I think I understand... I am being shunned...

by Almost_Did_It 19 Replies latest jw friends

  • Almost_Did_It

    I think I finally realize what’s been happening… As I said earlier, I almost took the plunge knee-deep into becoming a JW… I had many confrontations with my wife and others in my family, but I still continued to push forward…

    It’d been almost 2 years since I first was indoctrinated and 1.5 years since I have been studying… I studied with a “friend” who was also a co-worker. We studied before or after work because it was convenient for us both.

    Seven weeks ago, I left my place of employment for another position… I have heard nothing from the study conductor since then. Seems like since the convenience is gone, so am I and so is the study, and, unfortunately, so is the friendship I thought we had :(

    My study buddy told me routinely that I needed to study more and start attending more meetings and what not. Just prior to me leaving, I told him I still wasn’t totally sure about everything…

    So, I left my position, don’t have the chance to see him anymore, and this has happened… It’s been almost 8 weeks with no contact.

    I finally understand… I think I am being shunned… too many questions... too long a time to study… who cares about the friendship… I think I became a “bad association” as they call it… huh????

    No contact at all after 2+ years of friendship and study…

    Where in the Bible does it say that it’s OK to treat another human being this way… Show me the examples in the Bible detailing how Jesus shunned people… show me, please…

  • AK - Jeff
    AK - Jeff

    Jw's would not consider it 'shunning' - at least not in the same way they shun those of us who were Jw's and then left the faith. But they would likely consider that the 'study' has gone on long enough for you to have become a Witness. And since you moved on - it is an easy way to just let another 'bad association' go without comment.

    THe pain is real - but it will pass in time. Can you imagine how much more painful it would have been if you had become a Jw then left? I had hundreds of 'friends' in the faith. Not a single one of them will speak to me now after I left the religion.

    So sorry for the way you have been treated. Take the time to educate yourself fully about the religion, for I suspect that at some point future, you will get that call - but the motive will be to 'finish' your conversion, not to maintain an honest friendship with you. All they care about is making more Jw's - trust me on this.


  • jamiebowers

    Count your blessings! Being abandonded by a friend of 2 years isn't near as painful as losing your family.

  • vikesgirl101

    Why yes, they have a study format, in which a student will be ready for baptism in roughly six months. Six months??? What is with a time frame? I have bitter feelings, but I try not to let it show. I had been raped by my husband, and emotionally abused. When I left him, guess what they said?" You have 72 hours to repair your marriage, or we will disfellowship you." Seventy two hours?? If you do not meet their timeframe, goodbye. You are a waste of their time. As far as friendships, forget it. People you were close to, will not make eye contact, because you do not meet criteria as a friend. Nothing annoyed me more than when someone found themselves a new "project", such as you were. You were ana amazing person in their eyes. They had you over to eat, invited you to congregation functions, and then suddenly out of the blue...nothing. You took too long. It must be great for the ego. Count your blessings, please. Meanwhile, look for real friends that will be there for you, no matter what. I thank God every day that I did.

    DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP!! It's not about you. It is about them!

  • Gayle

    Friendships among JWs are totally conditional!!

  • mraimondi

    if you are not studying, and you are not a witness, you ARE bad association, no matter what you do.

  • twinkletoes

    Welcome Almost did it

    Think yourself very lucky that you have managed to escape their clutches.

    As with many others, I can testify that after being in the Organisation for over 30 years, I am now being shunned by ones who I thought were friends and also my own brother (a JW Elder)

    and all we (me and husband) did was to ask questions (UN - WT Involvement etc)


  • reniaa

    i'm confused did you start your study and friendship happened afterwards or you were friends and then started a study?

    If the whole point of you you meeting up with him was for having a study if you now have no interest in a study or going further then this is a situation that has ended.

    Have you tried to contact him if the only contact you had was that person ringing to arrange studies and you made it clear you are no longer interested then things have come to a natural end and I am surprised at your bitterness.

    Being a Jehovah's witness is a life choice even more so now when the cultural divide is getting wider.

  • Billy the Ex-Bethelite
    Billy the Ex-Bethelite

    Welcome Almost_Did_It!!

    "Being a Jehovah's witness is a life choice even more so now when the cultural divide is getting wider."

    Translation: Jehovah's witnesses are even more of a cult now than they have ever been before.

    Don't be surprised that study=friendship, friendship=study... no study=no friendship. Rather than try to figure it all out, move on, and count your blessings. Your study-buddy is probably all bummed out that you didn't love him enough to become a dub and ignore all your questions. It's all like a big hostage negotiation involving a cult and emotional attachments to friends and/or family.

    B the X


    Reniaa..I don`t think you were here,when this first was posted on another thread.....These people did more than just study..They also socialised....That stopped when the study stopped..The friendship was conditional,just like most JW friendships.....It`s unfortunate the WBT$ brings so much misery to decent people...........................There has always been a us VS them mentality with Jehovah`s Witness`s,enforced by the WBT$........The WBT$ causes division..And..Will continue to ruin familys and friendships for decades to come...........................Where have you been?..I miss you,avoiding my questions,or not answering them at all ................................LOL!!...OUTLAW

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