My dad ways had the "kingdom hall personality". A total asshole that turned into a total sweetheart when he put the suit on and went to the meeting. Drove my mom crazy.
dubstepped
JoinedPosts by dubstepped
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"Put on the JW uniform - and take off Humanity"
by stuckinarut2 inwe all know about the variation in the "cult persona vs the "real persona" of those in high control groups such as jws.. it struck me this becomes even more pronounced and apparent when jws actually put on their physical meeting or service attire, or are engaged in jw activities.
they become more robotic as their responses and actions - yes their opinions and discussions- are stripped of humanity and thought, and they become turned into some sort of regurgitating jw orator.. when they literally put on a suit or tie, the level of judgement, arrogance and black and white thinking takes on a whole new level.
take that clothing off, and put them in casual attire to attend some sort of enjoyable activity (eg sports watching or the like) and they become far more relaxed, and "normal".. i have noticed this particularly with my father.
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dubstepped
Suits
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Can we ever get our loved ones out?
by SnakesInTheTower ina post on another thread got me to thinking and writing.. should we even be trying to get our loved ones out of jehovah's witnesses?.
when a person truly believes in their belief system, or even if they don't but have held to that system for a long time, there is nothing we can say that will move them from that system.. why?
perhaps pride.
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dubstepped
Nice post. It's not our job to save anyone. We can't for the most part, it's up to them. It may put them in a bad place if they did wake up. They get to live their life, and I get to live mine. I never expect to see them again. If I do it's a bonus, almost a resurrection of sorts, as I'm dead to them and they're pretty much dead to me.
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I Got My Best Friend Back
by Saethydd inyesterday morning i woke up to an incredibly unexpected text message on my phone.
my best friend from before i was disfellowshipped had sent me a really long message.
he apologized for the way things had been and told me how much he missed me, and then he told he respected my decision, that he understood and didn't harbor any bad feelings against me for it, that all he wants is for me to be happy.. i responded to his message and told him that if he wanted me to explain my reasons i would, but that we needn't discuss them if he would rather not.
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dubstepped
Wow, miracles DO happen. Congrats man, I'm happy for you. I also think that he just showed something about himself. I'm interested to see where this goes over time.
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New Episode - V - Shunning In A Racist Family Cult
by dubstepped inthis episode features a fascinating interview with someone that was raised in a racist family cult.
it was very small, just 14 people or so in actuality, but the teachings of the leader were found online and attracted a lot of alt-right and neo-nazi supporters that were drawn to it.
this is a look into the literal life cycle of a cult.
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dubstepped
This episode features a fascinating interview with someone that was raised in a racist family cult. It was very small, just 14 people or so in actuality, but the teachings of the leader were found online and attracted a lot of alt-right and neo-nazi supporters that were drawn to it. This is a look into the literal life cycle of a cult. It shows how it began, how it eventually came to an end, but how even then the beliefs still linger, which is the power of a cult. Last month's episode really shined a light on the narcissism present in Jehovah's Witnesses, and this episode shows how one narcissist can impact so many people's lives, and how narcissism breeds narcissism among the group.
We will not be using this guest's name. She picked a letter to go by so we'll call her V. I will also not be releasing the name of the cult or the website that was used. We live in a world right now that is more concerned with hunting people down based on what a person said years ago than they are looking at who a person is now. My guest has been impacted in this current climate, where employment can be affected based on affiliation with a thing at one point in a person's life simply because they were raised in it. I'm not a proponent of outrage culture and I'm not here to cause problems for people. V should be applauded for her present and not punished for her past. She showed bravery and the willingness to be vulnerable in telling us all about her life.
You can download and listen on your podcast app of choice (iTunes, Apple Podcast, Google Play, Podcast Republic, Podbean, etc.). I personally use Podcast Republic.
You can also listen at https://shunnedpodcast.com/episode-twenty-one-v-practiced-shunning-in-her-racist-family-cult/ by using the player there.
Or you can listen on Youtube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKlQ6Q03n3M&t=3s
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"The Branch did not approve of us to get a video security system"
by James Jack inthis was the reply i was given by our coordinator at our recent kingdom hall security meeting.. he explained that they aren't allowed to buy any appliances or do any changes to the kingdom hall without branch approval.
