Posts by HiddenQuestioner

71

Quick survey for apostates - please everyone just yes or no answer

by slimboyfat in

jw
friends

do the other witnesses with whom you associate/once associated in general know that you are an apostate or have apostate inclinations?

the reason for the phrase "in general" is that it may be the case that one or two close friends know how you feel, but others in general do not.

in my own case, one other witness knows, but no one else, so i would answer the survey question with a "no".

Why can't you just move on?

by atypical in

jw
friends

that's what my wife said to me the night before last.

i was making an observation about the way my family and other jws in my life are constantly trying to get me to go to a meeting or read an awake, but they never want to sit down and address the questions i have raised to them.

she then asked me why i can't just move on.

HiddenQuestioner

"When I bring anything negative up, I can see her face get steely and determined. She gives one word generic answers, and then remains silent. I realized that instead of thinking about what I am saying, she is viewing my comments as opposition"

Yes, I too can relate to this very well and hense my strategy has been to.........

"try not to say anything and keep my opinions to myself also, but how do you do that and not let them take the silence as agreeable acknowledgement."

Yes, this in tough and I am not sure how much longer I can keep quite, but I need to in order to keep the peace. Meanwhile, I just continue to go through the JW motions as.......

"You can't just leave the WTS. Because I'm fading, I feel bound by rules that I don't believe in; I'm unable to ask the questions I want to ask and read the things I want to read."

Everytime my wife says anything scriptural around me and gets a different answer than she's looking for she gets all upset........I also at the same time cant give in to her and live a lie. Its really a hard life to live.

Right now I am living a lie and I am fading fast, but my "dedicated" JW wife doesn't know this yet. So I, along with all of you, live in this constaint pain of emotions. For me I'm in but I'm out all at the same time. as I only attend meetings to get some level of spirituality and to please her. Thus, I am now starting to agree with the following viewpoint......

It is my opinion that at some point you will slip up and say something that will put the "apostate" label on you. Once that happens it's over- your wife will stop the dialogue. It's sad, but we are just outside observers in this marital death spiral- we don't see many JW spouses who are able to stay married to a spouse who openly leaves the org.

Yes, it is just a matter of time before I "slip". Then what will happen I just don't know....

55

Jehovah's INEFFECTIVE Witness...(Why no TV ministry???)

by Terry in

jw
friends

what if i asserted the following as true?

the watchtower bible and tract society has no interest in an effective evangelical program of conversion.. would that sound silly?

disfellowshipping would lead to having a big target placed on the ex jw's back at armageddon.. .

HiddenQuestioner

Can I suggest Billboards instead of TV?

This issue of needing to use the best in message delivery has always been a sore point with me in my 30+ years of door to door activity i.e. generally 3 hours a month.

I can clearly remember as a young lad as I went from door to door thinking if we have such a life saving message why no Billboards plastered along the highways warning people of the coming BIG A

Hence I have always been HQ..the HiddenQuestioner

41

What has hurt you the most for being a JW?

by MsMcDucket in

jw
friends

.

or what do you regret most about being a jw?.

for me it's being alienated by my twin daughters.

HiddenQuestioner

Now it’s my turn. (Sorry in advance for the long rant)

My harm was divorce JW-style and its aftermath. Because of the strict JW rules on divorce and the fact that unfaithfulness can be used as the excuse for divorce, it was easy for my 1 st wife to cash in on the marriage and our real estate equity (built up over 10+ years). Raised a JW and being an idealist I waited until my late 20s to find love with that “special person” to share eternity with. So, I fell deeply in love with this attractive woman who could charm the socks off any man. Both of us being in the “truth” caused me to trust her and I tried my very best to be the good loving Christian husband and Dub I had been taught to be. In fact, everyone seemed to acknowledge our love for each other, as we all thought (including myself) that we were very happy throughout our 10-year marriage.

