Did you Fade Gradually or Stop Attending Meetings Quickly ? Reasons ?

by flipper 90 Replies latest jw friends

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  flipper

  Been thinking about this and curious about what makes us all come to the decisions we came to in our fade/exiting the JW organization.

  I think for myself having been born-in & raised a JW my doubts about the generation doctrine had simmered for years within me quietly and by the time I finally left in 2003 I had reached my breaking point. Also seeing unjust treatment of rank & file witness ( myself included ) just propelled me into my decision even quicker. So - One day after meeting with 3 elders in a back room before a meeting and seeing their judgmental aggression towards me - I just told myself " enough is enough ". Went to my seat , got my books walked out of the kingdom hall & never went back again.

  So what was YOUR story ? Did you fade gradually, stop fairly quickly - and what led you to decide on a quick or slow fade ? As always I look forward to your takes & observations ! Hope you all are doing well tonight ! Peace out to all, Mr. Flipper
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  Hairyhegoat

  I had a kid in the kingdom hall punch my son and daughter who we only 5 and 7 at the time and he was a fat nine year old.. This was not the first time we had this ashole come the crack on my kids so this was the last straw. At the end of the sunday meeting he tried it on again and that was it. I shouted I have had enough of this shit so fuck off and leave my kids alone you fat bastard.. the whole Kingshurst congregation went silent. I said what the fuck are you looking at, its that arse who needs a good slap, the shows over and you have just drove a family of 6 away. We never went back to the meetings again.. It was that quick

  hairyhegoat
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  VampireDCLXV

  Did I fade slowly or quickly? Hmm. I dunno. How long is a piece of string?

  One fateful Saturday morning in Jan 2008 I slept in and I couldn't get myself to go to FS that day. I felt so bad that I crashed into an even deeper, more paralysing depression over it. I never went to FS again. That's when I was stalked for a time...

  I attended meetings only sporadically for a few months after that, until I had one fateful argument with my mom (who was visiting) after a meeting over how I couldn't stand to be around "those people" in my congo, how fake I thought they were, how overly negative she thought I was being. I couldn't motivate myself to go to meetings after that one.

  I felt sad, lonely and lost for the two years since, until I joined up here. Until this past summer, I wasn't sure whether I wanted to be a JW or not...

  V665
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  OnTheWayOut

  I missed the occasional meeting for a few years due to a rotating work schedule while I was an elder. To start the fade, I resigned as an elder and increased from "occasional" to a set amount, adding other reasons besides work. I actually counted how much I missed and made a plan to increase that number. I believe I started missing one of each of the five meetings out of every three of each by the second month and totally faded to zero meetings in a total of 9 or 10 months.

  When I first started the fade, I wrote 1 hour of field service on my report for two months, then acted all stumbled by my meeting with the C.O. and wrote "ZERO" on it with the note "Stumbled by C.O." I did that for two months then just stopped reporting.

  I just had to get out of there for my own peace of mind. I learned so much about the organization and couldn't fade out slowly. I wanted to stay around longer to help my wife out, but it just didn't seem like it was happening, so I had to move along.
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  wasblind

  Hi again Flipp,

  well I had a lot of questions that they did not have the answer too or didn't want to answer

  and I was told, to just trust because it was the "truth" and the religion

  it's self is too overbearing , after the love bombin' It's really a cold place to be
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  cognizant dissident

  I started fading about 7 years ago in Dec 2003 when I injured my back and then became ill with a chronic illness. I didn't know I was fading. I didn't know there was a name for it. I had been having doubts for a few years about the blood doctrine and women's issues like rape and abuse but hadn't made a conscience decision to leave or fade.

  I was literally just too injured and sick to attend most of the time. I got very few visits and realized I didn't miss the meetings or people very much at all. I realized how superficial my relationships with my "brothers and sisters" really were. It was a case of out of sight, out of mind. Being away from the constant brainwashing freed up my brain to think for itself and I had time on my hands to do more intensive doctrinal research. In the second year of my illness, I probably could have attended a bit more than I did but I liked not going and staying home with my teenage son who showed little interest also.

