I cannot even begin to compare myself with many of thje posters here, as I was never baptized, or had become a regular participant in meetings, assemblies, and what not... but, that aside, I still have those feelings of being denied friends that I had made over the past two years... the anger, uncertainty, the "what on earth did I do to deserve this," feelings just don't seem to want to go away.
I know that I was love-bombed." Logically it makes perfect sense that this is what happened. When you sit and logically entertain that fact, it all makes logical sense (I use the words logically and logic alot). But there's no logic whatsoever in the JWs way of thinking. I made about half a dozen friends in my two years of study and attending meetings about 1-2x per month. I considered my study conductor one of my best friends... why wouldn't I? We talked daily, we worked out, we studied... we were friends for two years before study began...
Having been "almost in" for only two years does not make losing people any easier... I think about it daily, and the only saving grace is that I found out in two short years versus the lifetime that many posters have dealt with or are dealing with...
They are outright liars... when I tell myself that, I feel better. And, they must lie to themselves, convincing themselves that they are better off without my friendship... it makes no sense... but, every day is a bit better... I think of going to a meeting every now and then to see these people who I thought were important in my life, but then my logic convinces me that it's not the right think to do.
My JW freinds and especially my study conductor/friend has made their choice and feelings very clear. It saddens me that they have done this to me. Now, the healthiest thing for me to do is drop this. If I continue to think about it, it will only bring me more heartache. If I did go to the Hall and my "friend" responds to me in a positive way, I will be right back where I was. I will never know if his re-acceptance of me was for friendship or personnal advancement for him within the WT ranks.
I know that I have other friends and family members (that I almost lost) that love me and value our friendships, and I don't want to agonize over this anymore. For my own health and well being, I am letting go and cutting my ties. As far as I am concerned, it there is any loss here, it is his loss and up to him to repair.
I am trying very hard to look forward to new opportunities and new friends and stick with the ones that have stuck by me.