ITHINKISEE: The SH*T hit the fan last night. (Update!) (page 7)

daystar

I couldn't say it better than stevenyc has.

She asked a unique one (I thought). She said, "Is it somehow possible to maybe be a Witness but not really believe everything they teach?" Man, I wrestled with that thought all the time during the period before I walked away. Buddy, you hit the nail on the head with that one. That is exactly how so very many of them are able to stay in the truth. To me, it had to be all or nothing. If they were God's spokespersons on earth, you had to take it all very seriosly. Yet most, it seemed were able to just let the thousands of questions go unasked. For example, I remember feeling pretty crummy when I read in the WT study article something like this (paraphrase): "to the extent you love Jehovah you will be found in field service." Also: "Can you justify before Jehovah why you are not pioneering?" I asked about this and just got platitudes. Their interpretation of scriptures like the "two witnesses prophesying in the broad way" and the special assemblies in the early twentieth century which were in fulfillment of divne prophecies in which they recieved special understandings--these special assemblies were proof of Jesus selecting them to be the f&d slave. Yet they have long abandoned these "special insights" they were given a long time ago. COC explained this beautifully.

tweety

Thanks for posting your story and sharing this with us. There is a lot of good suggestions here from everyone!

You have given your wife a lot to think about. I often find that I will go off by myself (usually running) and analyze a situation, just to clear my thoughts. Maybe that is what she is doing right now.

In your conversations with her you seem to go back to the same subject, which is your two daughters. Try to give her some support or ideas on how you would raise them, if all of you were not JW's.

Dee

Alleymom

ITIS --

We are all rooting for you and your wife. Wow, you two have really been through the emotional wringer over this. I am glad the whole thing finally came out and you were able to get it off your chest.

I am so relieved that you are telling each other how much you love each other. Reading how you and your wife have been crying together and hugging each other brings tears to my eyes. Oh, how I pray that it all works out for you two!

I thought Andi's advice was excellent about the praying together, btw. Holding each other's hands and praying out loud together is such an intimate thing to do. I don't know where you are in terms of your faith right now, but as a Christian I do believe there's a wonderful world of faith and fellowship waiting for you outside of the Watchtower. It's something you can explore at your own pace if and when you feel ready, with no pressure.

It may be a long, long time before you would ever be ready to even think about it --- "once burned, twice shy," as the saying goes. But in the meantime, you can pray and read the Bible together and ask God to guide you one day at a time.

Blessings, prayers, best wishes, love, etc.!
Marjorie

GentlyFeral

TheListener said:

Your wife is completely convinced that if you can leave Jehovah you can leave her.

Head this off at the pass quick. Breaking down the walls of "headship", "submissiveness" and other legalistic bullshit ~~can~~ will bring you closer together as partners – as lovers.

gently feral

Winston Smith :>D

Hi ithinkisee,

You likely don’t know me as I don’t really post here much anymore, but a friend pointed out this topic to me and that it would be nice if I gave my $.02 for you.

You can look through my history if you want, I was in a similar situation as you with a hard-core wife [regular pioneering] but no kids. I too was finding things out about 607/1914/1975 that bugged me and finally got me out.

But my wife saw that there was a problem and we talked.

I must say that your discussion went a hell of a lot better than ours did I didn’t get to show the information that you did, and there was a lot of screaming at me and some pretty nasty accusations flung my way. Understandably so, she loves me and the worst thing I could do was become an “apostate” and leave her alone in this world only to make it through the Big-A but see me die.

Your wife seems to be open to discussion, which is good.

IMPORTANT: you must make sure that she DOES NOT go to any elders trying to help you! My wife did that behind my back, with good intentions of trying to rescue me. It got me in-between a rock and a hard place trying to keep peace with my wife and not alarming the elders.

Other than that, one thing I have found is this:

Whatever door you entered the JW’s, this is the same door you will use to leave.

Reread that. It’s important to understand.

The reasons you stayed a JW are not the same reasons your wife does. Having the ultimate truth and dates to support your beliefs were up are important to you [as it as me]; your wife may not really care about those things. She may be in for family, a social circle, altruism and helping others, etc…

Find her door and don’t force her through yours.

It looks like you are doing a wonderful job in talking to your wife in a kind way. I would take that to the next step and DO NOT bring up any additional matters regarding YOUR ISSUES with the JW’s unless she asks. And when you do talk about the issues, do so with kindness and free of negativity or hatred against the JW’s. If you don’t temper your discussions with love then she may interpret you as a “tool of Satan” coming at her in any type of negative manner. All you will succeed in is winning your wife a part on the next assembly regarding how she endured your “burning missiles”. But you seem to be doing a great job with this, congrats.

Lastly, treat her like you are just starting to date her. Like you have to win her heart all over again, because honestly, that’s what you are going to have to do. Setup date nights once a week if you can. Go see a movie or do dinner. Get some ice cream, walk through the park, whatever the two of you enjoy doing. Just the two of you and not with other JW’s tagging along. Let her know that you love her, show her you love her, and don’t let another JW [elder or whatever] come in between the two of you.

Good luck!

candidlynuts

what a wonderful post winston!

good advice for all of us dealing with jw relatives.

Mulan

This is all so familiar to what happened in our marriage. I cried and raged and blamed him for doing this to our family, for ruining our lives.

But in the end, I had to capitulate and agree that all he told me was true.

He played it well, just like you are doing.............a little at a time, and he would leave things out for me to read. It was overwhelming. I don't know if you can appreciate what she knows is at risk............I know exactly how she feels. Absolutely everything will change and she knows that. Dave was an elder, and had been for 25 years and I had been a pioneer, so I knew all of that was over forever. My entire identity and reputation was going to be destroyed......... and soon.

We actually tried to stay in, and just not believe it all, but it became unbearable as time went on. He ultimately had to resign as an elder, and we slowly faded away.

We didn't have the option of moving so far away, so I urge you to do that. It does seem to be the answer for you. I am so happy your children are still young. Ours were grown, but all four (and their families) have left now and our family is unitedly not JW's.

Good job! Keep showering her with love and validation. You are doing great!!

Billygoat

Winston,

Wise words my friend! Good to see you here again. We've missed you!

Andi

willyloman

I have to tell you that reading Romans, Galatians, and Ephesians opened my eyes WIDE to the organization's BS. ...it's very plain: Jesus is the mediator...not mankind. Salvation is based on grace, not works, not hours in field service, meetings, etc. It blew the lid off the can for me! I realize now that I can never go back...they DON'T have the Truth.

I had the same experience, reading Galatians and having the scales fall from my eyes. I'd just add one thing: read from a modern translation of some sort, not the NWT - the JW bible contains too many buzzwords and you'll soon be distracted from the meaning of what you're reading and wander off into recalling the official dub "application" of various scriptures.

As for ithinkisee's story, it's gut wrenching. Thanks for sharing it with us. Be careful.

Having just gone thru this, I can tell you that it IS possible to live a happy life without a Kingdom Hall in it. My wife and I are still in love and we're both out, as is our whole family. The freedom is just exhilarating. The need to judge other human beings has gone completely away and that is so refreshing. It was scary at first. We took it one day at a time and utilized most of the advice you've been reading here over these past four pages. Much of that advice came from this forum in earlier, similar threads. Having a support group like this is invaluable!

Count on our support and prayers, for both you and your wife.

ITHINKISEE: The SH*T hit the fan last night. (Update!)