Posts by LoriJis

26

Rejected by Immediate Family

by LoriJis in

jw
friends

as most of you know, my husband and i da's ourselves almost 8 months ago.

the communication with my family stayed pretty normal.

they would call once in a while and text me.

As most of you know, my husband and I DA's ourselves almost 8 months ago. The communication with MY family stayed pretty normal. They would call once in a while and text me. My sister would keep in touch with me and let me talk to my nephews. Not every day but once in a while. Today I called my mother (we used to work together before I got laid off) to ask her to get me some paperwork that I needed from my old job. She was very short on the phone. I told her I had went to see my aunt (her sister) - who is not a witness - and my mother wasnt happy about it. I told her I was keeping in touch with my aunts and uncles (that are not witnesses) and try to reconnect with them. As a born-in witness we were not allowed to associated with our non-witness family. So now I wanted to reconnect with them. My grandfather called me who i havent talked to in at least 5 years. And i told my mother because I was excited. Her response was: "Yea i told him about your tattoo and he was upset and wanted to talk to you". I'm like serious? Does the family have nothing better to do than talk about me.

Then she asks me: "Are you happy?" I said yes why. Her response: Well, your celebrating birthdays, halloween, christmas, you smoke and you got tattoos. Are you happy with your life? Is this what you wanted" My heart shattered at that moment. I thought that my family was somewhat supportive - guess I was wrong. I told her that yes i was happy and i knew that she was disappointed in me but that i was sorry.

Then I ask my sister to let me talk to my nephew and her response was: "My husband and I had a talk with your nephew and explained that until you decide to come back he's not allowed to talk to his aunt". Then she says "the same way you want us to respect your decision of leaving, you should respect the consequences of your decisions."

Consequences of my decisions.....hmmm.....here's my thought. If you truly want me to come back (not that I will) wouldnt you think it would be easier embracing me rather than shunning me out. My "worldy" family who i have not seen or talked to in at least 6 years are all getting together this weekend for New Years and have invited me and I am going. I want to meet cousins I dont know I have and would like to meet my husband which they havent met. This to me is family. They are not judging my decisions. They are including me - even though I've abandoned them. They accept me no matter what.

So how am I supposed to feel when my witness immediate family (parents and siblings) wont talk to me and my non-witness family who hasnt heard from me inyears accepts me with no questions asked.

I am soooo upset, depressed and everything. I usually do things impulsively but i'm thinking about sending them all an email saying how i feel and then just letting them know that i will be disconnecting from them from now on.....any suggestions in this situation?

47

Secret Santa wish list :)

by tec in

jw
friends

okay, so this is the thread where everyone who has signed up for secret santa can tell the rest of us what you like.

colors, hobbies, trinkets, etc :) keep in mind that the limit is 15.00, or 10 pounds.. have fun,.

tammy.

LoriJis

I like waterglobes, candles or since this is our 1st Christmas...ornaments....

Favorite colors: purple and red....

13

Can I be df'd even if I never meet with the elders?

by ele_lux in

if i never agree to meet them, can they still df me if they knew i was doing something they condemn?.

LoriJis

Thats what happened to my husband and I....they decided to DF us because supposedly we werent responding to them. They called it a JC and we were DF'd in absence. I only found out through a family member this was going to happen. So we decided to DA ourselves before they could DF us. Crazy though....and the funny thing was that nobody really tried contacting either one of us....

90

Did you Fade Gradually or Stop Attending Meetings Quickly ? Reasons ?

by flipper in

jw
friends

been thinking about this and curious about what makes us all come to the decisions we came to in our fade/exiting the jw organization.. i think for myself having been born-in & raised a jw my doubts about the generation doctrine had simmered for years within me quietly and by the time i finally left in 2003 i had reached my breaking point.

also seeing unjust treatment of rank & file witness ( myself included ) just propelled me into my decision even quicker.

so - one day after meeting with 3 elders in a back room before a meeting and seeing their judgmental aggression towards me - i just told myself " enough is enough ".

LoriJis

My husband left the "truth" in his heart a few years before we met but was living the "double life". When we met, we got married as JWs for our families sake. We wanted to do the fade thing but circumstances made that impossible. My husband was relieved because he can breathe. My last straw was the way the elders handled the situation....the held a committee without even notifying us and we found out they were going to DF us without notification. That did it for me.....it's hard because our families are still there and we have been outcasted...but we dont regret the decision.

55

Secret Santa 2010 participation

by nugget in

jw
friends

we have agreed to get the ball rolling so that we can get secret santa up and running this year.. if you wish to participate it is very simple.. if you live in the us please can you pm tec with your name address and site name e.g.

nugget.. if you live in canada and the rest of the world pm nugget with the same information.. the closing date for applications is 30th november 2010. this will allow the draw to take place on 1st december 2010 and secret santas to be notified.

if you do not want to send international post please can you also let me know (nugget) so that i can ensure you receive a recipient based in your country or as close as possible.. gifts should not cost more than $15, 10. if you do have an international parcel it can cost almost as much to post heavy items so bear this in mind when shopping.

