pressure and despite myself, the guilt, so I don't enjoy it. It's all or nothing with them, either you're with them wholeheartedly or you're out.

  • TheWonderofYou
    Cheer up! We are only human. Tell them that you need time because you are so disappointed about what they did, but that you are missing your friends and........You are only human and need time to manage the whole matter, that you dont wanna talk about private things at all e.g. whether you doubt something or not, such things you would not like to talke about anyone, its your own busines, but thats clear you need find your spiritual strenght again, yourself, with prayer and bible reading and you like to talk with your friends.
  • brandnew
    Dude,.....your love was unconditional.......and for jw's thats just un heard of. Make new friends my friend.☺
  • rebelfighter


    I was never a JW nor anyone in my family, only introduced to the religion through an Elder but I care very deeply about 2 people and go out of my way for them. Actually the Elder lectured me about this on several occasions. For 62 years (ok, I am not one to wake up very quickly ) I continually came to the rescue of my mother (alcoholic and prescription drug abuse) and sister (prescription drug abuse ). I provided lots of financial and emotional support to both of them while taking massive amounts of physical and emotional abuse from them. Finally for my own health I moved 4 states away and cut off communication. My children have referred to them as extremely toxic.

    I have girlfriends who are closer to me the my mother or sister ever were.

  • ToesUp

    " It's all or nothing with them, either you're with them wholeheartedly or you're out."

    So glad to be OUT!

  • stuckinarut2

    Great topic!

    I was always the first to initiate helping everyone in the matter what the need.

    The very people I have helped in both small and HUGE ways are the ones that don't even know me anymore.

    I have helped some through really troubling patches of life, and these very same ones are out there spreading gossip and casting doubt over my very character.

    I will maintain my composure and dignity, knowing that they are just influenced by cult group think....

    My crime? All I have done is stop attending the meetings.

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