by ithinkisee 89 Replies latest members private
wow you did good..
i think you should point out to her that you ARE taking the spiritual lead by investigating the religion that you are exposing your family to.
it is your family's life that your concerned about after all.. you want to make sure you are following God and not men..
it shouldnt be wrong to ask questions, it shouldnt be wrong to investigate..its only wrong if there is something to hide.
Her role as a "christian" wife is to submit to your headship - not to snipe at you for not "leading": her where she wanted to go.
Exactly! My ex was the same - always accusing me of "not taking the lead spiritually." To her, "taking the lead" involved conducting the family study the way she liked - looking up every scripture so that a simple watchtower study could last 3 hours. What normal person has the time to do that for every meeting?
People have called me a poor communicator, but I disagree. When something needs to be communicated I have no problem opening my mouth, and I make my point in as few words as possible. I simply prefer a little quiet from time to time, not incessent yapping about nothing, or repeating oneself ad nauseum. A person is not necessarily a poor communicator simply because they refrain from expressing every thought that comes to mind. But thoughts that concern other family members need to be communicated in a timely manner.
My thoughts are with you, but I won't try to advise you about dealing with the aftermath. My technique was not a good one.
W
wow that is tough
(((((((ithinkisee and wifey)))))))
Well Nate took some of the words right out of my mouth.
As I've dealt with this in my home and talking to one elder I found myself saying:
"Who told me to lie to my neighbors and my children?"
"Who had me teach them that the generation that saw 1914 would see the end in no uncertain terms?" "Did that turn out to be truth?" "And if not truth what is it - it's a lie" "So would get up every saturday and drive around and spread this lie and you want to tell me that I'm at fault for questioning the WT?"
"The Catholic church didn't tell me to lie to my kids and neighbor did they?"
I would let your wife know that you aren't happy with your kids being lied to and that "new light" does in fact sugar coat the fact that "old truths" are nothing more than unfilled lies.
God Speed to you.
I FEEL your pain. My wife and I have also been dancing around these very issues for the past year. Last year I blatantly told her that we had been raised in a cult, and that I wished she wasn't so weak minded. That resulted in her leaving and going to her parents for a week. We did work it out, I apologized for treading on her faith. We left it undiscussed until about 3 weeks ago.
I really identified with how you said your wife asked where you got that information from. My wife did the same thing. They have to find ANYTHING they can to discredit your sources. Otherwise you might be right. Not that it's a contest, but that is how the WTS trains us. Everytime we talk she immediatly wants to know what my sources are. As if I've stumbeled into some vast apostate conspiracy. I finally ordered Crisis of Conscience 1 week ago and read it in front of her. Everytime I would read something revealing, I'd read it to her. I think she's starting to understand.
The biggest problem I've encountered, and it sounds like you are having it too, is a wifes belief that because her husband is leaving the WTS he is leaving her. Almost like as soon as you cross the line, you'er gonna turn into some heathen. I've tried at great length to convince my wife that a man can still love God, and his family, apart from the WTS. That he can still apply Biblical principles in life and marriage without the Governing Body.
I think you've done a good thing! Life is too short to live a lie, and if she really loves you she'll understand someday.
ithinkisee,
You gave her a lot to think about. She sounds like a person who can put two and two together, even if it is painful for her. Best wishes to the both of you.
SNG
Sounds like the same stuff I went through 10 years ago. I was married for 18 years but I was never really into the whole Dub crap after their broken promises of 1975. I know my ex said to me, Why did you marry me if you were not a JW? I could have thrown back at her as to why she married me to as she never really loved me and only married me because she felt obligated. She thought that if we both were doing the good Jdub crap that everything would work out and we would both fall madly in love. Seems like she was putting the cart ahead of the horse. Well I stayed in a loveless marriage for 18 years, just doing my duty.
If you are not sharing the same beliefs, it is pretty hard to keep going unless she is willing to accept you for who you are and not try and change you. Unfortunately she is probably right now on the phone to an elder about how the can persuade you to come back to the fold. I know in my situation, my ex was trying to decide as to if she wanted to stay in the marriage or not when this elder said to my ex, "you know you will be married to a non believer", which pretty much made up my ex's mind as to a finale decision. It will all come down to either you are for me or against me.
All the best,
Will
(((ithinkisee)))
Your wife doesn't really realize it, but she NEEDS you to love her unconditionally. Please follow Cruzan's advice. Help her out around the house, get more involved with the kids, take her flowers. She really needs some support as her whole world just got shook up within a few hours. It is crushing...I remember. Just keep loving her and giving her lots of affection...she needs that to understand you are not leaving.
You're in my prayers. Anything else we can do???
Andi
Make sure you let her know that your devotion to her, to your children and to living a life of good morals is who YOU are and is not linked to your agreement or involvement with the WBTS.
Well, man, the worst is over. You've got a lot of good advice already. Now, it comes down to seeing what comes next.
Speaking from personal experience, your evening went about as well at it could have gone. It cannot possibly go well, and it could have been a lot, lot, worse. She seems to have at least a partially open mind, and that's all that you can ask for. It sounds like she already knew some of the flaws, and now she knows a lot more of them. Let her work on them, and just be really nice to her.
Seeing the first crack in the wall is very difficult. Seeing the next one is easier. Seeing that the whole wall is cracked and falling down happens quickly and all at once (or not at all).