LoriJis

I'm in and my husband (iron hill) also...we will do 2 gifts...one from each of us....PM coming now

21

Saddening and Inspiring...

by IronHill in

jw
friends

ok, so we received our new copy of crisis of conscience (since my previous copy was lent out and never returned) and me and the wifey have been reading it together for the past couple nights.

i have read the book before, and know the shock felt when you read about certain things in the organization.

she admits to having lingering thoughts and feelings of guilt for leaving perhaps the only true religion.

LoriJis

This is the wifey....i have to admit this has been a real eye opener for me. Like my husband said I was feeling guilty for leaving and deep down still believed somewhere maybe it was still the "truth" but at least I was doing what I wanted with my life when I DA'd - which was hard to do. But after last night, I am so shocked and hurt that I don't believe it. This was only chapter 3 (i think). I can imagine once we finish the book how I am going to feel. My husband told me that it's something I have to go through and honestly, I have a lot more respect for all of you who told me to read it and said how it's changed your life. I will soon get there and feel the liberation all of you feel (i hope)....

I am thankful my husband is there with me through this.. It would be hard alone and I feel sad that he (as many of you) had to do it alone.

Will keep you updated......

16

Your guilty pleasures...

by MrFreeze in

when you were a witness, or if you still are, what types of movies/games/tv shows/books/other activities did you enjoy that the society might not find too appropriate for jdubs.

for me here's a list of things i enjoyed that wouldn't have made the friends too pleased but that i rather enjoyed.. movies: all the best movies are rated r. whether it be language, violence, or sex.

you'd be hard pressed to find a movie made in the last 20 years that is really good that isn't rated r. some movies i enjoyed that the friends wouldn't have wanted me to be seeing: the matrix, godfather, godfather 2, goodfellas, american history x, office space, the pianist, shawshank redemption, the shining.

LoriJis

I love rated R movies...always did. I love the fact I can wear short skirts and low cut shirts...Also a tattoo and i got mine 3 weeks ago guess my ex-JW friends and family wouldnt approve....

14

How do you not care

by LoriJis in

jw
friends

here is my dilemma.....i am the type of person that gets upset when things are unjust and people act unfair towards me or my family.

but here is the problem.

as you know, we have been da and my husband's ex-wife (who was just reinstated) and his family (who live in the same apt bldg we do) cannot stand me.

LoriJis

Here is my dilemma.....i am the type of person that gets upset when things are unjust and people act unfair towards me or my family. But here is the problem. As you know, we have been DA and my husband's ex-wife (who was just reinstated) and his family (who live in the same apt bldg we do) cannot stand me. My husband has the type of character that if you cant change something or someone why get upset. Here's an example, we needed quarters to do laundry and he said we can ask my mother....this woman hates me and i cant stand her either. But since we have been DA'd, things just get worse with us. I'd rather drive to the local Wawa and get change than ask for anything from her. But my husband did and i got really upset. The same type of deal goes with his exwife.

My attitude is affecting our marriage and i know he's right. I should just not even care. He's great at just letting things slide and being the bigger person. I, on the other hand, am not. It's affecting our relationship. So here's my question to you, how do you go from being the type of person - which ive been all my life - who is like that; who doesnt wanna give in; who wants her way to be noticed and could give 2 shits about anyone else but also doesnt want them to get over on her or her husband - to being the type that just is the bigger person and let's things go....

I dont want my relationship with my husband to suffer because of the way i am...but how do you change? How do you not care anymore? How do i become the bigger person and just deal with it. The problem is that i not only say how it bothers me but i show it too. I get upset and it ruins the day. I suggested, i just wont say how i feel or show how i feel. But does that really work? Can i truly hide how i feel to be the bigger person here? I dont know how to do that - how to change ones personality.......

Please, some advice would be nice. My husband is wonderful and i don't want him to suffer anymore because of my feelings towards these people who honestly i shouldnt give a damn about.

2

New Insurance for Dubbers and Such

by Mad Dawg in

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jl4jxpi8wu4&feature=channel.

LoriJis

thats hilarious....my husband almost fell out of his seat

49

How did you find the strength to leave?

by SAHARA in

to all of you exjws, i'm sure you've been asked this question one way or the other many times and i'm sure the answer is different for many of you, i'd like to know directly from you never having a chance to hear or read many exjw's answers to this.

knowing that you would be cut off from your family and friends and other consequences for your decision to leave, how did you ever get the strength to do it?

i mean really, i find it fascinating to know that there are so many of you who were at one time very devout, if not at the very least loyal to one of the most successful mind-contol organizations ever who believed all if not most of what the society taught and still you found the courage to risk everything once you accepted that it isn't what it claims to be.

LoriJis

For me it was my husband who wanted to leave and he told me about it before we got married. I wanted the double life but I knew he wouldnt do it. So we started to fade. We wanted to keep that life to keep contact with our family. But my husband's exwife made that impossible and thats when I saw how badly they can treat people. When his ex wanted to get reinstated she told her elders what we were doing. Then we find out that they had a JC to disfellowship us without contact (full story was posted a few months ago) that blew my mind. So we had no choice but to DA ourselves to avoid disfellowshipping.

I can tell you its been 3 months and it's horrible. It takes an emotional toll on you. I have my wonderful husband's support but to lose friends that ive had for years and family treat you like you are the devil is horrible. We are starting to make "real unconditinal" friends now but we both do miss our families very much. Like i said we just started so it is very hard for me but ive had helpful people on this site and our new friends that tell us with time.....but yes it is hard.

LoriJis