  We started having free flowing discussions about the "truth" and different doctrines and I encouraged him to tell me all his doubts and I told him I shared them. When we did go to the meetings that last year in 2005, it was more of a social thing. We would constantly look at each other when they would say some crazy thing from the platform that we knew was bullshit. The people were mostly OK, although every congo has a few self righteous assholes whom we mostly ignored.

  I think I was lurking on Randy Waters site in 2005 quite a bit and even contacted him. He put me onto JWD, where I found I was not alone and there were thousands who thought like me. I didn't feel especially guilty about this. My thinking was that if it was the truth it should be able to stand up to analytical criticism. After reading some of the doctrinal research essays I realized I had been lied to my entire life.

  Finally, on Jan 1, 2006 I made an actual new years resolution not to waste any more of my life on this religion. I had so many regrets about my education, my career, my marriage. I never went to another meeting or assembly again. I was never contacted by the elders and asked why. My husband continued to lie to them and tell them I was sick for a couple of years. After that, he started to tell them the truth. Everyone unofficially avoided me socially.

  So, I guess I did both. First I faded (out of spiritual weakness ;-), then I quit cold turkey.

  Cog
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  blondie

  We went to an offensive circuit assembly and that was the last "meeting" I went to. My husband went to a few more and that was it. We had no family or "friends" that we felt were worth keeping; ten years later confirmed out d ecision as the right one.
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  cognizant dissident

  I'm glad you had your husband with you Blondie. I imagine that makes it so much easier. Most of the faders still have their spouse or grown children in. It's hearbreaking how families are torn apart.
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  flipper

  HAIRYHEGOAT- Wow. How disgusting it was that that boy beat on your kids like that. Sick. What's even sicker is the witnesses just stood there silently doing NOTHING about it ! Astounding. Well- I guess I shouldn't be surprised by anything I see happen in Witness land anymore. I do hope you & your children have gone on to find happiness now. So you had a sudden fade then. If I had gone through what you & your kids did - I would have stopped immediately also !

  VAMPIRE DC- I hear what you're saying. Many times I would just not feel " up " to going out in service. Have to drag ourselves out of bed. It really sucked- BIG time ! And I also experienced people being " fake " at the kingdom hall as well. It seemed like EVERY relationship was conditional on how we commented, gave talks, went out in service. Nothing to do with how nice we were ! LOL ! I'm glad you are on the board Vampire ! I really enjoy your posts and contributions here ! I'm glad you found it and I hope it helps.

  OTWO- It seems like your fade has gone really well for you OTWO. I never knew you put on your time slip " stumbled by the P.O. " ! That's hilarious ! You are my new hero. I know it's been a challenge for you with a believing JW wife - however you have been very patient and I feel I time your patience will pay off dividends of her exiting. I have faith in you , and I have faith in the cult or people IN the cult screwing her over in time.

  WASBLIND- Good point. The WT society just expects all of us to believe it's " the truth " without asking questions at all. I agree with you- I found the Jehovah's Witnesses cult to be WAY too overbearing many times myself. And I was raised in it ! It felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of my shouldres when I stopped attending.

  COGNIZANT DISSIDENT- It sounds like you went through what Steve Hassan went through after getting into a car accident when he was a Moony. It forced him to get away from the mind control so he could start thinking authentically again without cult influence. Sounds like that happened for you as well ! Good ! I'm sorry you got ill, but it opened up your eyes when not many JW's came to visit you and started you on your journey to question & research the organization. I'm glad your son got out with you as well ! Good for both of you ! Freedom of mind is a great thing to possess , isn't it ? I'm glad you made it out ! Peace out, Mr. Flipper
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  factfinder

  I just lost my desire to go to meetings. It happened gradually. I had no family or friends at the hall and ended up going only to get the literature. It just naturally occured- my going less and less, maybe only once a year or so. Not planned, just went that way. Finally after a meeting with 2 judgemental, unencouraging elders I knew I could not convince myself to go much longer. Over the next year I think I went once. Finally in 2005 I went to a meeting and it ended up being my last one. I did not plan it to be, just worked out that way. I could find no motivation to go back, not even for the literature. And I guess the congregation did not notice or care that I was missing. No-one ever called to inquire how I am or why I left or to try to get me to come back.