Posts by silent3

16

Honest assessment of my life

by silent3 in

my old account was silent and i had to create a new account which kind of bums me, but here i am.. over the years i've really experienced some rough times emotionally and spiritually which led me down many paths.

being angry most all of time with a few outbursts really started to make me take stock of what was wrong with me.

further i started really going back and trying to figure out where i went wrong.. so i revisted all my previous posts on here.

silent3

Hello everyone. My old account was silent and I had to create a new account which kind of bums me, but here I am.

Over the years I've really experienced some rough times emotionally and spiritually which led me down many paths. Being angry most all of time with a few outbursts really started to make me take stock of what was wrong with me. Further I started really going back and trying to figure out where I went wrong.

So I revisted all my previous posts on here. I think 7 topics and 97 replies were found and I went back and commented on every single one.

One thing that struck me is how negative most all of my posts were. I also had made some statements about the FDS which called them into question although I never said they weren't God's channel, I certainly was upset because my life was in shambles - going from a confident young man to a blubbering depressive shell makes you lash out and start looking to blame others for your plight. I had been on anti-depressants from 2002 to around 2009 as well and the muting effects of that medication once removed (without doctor's orders I might add) will make you say and do things you wouldn't if your mind was in the right place.

After much consideration involving a lot of prayer (every night for months) and personal reflection as well as a wonderful visit with my aging mother yesterday, I've been able to remove a few emotional blocks and dig deep into my being to where I can start to feel love - a feeling the likes of which I've haven't felt before.

So I'm going to go merrily back on my way on a spiritual journey with a more optimistic approach. I'm tired of carrying around old baggage and having it define me now. I want to be freed from my pessimism and actually experience positive emotions.

I never said anything negative about Jehovah and Christ Jesus the entire time I was on here because I believe them to be real and as kind and as loving as the Bible says they are. I've replied to all my posts where I was calling into question the FDS's policies and legitimacy. I've looked and found no other place in the world that consistently works as hard to produce spiritual information to help us be optimistic. I want the best for my wife and family and instead of rolling around in the mire of negativity always finding fault and taking a perpetual negative view on spiritual things, I want to approach things in a positive light where no anti-depressants are required to feel good.

I wish you all the best and please remember - it all starts with personal prayer every day and setting some small spiritual goals for yourself. Once you start getting educated on the real life, good things start to happen.

silent

13

Theocratic Warfare: Thinking Out Loud About "Truth", "Lies" and "Characterization"

by gubberningbody in

entities, like the gb don't exist.

people do.

entities don't make decisions.

silent3

Hello gang. I was under the username silent years ago. Wow I can't believe this thread is 11 years old already!

Regarding a previous post I had made about FDS being "dumb" - after a lot of time and consideration, I don't think that way anymore.

Looking back, I had taken myself off of anti-depressants without doctors orders and did I ever go nuts! I look back with a complete change of heart on some of the things I had said. I've started reading the articles they publish again and they seem so much nicer and pleasant that I had remembered them. After researching other religions with an open mind, I've come to the conclusion that they are right and do a good job with disseminating Biblical truth.

Do I think they are perfect? No they can't be - impossible. However like the ancient Boreans, we can look things up and see if it is so - using our powers of reason. I'm not just towing the line here, I really feel this way. Thanks to my dear old Mom for explaining some things to me yesterday that I hadn't been able to comprehend nor feel for a long time.

We don't have to be push-over yes-men and just agree with everything thrown in front of us, but from what videos I've watched and articles I've read, they have really come a long ways from what I remembered them to be in the 80s and 90s. Also my comment about being devoted to them being dangerous - I don't think that way now because back when I posted that, the emotional turmoil I felt caused me lash out and blame everyone for everything. I totally recant that statement because I was not in the right frame of mind and didn't totally comprehend what was going on inside of me nor what I was saying.

Without anti-depressants in one's body and being able to feel love, it's really an amazing experience. So much damage is caused when we can't feel love.

Take care everyone.

silent

26

Top 10 EASIEST WAYS TO FADE....lets use our new Code words ( I will do 2 of 10 )

by dreamgolfer in

jw
friends

1. move out of your assigned congo territory - with gas going back to $ 4 a gallon, they wont come hunting for you.

