I think this is pretty common - several times on this forum I've read people talking about all the effort they put in to fade only to eventually end up avoiding all contact with their former friends anyway because you find that you really have so little in common with them anymore. I don't think there's necessarily anything wrong with it...and I suspect in most cases it's nothing like the shunning JWs do - if a former friend called you up and needed help you'd probably still be there for them and not lecture them on religious nonsense and tell them its their fault you haven't been around, etc, etc.
The alternative to "reverse shunning" as some have called it is to set healthy boundaries in your relationships. The cult trained us not to have any boundaries - everyone was constantly in everyone else's business. In the cult you can't have boundaries because you have to constantly be evaluating whether someone is good association or whether you have to report them to the elders to "help" them. We were also trained to give up personal information at the drop of a hat - nothing was private. If you want to have a relationship with people that are still in the cult, you'll have to learn how to set boundaries for yourself and stick to them.
You can do this a couple ways - the most subtle way is simply compartmentalize your life and not talk about things that they're likely to lecture you about, and then change the subject any time they start going in to cult talk. You can vary how obvious you make the subject change if they don't pick up on it at first...it will usually make the other person a little uncomfortable to have an abrupt change of subject that you stick to, and that's something that people will often learn to avoid and they'll avoid the subjects that you're avoiding. Stick to your guns (it'll be more difficult at first than you might think) and this can work.
If the more subtle approach doesn't work you can always face it head on - "I love you and I value our relationship, but I'd really prefer if we didn't discuss X." You don't have to tell them why you don't want to talk about it. Again, stick to your guns and if they force the issue terminate the conversation. It's not the same at all to the cult shunning - they don't shun those who only constantly try to get them to read "apostate" stuff, they shun any apostate regardless of whether they're actively flaunting that they're apostate.
It will take time and patience and commitment. People fall into their roles by habit and if you want to change the role someone's playing you'll often get push back as they try to get you to go back to the role you used to play. Often this push back will be strongest right before they finally break and give in to the realization that you're not going to get pulled back into your old ways and they'll have to adjust. It'll be hard for you to not fall into your habitual role too, though, so you'll have to stick with it consciously. This is something that might be worth working with a therapist/counselor on, as they can be very helpful in providing an objective viewpoint.
In the end it may not work with everyone, and you may lose some relationships. But you gave it a fair chance and you're only losing the people who are too stubborn and don't value you enough to adjust to you setting healthy boundaries and telling them what you need out of the relationship. When that's the case, then all you'd ever have is a one-sided relationship anyway, and those aren't worth anything to you.