Looking back I realize I had a target on me, as she knew I was a horny, trusting, naive Dub who brought to the marriage a large new house, equity and a good job. I saw her as the girl of my dreams that I could rescue from, what I was told, was a previous “unfaithful brother” JW marriage to a new one of worldwide work related travel with me. So, over the next 10 years I proceeded to shower her with love, devotion, trips, good friends, a beautiful home and an open check book. In return I got the great feeling of being in a loving relationship with my best friend. Hence, being betrayed by your best friend companion was/is hard to take.

In the end it was the Borg’s policy of “divorce possible for unfaithfulness” that became the easy “tool” for my wife to invite 3 elders to our house so as to feed the elders and her invited father’s sick minds (i.e. your guilty until proven innocent). Her crying “act” before elders was enough to convince them of my guilt. Later, her other JW family members and friends were feed the same sick lies about my morality and everyone was quick to believe (some claiming I was gay). This slander left me homeless (she demanded the house be sold), without the wife/friend I thought I had, angry, hurt, alone, feeling worthless, my life in shambles and somehow feeling guilty for a “crime” I did not commit.

Then came the years of forced celibacy, as I tried to fulfill the JW mandate of singleness until I could prove HER unfaithfulness, if ever. It was hell, as people looked at me as if I had leprosy. This game of sexual and relationship chicken resulted in me caving in to an aggressive sister who became my 2 nd wife. I am still trying to recover from my losses, the loss of my ex-wife and her large extended family, which once loved and respected me. And all this is emotional turmoil and baggage that may be damaging my 2 nd marriage. I wonder how many other JWs have been betrayed and “played a fool” like me.

35

Comments You Will Not Hear at the 2-5-06 WT Study (Trust)

by blondie in

comments you will not hear at the 02-0o5-06 wt study (january 1, 2006 issue, pp.

review comments will be in red.

wt material from today's wt will be in black.

HiddenQuestioner

Here's my 2 cents worth. I went to this study today and, besides agreeing with a lot of the previous postings on this thread, I couldn't help but notice all the times "serve Jehovah" was encouraged when not once is attention given to "worshiping Jehovah". My view is worship to God comes first and it is through that worship that certain people (not all) might be compelled to do more such as some measure of "service". That said if one just stops at the worshiping part then that should in of itself NOT condemn a person. Many have valid reasons for not being able to do more and there is no need to use guilt, fear and shame to compel people to serve. Once the worship part is fulfilled those who CAN serve God mostly likely will and will do so in productive ways that fall within their spiritual and emotional limits.

Also, why is it assumed that higher ed is pursued only for materialistic pursuits? I know of many, including myself, that have pursed higher ed not for money, fame, material goods but to work at an occupation that interests me, stimulates me, is challenging and emotionally rewarding that I both enjoy and that both contributes to my self esteem and contributes to the well-being of my fellow man. For me, money is neither the priority nor the goal. There is no reason therefore to assume unchristian attitudes always exist when it comes to a desire for education and I resent the inference.

38

To all active JWs or double life JWs

by NowImFree in

one of the previous posts made me wonder how many active jws post on this site and how many of you are only in because not wanting to lose your family and you are leading a double life and also how many of you are still active but questioning.

please, all of you, i would like to hear your stories (of course not enough info to give away your identity) and why you are still in.

i think a lot of us that are out would be interested.. nowimfree.

HiddenQuestioner

Right now I’m in and trying to figure out a way to stay in. Why? - to keep peace with my wife who is a 100% devoted JW wife. I attend most meetings and even gave the prayer at tonight’s book study. I am a spiritual man and think that I can “cream skim” the needed spiritual aspects for my benefit while discarding the bad. But it’s getting difficult. To show how one’s life can be trapped by the WT mindset, my wife and I are concerned over finances and my job right now and just today she says we should do more to serve so that Jehovah will bless us and fix our problems. Hence, if I reveal that I actually want to do less, then from that point on any failure in our finances and problems at work will be because I failed to meet Jehovah’s expectations and I don’t need that confrontation. Anyway, I going to try to keep this up, putting in my measly 3 hours a month as I try to balance marriage, finances, career, hypocrisy, guilt and shame. Thanks for letting me vent.