2. stop going to meetings because you:_______________________________________________.

silent3

My old username was silent and so here I am again.

I'm going back and reading some of my old posts. This one is from 8 years ago and I quote:

I'm just sad that I can't worship Jehovah without all the other B.S. that gets in the way. I think underneath the facade that the WTBTS presents Jehovah as, he's a really loving, caring, considerate God and I'd really like to just visit with him personally. I think a chat with him would expose so much of the hurtful rules that are foisted upon us and makes us hurt inside so much. If you really love someone, you don't make up rules that hurt them and tears them down - making them want to kill themselves as was the case with me for so many years. I've had to fade for my own survival because wanting to die is not a product of a healthy religion.

======

It's been amazing to me go through and see where I was mentally and emotionally over the years. I had a nice visit with my Mom yesterday and it was such a soul-stirring visit about the depths of Jehovah's love. Over the years, all I had experienced was teasing from others about my religion. Saying no to this, no to that, and overall and it created within me an extremely negative spirit. I had nobody I could speak honestly to about these things and it just welled up inside. It's part of a healing process I'm going through now to try and make sense of everything.

I've really struggled with some of things the faithful and discreet slave would say like in matters about attending secondary education. It's a hard pill to swallow because you know the hardships it can cause to work low-paying jobs, but I have to say that compared to the things I remember reading about when I was a kid versus now, things seem to be a bit more upbeat. When you aren't in your right mind and have had your mind affected by the taking of anti-depressants, there are severe after-effects in your thought process. I'm actually quite shocked at some of the stuff I posted - it was never out and out against Jehovah, the Bible, or FDS, but it certainly was called into question. Intense emotional pain will do that to a person.

Where I once had poised a serious question about how the FDS portray's Jehovah, based upon what I've been reading, he is really the epitome of love and it should behoove any of us to look into things a bit closer.

Thanks Mom.

silent

24

What would you do?

by ctrwtf in

jw
friends

so i travel alot for business and check into a hotel, start putting away my things and lo and behold in a bureau drawer, find a couple of wt's a couple of awake's and two tracts.

1. throw them in the trash and forget about it.

2. leave them where they lay and forget about it.. 3. leave a note for the housekeeper asking to lay off the cult recruitment.. 4. bring it to the attention of the management, and possibly get the housekeeper fired.. thanks for your input.

silent3

Under my old username silent, I had posted: Are they new copies? You wanna hang on to the January 1989 WT for the preaching work being completed in the 20th century reference...

==================

I finally just deleted the copies of things I had on my computer. At the time, it helped me to feel better about the views I once had about the religion.

What I'm understanding now though is that hanging on to old dirt stunts you emotionally and spiritually. It's a grudge and something to cling on to in lieu of something else.

So I would simply advocate just getting rid of any old literature that proves any points you have and just move on.

I had my eyes opened last night with a wonderful discussion with my mother and so I'm a changed man. It was that simple all along.

silent

18

FYI, links to photos of jw.org signs on top of WT buildings

by AndersonsInfo in

jw
friends

yesterday, on the thread i started on 4/15/14, http://www.jehovahs-witness.net/jw/friends/279088/1/essay-by-barbara-anderson-whats-in-a-name#.u1e98jao7l9 that introduces a recent article i wrote which is posted on www.watchtowerdocuments.org , i thought i made an inaccurate statement in one of my posts about wt having a sign, jw.org, on the top of one of their buildings.

i was sure i had seen a photo of such a sign but couldn't prove it until last night when proof was sent to me in an email and the proof is to be found in the form of links to photos of the sign.

i was wrong in thinking the sign was on a wt factory building.

silent3

silent is my old username - I had to create a new one.

I've been the jw.org site recently and they've polished it up. I still a bit peeved that I was made to feel bad/guilty for having a computer back in the day, but I must admit that when flying internationally, it's nice to attend a meeting and have all your necessary information on a smartphone and not have to use up your weight on literature.

So my comment about being disgusted by them embracing the technology was based on how I was made to feel bad for using a computer, but now it's all okay.

