by Scully 53 Replies latest social family
Maybe we should start disfellowshipping them, by sending them a Registered Letter to state that we are going to shun them and exclude them from our lives for their unloving and unchristian behaviour.
My friend did this. She even went so far as to tell them what steps they had to take if they wanted "reinstated" back in her life.
"Well, they are your parents too. You should feel obligated to contribute something!"
Actually Brenda, my parents (I don't really get your reply, it's not 'other people' I am talking to) said that they understood how I felt.
However, if it were another family member (which it couldn't be because none of them talk to me), and they said that to me, I would respond this way,,,
"Oh really, why? They didn't feel obligated to allow me to share the celebration, so why would I give them a gift?"
Guilt trips don't work with me. Period.
Refusal to play the passive-aggressive 'you did this to me, so I am doing that to you' game works every time. It prevents misunderstandings, and people know exactly where they stand. Sometimes people get angry, but I prefer that it's above-board, rather than sitting around trying to second-guess motives. They also know that when I give a gift, or a compliment, it comes from the heart, and is not done because I am trying to get something in return for it.
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The next time you're asked for $$$, don't and give your reasons so that you don't get asked again.
DY
A few years back, my sister actually sent me an invitation to my nephew's wedding. However, I neither attended nor sent money. Awhile before that, I had emailed him and tried to talk to him regarding my reason for leaving the WTS and my divorce from his "uncle". Well, he very firmly told me not to ever try contacting him again, so, I figured why should I bother attending his wedding. Why put my self thru the stress, etc. I don't feel guilty at all about not sending them any of my hard earned money. They've never called or written. I've even asked for updated pics from his mom and she told me that she can't do it. Screw them. However, I do send money to my mom, as she does talk to me and has never abandoned me.
You should feel obligated to contribute something!
This is a side question. Is it just my low self esteem JW mother or is it other JWs too that espouse the idea of everlasting obligation?
By that I mean the concept that if someone does something nice for you once, you are forever obligated to do nice things in return...you are never "square"....you will always "owe" them something.
Howdy rebel8-
Couldn't help but think of the words, "I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
neither are you here to live up to mine." Think by Brother Peter (Tosh).
Very profound.
is this an American thing? - no-one in the family ever asked me for money towards a gift.
My first impression was to feel just a teeny bit of the outrage but then it got me thinking.
They reject you due to stupid watchtower rules - but there is no reason to reject them as you don't play that game anymore. They don't love you less, they just are confused by silly manmade ideas, you shouldn't love them less for their acceptance of a silly doctrine. Maybe you should give the money / gift just because you still love them despite the WT. One day they may open the door to you again - it would be a shame if there was another door there that you made.
..then I got thinking some more. I'm a blinkin hypocrite since my Dad doesn't 'really' talk to me anymore (lives in Australia, hates my beliefs, picks holes in me whenever we do talk etc..) and I avoid all contact where possible ( I don't read his few vitriolic letters either) and I actually want that barrier there - I'd really be happy to never see / hear from him again.
I guess its totally your choice - do you want to feel love for them or are you happy to keep that door closed..
is this an American thing? - no-one in the family ever asked me for money towards a gift
Maybe your family just has better manners and respect for etiquette than ours do.
Honestly, if I'm to be excluded from all the other family social events, why only include me when it's in the best interest of their pocketbook? How hypocritical is that? How RUDE can a person be?