35

Whose been ripped off financially by his JW brother?

by Spectrum in

i posted this in another thread but it is more relevant here.

i worked for jw doing back breaking work for a while only to be told by another jw that he was ripping me of - he was paying me half the going rate.

i was only 17 and naive didn't know anything about the world of work.

HiddenQuestioner

Thank you for the kind words. Here's some more info........

"Although, there's no way someone would lock me out of MY house." Answer: I was on an out of town project at the time and had to leave. It was when I returned that I found myself locked out and legally unable to be in or near my house.

"What did she use in court to prove it? Or did she have to? Some states automatically award 1/2, regardless of the reason." Answer: Yes, I was in a no fault state where you automatically get 1/2. Her legal reason and filing for Divorce was for " irreconcilable differences". He JW reason was; I was screwing around, which I wasn't.

35

Whose been ripped off financially by his JW brother?

by Spectrum in

i posted this in another thread but it is more relevant here.

i worked for jw doing back breaking work for a while only to be told by another jw that he was ripping me of - he was paying me half the going rate.

i was only 17 and naive didn't know anything about the world of work.

HiddenQuestioner

I sometimes think that the WBT$ provides some of the best “tools” for the best of cons. Take for example the well known, justified and broadly accepted excuse JWs have for Divorce – UNFAITHFULNESS - and how that concept can be used to easily extort money and goods.

I consider my ex wife a great con, who married me for my real estate equity and some thrown in worldwide travel (my business took me around the world) and then, when the asset value in real estate and material things was high enough, simply cashed in by inviting three elders and her father over to the house (without telling me), accused me of being unfaithful by passing around my underwear at our dinning room table and crying her little eyes out. Even thought the surprised elders said that she didn’t have enough evidence, this little “act” was enough to convince her father, family and friends that I was unfaithful and I was immediately thrown out of my house of 7 years never to return, locks changed, restraining order filed against me and “at the end of the day” she received ½ of all “our” personal property and a nice big fat check for $20,000!!!

She ended up returning to her hometown, where she was greeted “with open arms” as the victim. In this episode, I lost my wife (who, up to then, showed no signs of betrayal and I considered her my best friend and lover), my house, her family and those JW friends who chose to believe her story. The elders even sent a letter to her new KH saying she was in good standing!

Am I still angry, hurt and bitter even though this happened 15 years ago? – You bet I am!!!

48

How does Shunning feel?

by DaveNwisconsin in

just curious as i had never really been a true jehovah witness.

i would think that you make friends and suddenly you don't exist.

i would think a board like this is a true godsend.

HiddenQuestioner

Let me through my two cents in. Shunning can also happen when you have done nothing wrong and you are doing everything you can to be good.

I believe that the WTS mentality that is fostered caused the R&F (with the support of the elders) to go around constantly judging people. And make snap judgements at that!.

For instance, I remember being scripturally free to remarry and visiting my hometown for a weekend. At a restaurant I ran into an elder from the Hall I used to attend (about two years earlier) when I was in this town. Anyway, when I saw him with his wife he had two sisters at the table with him. I approach their table and said hello. He and his wife were friendly enough and we talked about the oncoming assembly. What amazed me was that in the course of the 15-minute exchange, not once did they introduce their two friends at the table to me. As we talked I kept waiting and nothing happened. So I finished talking to the two of them said goodbye without ever knowing who the other two witness sisters were.

As I thought about this lack of good manners, I came to the realization that in just those 15 minutes the elder and his wife had made the conscience judgment that I was not fit (for whatever reason) to be introduced to two other people in this world and made the shunning decision to not allow me (or them) to know who we are.

How sad.

36

What made you lose your joy in serving Jehovah?

by JH in

jw
friends

we all started off as happy witnesses, except for those dragged into this religion by force as kids.. in my case, i found that there were way too many meetings.

then seeing the new system being constantly pushed back, and finally when i saw a lack of true love in the congregation.

and when they hinted that probably there wouldn't be any sex and marriage for the resurrected ones.

HiddenQuestioner

Ditto to Willow's comments. I feel exactly the same way.