I've come to a point in my life where I'm mellowing out and little things like domain names and electronic devices don't phase me any more. Anyone can do what they want online including them. I just wished I hadn't been made to feel bad about using technology while growing up. Oh well, forget about it and move on.

silent

34

My JW Life... (LONG)

by silent in

jw
friends

i never, ever thought i would ever be posting on a board such as this but here i am.

i've been reading the boards for several months and despite my initial conscience twinges, i couldn't help but follow a logical thought process on many issues that were causing me grief.

over this past week, due to the things i've read on here, i've had a massive cloud lift from me and i'm starting to feel joy and love in my heart that i've *never* felt before.

silent3

Hello everyone and thank you for your replies. I went back and re-read my posts here and it is really interesting to me to see how thoughts evolve! One thing I've learned about posting thoughts themselves (like on social media or via youtube in a video) is that it leaves a digital footprint - and one that can be hard to remove or redact if one wants to.

Whatever mental state one is in can really evolve and change and when it comes to depression and emotional turmoil, one can say things they flat out don't mean or perhaps don't comprehend the seriousness of until later. I guess the main thing is to try and go in the correct direction and keep maturing, growing, and learning to love! Love is a huge deal that I've missed out on over the years. Love totally puts your focus in the right place or at least helps you and it's a great motivator for all things good.

Lately I've been working on my spiritual growth.

What has helped me on my spirtual healing journey as of late is talking with my Mom and a co-worker. My co-worker is die-hard Catholic and he was encouraging me to get back to praying. I told him that I always felt like I was talking to myself and didn't "get" it. He said, "Well you're supposed to view it as like you would talking to a loving father."

That hit home with me because I've never had a father I could talk to about all personal matters. It would always have to be a stranger or someone else so I just didn't do it. I would never talk about how I felt nor could I ask for help with any emotional/personal problems.

My aging mother and I were able to sit down and talk yesterday and it was a very nice discussion. In fact, a discussion that should have happened years ago.

So the bottom line is that as I've gotten older and started mellowing out, how I felt at that one particular time is not how I feel now.

Love is what it's all about and if you can't feel it, you need to work and gaining it by working through whatever is causing you to not be able to feel it. That's been a big problem for me and it's caused me to say and do things with nothing more than just logical approach to live seasoned with emotional turmoil from unresolved issues. When I addressed some unresolved issues with my Mom, the pain went away and I felt love come through. Same holds true with my wife. I hope many of you can experience this level of love and understanding.

I went on and addressed issues with Mom that I've had with the organization for many years. She listened and gave me some advice and after that, I felt so much better. You see, when you don't feel love, it's all too easy to start shooting arrows of blame. It clouds your judgement and makes you say things you wouldn't say when in a clear frame of mind. I must admit that many of the problems I've had with relatives, close family members, members of my congregation, and the WTBS stemmed from one thing - that was not being able to ask questions and an intense fear of reprisal for wanting to talk about it.

So my epiphany moment I had yesterday left me with love that I can feel for my Mom and Dad. Once being able to feel that, I now understand that living in ones choice of faith isn't a big list of legalistic dos and don'ts (as I had always thought), but rather it's supposed to be a loving guide of support to help us live the best life possible. I *finally* get it now and how to experience love for my family, aging parents, wife, congregation, Jehovah, Jesus, and respecting the direction from WTBS. I simply analyzed what I believe in and decided they are the closest thing to the truth I've ever found. Then I had to analyze my hurts and start to address them. It's uncomfortable as all get out, but it feels so much better afterwards.

I know people will probably heckle me for this update because it may very well not be the hoped-for bashing on the WTBS, but I'm glad to share my journey with you and explain myself about how I felt at one time and how I feel now. I feel deeply for everyone on this forum and hope that if you've been hurt by your beliefs, that you can reconcile them, experience love, and keep growing in it. It's something really special.

Thank You for reading!

silent

10

How to delete posts to this forum?

by deanxxx in

hi, .

i would like to delete all my post on this forum, particularly topics i have started.

how do i do that?.

silent3

I'm willing to pay a chunk of change to have some of my posts removed. I've tried contacting Simon through here, through messaging, and via the forum contact address and I haven't gotten any response.

I'd like to at least make contact with him or anyone else who is a moderator on the forum and go from there.

At the very least, help in recovering my password from my main account would be great. I try a few different passwords every day and I stlil can't gain access.

silent