So today this happened...

by Phoebe 21 Replies latest jw friends

  • Phoebe

    You all pretty much know my story so I won't repeat it but...

    to say I'm being hounded by my local congregation is an understatement. Today the COBE finally found us in. Well, I refused to answer the door but my husband did. I've been pretty much sticking to my story of: 'Thank you for your concern but please leave me alone, I have post traumatic stress and anxiety to deal with, I can't discuss anything with you right now.'

    But, today, my husband decided to tell the COBE a thing or two so he spoke to him about the ARC, Jeffrey Jackson, Candice Conti and so on. To which he got told he shouldn't believe all he reads, the internet is full of lies, the cobe had never heard of any of it and basically it was all apostate lies and none of this abuse ever happened. My husband said the cobe wouldn't believe any of it, then the cobe said the organization were super hot on child abuse now, there was so much being done to protect kids at conventions etc.

    And then the cobe told him going to the meetings was a command from Jehovah and I should be going because I am now disobeying God blah blah. On and on he went. So that's the second time I've now been told I'm disobeying Jehovah in the past week or so.

    Honestly, what do I have to do to make them leave me alone? I live in a tiny town and I'm already negotiating my way around it like a ninja!

    I'm thinking ghillie suit...what do you think?

  • ttdtt

    Just keep ignoring them, putting them off, and not giving them any ammunition.

    Eventually, the will give up.

    Stay strong!

  • Splash

    There's a sad irony when someone who believes everything he reads tells you not to believe everything you read.

  • redvip2000

    Well if you looking to fade away, then what your husband did is not a good plan. You simply need to tell them you have some sort of depression and want to be left alone.

    If they come around, it's actually better to open the door, say it in one or two sentences, then close the door. Don't entertain more conversation, or let them in. Instead, a quick blurb and close the door, even if they want to talk more. If they come back again, be more forceful and tell them they are being disrespectful about giving you space to heal, and that they are not welcomed at this point, then close the door. Pretty sure this will work.

    Not opening the door, usually makes them come back, until they make contact.

  • Gorbatchov

    The Bethel reprentative said at our convention that the organization is the most transparant and open organization about child abuse 🤔

    And then said "reporters praise our organization for how we protect our children, and call it unique".

    I exploded on my chair and said loud to my wife "they are crooks".


  • ToesUp

    If you ignore them and don't give them ANYTHING, they will eventually give up on you. They are loosing interest in us because we are boring and they can't get anything from us. JW's love knowing everything about you, you don't owe them anything. YOU ARE IN CHARGE!!!!

    My spouse found a great quote the other day: "silence is often misinterpreted, but never misquoted."

  • Dagney

    Phoebe - how did you respond to the "command from Jehovah" statement about going to meetings?

    I had a message left on all 3 of my phones from a JW, former elder, who has kept in touch with me a few times a year since I left. Usually the convo goes okay, but I get agita every time I see his name pop up on my phone. I am wondering if he is going to do the same to me...try to get me back to meetings.

    Seriously, I shouldn't be this nervous. I gotta get a grip.

  • cobweb

    Hey Phoebe,

    I think your husband left the witnesses a long time ago, so the fact that he said these things does not necessarily reflect on you. It could just be his opinions couldn't it, and not your ones. It probably isn't a good idea for him to say these things all the same, if you are trying to fade out, as they may suspect you share these same issues.

    The line you are trying to take is the right one. Post traumatic stress and anxiety are good excuses, as is depression, mental fatigue etc. As long as nothing you say smells of apostasy, criticism, looking at the internet etc. You said that you were planning to be firm and and ask them to leave you alone as you need space to try to sort out your issues, so they do not give you shepherding calls. This is all the correct approach, so you are doing it all right. Just maybe, talk to your husband, and instruct him in future not to engage with them again and not to let them in next time. I am sure it was hard for him to bite his tongue today, it is very understandable, but it is a bit counter-productive for you, if you want to fade rather than DA or be DF. It could be quite easy for him to accidentally let something slip about your views, so non engagement is best.

  • steve2

    Is your lovely husband aware that he could be landing you right in it? He may choose to speak out - but has he considered the impact on you? Time for some checking in together, huh?

  • vienne

    you might consider a restraining order. media would love that.

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