How to live the Disfellowshipped lifestyleI

by joelingeorgia 10 Replies latest jw friends

  • joelingeorgia

    It is my feeling that no other group of people face a life quite like those of us who are shunned by our family and social network

    of friends. The loss of both of these at the same time can do a enormous amount of emotional damage. I know, from my personal

    experience that it affects my life greatly. I think I have made mistakes in the way that I have handled my life as a disfellowshipped

    person. The main mistake I have made is trying to cling to family members who are shunning me. My one piece of advice is to

    seriously consider accepting disfellowshipping and moving on quickly to form a new direction for your life, make new friends who

    are supportive and try to understand how it feels to live as a shunned person. I am interested in reading what other people

    have done to cope with being a shunned person. I consider myself in recovery and I continue to have good days and bad days, but

    I still have hope that I will one day find true peace of mind after 21 years of struggling as a disfellowshipped person.



  • CrimsonBleu

    You can do yourself a favor by shunning them back. It feels pretty good. I have been out for 25 yeras, and just started shunning the two jw sisses I have...started back in June. Stop letting them have that power over you. Live, love and be happy. And live your truth.

  • jamiebowers

    Get involved with other people; co-workers, classmates and community members.

  • rebel8


    Lots of people don't like me or don't talk to me anymore. Their loss.

    Your advice is good. Sets of people, from time to time, come in and out of our lives.

    Shunning by someone with shared genes? Not a reason to be totally wrecked for life. It's just a few cells in common. They can make nutty decisions or be a-holes just like those with whom we do not have those cells in common.

    Being shunned by people with whom we have an emotional bond can be difficult, but we can move on.

    What have I done?

  • dinah

    When you mope around about it, that gives them power. Just see them as the senseless, brainwashed fools they are. *Cheers*

  • BabaYaga

    It is a cliche', but it is so true: Living well is the best revenge.

    Go find things to do that fulfill you and fill your life with good and loving people who make you happy.

  • parakeet

    I wasn't DFed, but when I left the dubs, I considered shunning as entertainment. When dubs turned up their self-righteous noses at me, it struck me as the funniest thing I ever saw; grown people acting that way. I laughed in their faces.

    However, my dub family did not and does not shun me. I might be singing a different tune if that had happened.

  • oompa

    oh i am with you joel as to how it feels to lose lifelong friends....i mean from 5 years old........that type can not be replaced when you share so much history

    however...........we are far from the only ones who this happens to............Hasidic Jews in NYC that run the diamond district are far more strict than dubs.......and they almost literally kick their kids out with nothing....i saw a documentary on them and was amazed at how similar they are....there are several apartments in ny set up by shunned members to help others kicked out.....what really got me was that these jews claim
    "we are the only REAL jews...all others are apostate jews!!!!"...........sound familiar

    i have a friend in recovery in AA and he swears it is an incredible social network if you find the right groups...and he really needed social structure as he lost everything in his life due to crack he is clean for three years.........he has found three groups that have awesome people in it... (and hot babes like his gf he found there!)..........recovery is should check it out, but make sure you find no smoking ones.........i am going with him tonight btw.....

    also some Mormons shun like crazy and just think how hardcore islam sects are!!...they do more than shun sometimes........they kill and cut off body parts!!! about a control mechanism

    lol...i think i may stand and say i am in recovery for a powerfuls substance they are not familiar with..........exiting a cult were even your family will shun you

  • Almost_Did_It

    Well... I was never disfellowshipped... because I was never baptized... I almost did it, like my user name says... but not doing it doesn't make it any easier to lose friends. I was involved in and out since 2004, almost to the point of baptism, but something held me back...

    Regardless, I made some great friends and emotionally, losing that canmraderie has taken its toll on my psyche... I keep looking for a logical why but there is not logical why... I keep thinking it makes no sense to have friends that you shared a lot with over 5 years to step out of your life... I have done everything that the other posters have said to do... but every now and then my melancholy self comes back and I try to figure things out again and I get all emotional and I want to go back to those friendships... then I have a moment of clarity and I realize that I am better off without them... they dragged me down... they weakened my defenses and my ability to be strong without them... I need to be strong without them... it doesn't matter what they are doing anymore... no one cares... they are a bunch of deadbeats who only cared about me because they sucked me in... Now, if I can just get myself to believe that all the time... maybe I need medication...

  • oompa

    almost............((((((((((((((((((((((((((((almost))))))))))))))))))))))))))damm that sounds like me.......that moment of clarity can suck...but i hope it is worth is called freedom............oomps

Share this