"we put in our letter that a video security system could be purchased for around $600 locally and an app could be downloaded for the attendants to monitor the cameras what's going onoutside.
" they said;" such a system would not be needed in our area of the country, if standard protocols of security are followed as outline by the branch.
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dubstepped
Sounds like someone has about $600 they need to be sending off. We'll be watching for it. Thanks, your brothers, blah blah blah.
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Interview with an Apostate: Syme
by Syme ini was born in a south european country 35 years ago; stopped being a jw a few years ago, and now pursuit an academic career.
my parents are still in.
i was never married, but am now in a loving relationship.
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dubstepped
Great stuff there! The wisdom regarding boundaries is something we all have to learn, especially if we want to keep JWs in our lives.
I too struggle with the death thing. I disassociated 3 years ago and coming to terms with death has been hard. I accept it intellectually, but not emotionally. A finite end is hard to imagine once you've bought the infinite narrative for your entire life.
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Am I shunned here?
by caves inlately i been sifting though my many emotions after being here on this site.
i feel ive been all over the map just trying to come to grips with the information.
but through all this i feel i'm shunned here as of late due to my (all over the place =-ness).
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dubstepped
What's irking you my friend? You know you can email me or message me anytime. :)
Okay, I'm heading out to pick up a member of this forum up from the airport as she's visiting my wife and I for a few days, but I'll respond as I have time.
Many here have been out for a long time. We're not somehow stronger, we're just veterans.
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Thankful for our community of friends!
by stuckinarut2 ini just wanted to express a sincere thanks for the amazing community of friends we have built up thanks to sites like this.. the genuine people we can now call true friends is outstanding.. to all those who are newly awakening, or are just starting to contemplate a life outside of the jw bubble, please be reassured that you will indeed make good friends if you put yourself out there.. true,not every ex-jw will be an instant friend.
you will not click with everyone.
but as with life in general, if you put in the effort, a new circle of genuine friends exist out there!.
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dubstepped
Absolutely! And I want to say that it's beyond the ex-JW community. You can make friends anywhere. Put yourself out there, accept invitations to things, and although it's uncomfortable at first just go. We've made so many friends doing this.
Also, a word of advice from someone on my podcast that really struck me with this. We all came from the same dysfunctional environment so we're often deficient in the same ways. It's important to make friends outside the ex-JW community that can help us be more "normal", that can stretch us and help us grow in new ways.
Still, there's nothing like being able to talk about this stuff with people that get us on a level that no outsider can ever do.
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Disassociation experiences please
by UnshackleTheChains inhi everyone.. i would love to collate the experiences of those who decided to disassociate.
the reason i am asking this question is that i have been in turmoil for a very long time as to whether i remain a fader or whether to bring closure on my membership with the watchtower organisation.. it is for this reason i would like to read about some of the experiences of those on this forum who went down the route of disassociation.
if could answer the following.
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dubstepped
How long did it take you to decide to disassociate?
Well, that's hard to answer, but let's just say less than a year. It all kind of happened organically. We made the decision to travel and visit my disfellowshipped brother and took a stand which made both my family and my wife's distance themselves from us. You might say shun, especially on my wife's family's part. We visited him in May I think. We disassociated in September. We had talked about it before and just wanted the stench of the name Jehovah's Witnesses off of us the more we learned about the organization, and the more we learned about emotional and mental health and how detrimental that environment was for many, including us. We knew we didn't want to even be mistaken as a JW anymore.
So for us we didn't want to play games. We hadn't been to a meeting in over a year during the process of waking up more and more and made a pact that if elders started calling on us for any reason we'd just disassociate. They called, we didn't answer. They then came by the house. We disassociated. We took a stand when we got baptized and went in, and we took a stand when we left.How has this impacted on you?
It's like instant freedom. You never have to look over your shoulder, can celebrate whatever you want, can be whoever you want, and you don't have to play their stupid games. No more pretending.
Has your mental health in any way been affected since you disassociated? Eg if being shunned by family.
