Saying hello for first time

by pimojw 61 Replies latest jw experiences

  • pimojw

    I have been sneakily looking at this forum, almost every day, ever since it began! It has taken me till now to actually register and contribute. (Actually I did register with a different name in the beginning but never commented).

    I am a pimo elder with a fairly long history of senior "positions" in the organization. I am very nervous about giving away my identity so I wont give any details. Over the years I have always had strong doubts, but at the same time was very sincere in my beliefs that Jehovah was using the organization. I am still a bit confused about what I believe. I enjoy reading meletivivlon's website, watching evolution v creation debates (and haven't decided which side I'm on), still read the bible most days for my own enjoyment, pray, but dismiss mentally almost all of the WT nonsense. I am happier than I ever was whilst being an "uber dub" (various forms of SFTS), but still a bit burnt out mentally and physically.

    That's basically where I am! Hope this will contribute in some way to my own healing, and that of others.

  • jookbeard

    welcome, always great to see an elder coming on here !

  • Half banana
    Half banana

    Welcome pimojw, join the clan! It only gets better mentally having escaped the JW mindset. Being a cult which needs humble, docile, obedient members, the org does not want you to go. Being awake means you can take the plunge to live an authentic life.

    All the best on your journey and do tell us more about your experience.

  • pimojw

    Thanks both of you for your immediate welcome! Yes, the sun seems to shine a lot more since I admitted to myself that the GB is not the faithful slave (and that there is no such entity as per their current "understanding").

  • Phoebe

    Hello pimojw... welcome!

    I'm fairly new here too and I also hung around a bit before going to ridiculous lengths to conceal my identity (i care less and less about that now tho!)

    This forum has been a life saver for me. So much love and support from everyone.

    Without giving to much details of yourself, we would love to hear more of your story.

    I also enjoy meletvivlon's website and read my bible and pray.

  • pimojw

    thanks again. its really difficult to know what to say without giving away my identity. my wife knows my doubts, and shares many of them, but i dont want her to know im on here either for now. i dont want to get caught as i dont want to lose my family, all very sincere "dubs" and lovely people (as are many jws)

    i am also going to ridiculous attempts at hiding myself. i have created a new email address (one that doesnt connect to my fone or other email), am hiding my ip address, using firefox on the private browsing setting, and sitting in the dark with tin foil on my head (some of that is actually true).

    re meleti's website, i dont know what i believe any more. wt has temporarily ruined faith for me. i would say i am more spiritual now than i ever have been (have even been dabbling in yoga!). i think i believe there is a benevolent being up there who started life. i love jesus as a character and believe he must have existed and had some wise words. i think there is a lot of truth in Buddhism etc too. i love the positive parts of the bible and many of its principles, but have to admit that basically you have to pick the nicer bits and apply them, ignoring the horrible bits! i would love to have the faith of meleti again. some days i think i should be taking the emblems, other days im an agnostic! (dont worry, im not mad. many who start taking the emblems do not think they are in a different class to the rest. they just see clearly that there is no earthly class in the bible, and all should take the emblems) im happier admitting that to myself than i was pretending the wt was right!

    its bad enough being an elder, and having to stand on the platform teaching things i dont believe, i can usually make sure i bring out what i do believe, and think is actually of practical benefit. in my previous "assignments" it became impossible.

  • Witness My Fury
    Witness My Fury

    if you havent already you might want to check out reddits exjw sub heck and while there shudder at the train wreck of thought control that is the jw sub.

  • punkofnice

    Welcome Pimy. We are a really mixed bunch of ex Jobos here. I for one am a reluctant atheist.

    I am very nervous about giving away my identity so I wont give any details.

    that's okay. you don't need to. No one will know who you are anyway.

    I look forward to your views.

    Now is the time to just take a deep breath and live.

    Edit to add - no need to rush headlong into things. Take your time.

  • ToesUp

    "I am happier than I ever was whilst being an "uber dub"

    Welcome! We are happier out than we ever were in. My spouse and I are born ins and faded 4 years ago. We have been told our life will now fail because we left the org. Not so, freedom is fantastic.

    We don't know what to believe anymore either. It's tough to realize everything you have been taught is not true.

    This forum has been a great help to us. We hope it will be for you as well.

    Move slow. You will be surprised where you may be mentally in a year or two. We are in a totally different place than were we were 4 years ago.

  • pale.emperor

    Welcome pimojw!!

    I've been awake about 3 years, DA'd 15 months ago (then DF'd anyway for "apostasy"). I claimed Jesus was the mediator for all mankind, GB said otherwise. So that made me the apostate. You couldn't make it up could you?

    When i first left i was like you are now, not really sure what to believe. Although im now an atheist, i love many things the Buddha said, many are strikingly similar to Jesus words but pre-date him by 500 years. A great book to read is Teachings Of The Buddha.

    It's great once you get to live your life on your own terms. I have a friend who is an ex-elder. Really great to see you here. As regards to identity, sometimes we change the town, names, dates etc in our stories to keep our privacy. (Although personally, im more than happy for people to know my city).

Share this