Physically In, Mentally Out - A huge welcome to you my friend. I was a born in JW myself - exited about 14 years ago - just stopped attending due to injustices happening within the organization and elders unjust treatment of others - as well towards myself. I came from a JW family whereby they were grooming me to be the next young elder appointed. Had an older brother who is a long time elder and father who was an elder since early 1950's who set the bar too high for me to jump over. I decided against " progressing " , " advancing " - whatever the powers to be want to call it - when I saw hypocrisy while serving as a ministerial servant for years in my 20's. But didn't stop attending for good until age 44 like your situation due to family concerns or reaction.
I think we each reach our breaking point in our own time indeed, and it seems you've reached yours as well. I respect that you want to be extremely cautious about how you accomplish this especially having your wife and extended family still in the organization. If I didn't know any better a secret part of me hopes that you're my older JW elder brother. ( Just joking, but halfway serious. ) Anyway I won't go down that road.
Welcome to freedom of mind and expression here on this board. I've been here over 10 years now and everybody has their story in how this organization the WT Society has either assisted in the breakup of their family due to the shunning process or caused them untold grief in many ways, some have lost in death relatives, i.e. parents, children, or spouses due to the no-blood transfusion policies, some rank & file JW's have been disfellowshipped due to standing up for children being molested within congregations by reporting it to police, other victims of child abuse have committed suicide due to not receiving " justice " in what they once thought was " Jehovah's loving organization " . The extent of injustices that are reeking of the smell of criminality within this organization are very comparable to what Leah Remini and Mike Rinder are exposing in the weekly show on A&E television regarding abuses in Scientology. If you get a chance I highly recommend that you watch that show and the comparisons will stagger you with what we've seen in the Jehovah's Witness organization.
Since many of us have exited the JW organization we have become " activists " of sorts. Some of us in a quiet sort of way chatting up JW's at the cart stands in a non-combative way in order to get them thinking about realities that the mind control indoctrination of WT won't let them ponder on due to " information control " tactics employed on them from WT leaders. Some of us leave news releases from the media in a clandestine way at grocery store information boards concerning WT child abuse offenses happening as most JW's sitting in a kingdom hall are not aware of the thousands of child abuse lawsuits being brought worldwide against the WT Society currently. So some of us are involved in exposing that. But mostly the best revenge is living a calm, peaceful life full of happiness after exiting the Witnesses. Which is what I've tried to do- successfully I might add ! Love playing guitar and writing songs now !
By being undercover as you are as an elder you have a fantastic opportunity within the position you are in to assist the stopping of unjust treatment of people within your own scope and geographical area in your congregation and neighboring congregations. Of course while remaining on the down low so you don't blow your cover. It's totally up to you how to process all of this and how to proceed in your future of course. I understand the need for privacy, confidentiality, and extreme caution. So I want to welcome you deeply to your freedom of mind and I offer my friendship and support to you as you seek clarity and reality within your inner life and outer life. I wish you all the best and keep researching and feeding your open mind . Critical thinking ability is not as bad as the WT Society has made it out to be. It can actually save our life ! LOL . Take care friend, sincerely, Peace out, Mr. Flipper