Yes. I was a depressed and anxious JW and after disassociating that pretty much all went away. I still get anxious from time to time, as is my nature, but living in that JW environment and being inauthentic to keep up appearances and everything is mentally and emotionally unhealthy. My wife is much happier too. I remember a client of ours noticing my wife one day and he remarked that she just looked lighter, like she was carrying a heavy backpack and put it down.
Do any of your current JW relatives associate with you? And if so to what degree?
No. My dad died 6 months later. I was invited to see him one last time at hospice. JWs refused to be present if I was there and left when I arrived. I wanted to show my mom and dad a good example of real love and to be the better person. It felt good in the moment but as soon as I left that building I was instantly shunned again. I was not invited to the funeral service. In retrospect I regret going. It was just a mind fuck. My mom will die without my participation in any way. I'm dead to her already. So let's just call it what it is, it's over unless she wakes up someday.
I saw my brother and his wife at a concert. I walked up and said hi. He and his wife said "h", couldn't quite get the "i" part out, turned blood red, and then both turned their heads to the side. So yeah, total shunning.My wife and I sent goodbye letters at the same time of our disassociation letters. My mom replied to mine in a pretty good way. Nobody else replied. My wife never heard one peep from her family since we saw my brother that one time. Nothing. No response to the letters she sent or anything.
Do you feel your life is better now that you are completely free of the watchtower?
Absolutely. Our lives are wonderful. Sure, there are new challenges. We both have to figure out who we are outside the cult, how that impacts our relationship, etc. But we get to be us. We get to be free to figure things out. We have so many friends we can't keep up. We've had so many people rally around us, so many beautiful experiences. I am a better person, and so is my wife. Just letting go of the judgment of being a JW, the constant chatter in your head about what you're doing and what others might think or that you might get in "trouble", etc. is so freeing. We can spend our weekends as we like, work when we like doing whatever we want, go on trips when we want, don't have to answer to pushy JW family for anything because they have no boundaries, and so much more.
I've also taken my experience and shared my story on one podcast, and now I started a second one where I help others to tell their stories of being shunned. I have a Facebook group with friends of the podcast in it and we encourage one another and help one another grow as people, and support people that are leaving. In fact, one member just disassociated over the weekend. We all celebrated with him. I'm looking at becoming a professional coach to help even more, and have people wanting me to look into starting a foundation to help more people, which I'm also looking into. I'm turning a negative into a positive.Do you ever get panic attacks about Armageddon or that you left "the truth"?
I'll be honest here. When I disassociated I did so because of the organization, but on some level I still believed they had Biblical truth. Sites like this helped me to dissect that over the next 6 months. I'm now an atheist and I've been out 3 years. Anyway, so although I couldn't buy that Jehovah was going to destroy me in a fiery Armageddon because I thought they were a bit too strong on their perceptions of that, I still had those programmed fears in me. My first instinct was for my brain to ping and bring up fear when something like a situation with North Korea or something like that would happen. It was more the "what if they were right" phenomenon. Over time as I dissected the beliefs, then the Bible itself, all of that went away. As I said, I'm naturally an anxious person anyway, so I'll admit to having some instant twinges when something would happen but certainly not panic attacks, and they were just programmed responses that took a minute to get past. I no longer feel those whatsoever.
I'll finish with this. Disassociation is a bell that you cannot un-ring. In the end, I don't think that most people are ever truly ready when they do it, but it pays off immediately. Even when we did it the act was nerve wracking which is why most people won't do it. They use all kinds of reasoning to get around it, and I get it, not everyone can take that stand. Some would rather keep playing the game to keep family. If their families are that great and accepting of them then more power to them. If they're not, more power to them anyway. It's their life, their decision. This is your life, and it's your decision.
I am an advocate for disassociation unless your family is willing to accept you celebrating holidays and being you in every way as you explore life. If you have that rare breed of JW family, then by all means do your thing and fade away. Some can. Good for them. If your family can't tolerate you not being, or at least pretending to be, a carbon copy of them, they are toxic and you can't live your life for other people and be truly happy. Have no fear leaving them behind. It's not without pain, but neither are the benefits of exercise or a budget or many other things that are good for us ultimately.