Living Alone... How Do You Do It?

by FMZ 54 Replies latest jw friends

  • wanderlustguy

    I'm actually starting to enjoy it a little. Yea, I get lonely at times, but then I do something I want to do that might not happen with someone else around. I can write for hours, read, draw, work on my project truck, anything and no one can get mad at me for neglecting them. It's pretty damn cool.

    I went to a "social club event" here in town...big mistake, but I felt a lot better about myself after hanging with those losers for a couple of hours...oh, yea...bless their heart.

    Try to think of the things you used to want to do but couldn't because of other obligations...and do them.


  • Finally-Free

    For the past year I've been living alone for the first time. It was pretty depressing at first, but now I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm free to come and go as I please. I eat when I want, and cook what I want. And I no longer have anyone getting on my case for eating a lousy peanut butter sandwich in the evening. I've got 2 turtles, a cockateil, and a cockatoo as pets. They're great companions. (Tip - if you get a large bird like a cockatoo or other parrot, they require a LOT of attention and love. Don't get one if you don't have much time to spend with it. And they have a very long lifespan, so think long term. Research before getting a large bird is very important.)

    I was pretty isolated as a JW, as I didn't have any friends, so now I'm quite comfortable being alone. My biggest challenge is getting my ass out of the house and forcing myself to interact with people.


  • ozziepost


    what happened??!! It was just on a year ago you were making your trip to the UK

    Still, having your own pad can have its good points.

    Ozzie (still upside-down class)

  • LittleToe

    ~suddenly remembers he never had a house-warming~

  • Crumpet

    FMZ - I know lots of people who feel like you FMZ. But you really can learn to relish it. I absolutely adore having the house to myself. I take holidays by myself and alwys have done when in and out of relationships. I take days off from work just so I can be alone.You just have more room to think and be yourself. I do find it quite hard having to compromise all the time and worse still deal with the mess and conflict of other people in my space.

    But if you are a people person then do definitely make an effort to get to know your neighbours - there's bound to be a couple in your vicinity who are kindred spirits. And its just cool to pop round.

    Hoep thinsg work out and you can see this as a new start and something that's fun - an adventure.

  • Joyzabel
    ~suddenly remembers he never had a house-warming~

    fix it up and they will come. just j/king. I loved your place. Great party place.

  • Frog

    In my opinion FMZ (is that right??) I don't think that living alone is terribly healthy even for the most neurotic perfectionist who is impossible to live with! I think at the heart of things home should be somewhere that you feel loved, accepted and supported, and this is ultimately what we're all aiming for. While the majority of us are deprived from the ideal of immediate family, this can be recreated through true friends. I love living with people, knowing that I can tap into the association whenever I need it, and knowing that someone is expecting me at home. I hate the thought that I could be missing for days and nodoby would know. I think having that in the back of your mind isn't at all health. It's important to know that you contribute to a happy home, where people are comfortable to be entirely their pyjama ice-cream eating no make-up no pretense selves:)) I vow to never live alone, unless I am the last homosapien in existence! Frog x

  • jgnat

    I've only lived alone two years. I didn't like it. Too quiet. Before cable got hooked up, I kept the radio on for background noise.

    I get the impression that single people who live alone don't hang about the house much. They join up for lots of activities outside the apartment. All of a sudden you are going to have all kinds of spare time. Be creative filling it up.

  • Lady Lee
    Lady Lee

    OK I haven't read the whole thread so be warned...

    I'm living alone again and am loving it. I have all this time to do whatever I want. I go where I want and eat what I want. I go to sleep when I want and get up when I want.

    If I go out I go at my pace. If I feel like stopping for a few minutes I do it without feeling guilty at slowing down someone else.

    I have no one to criticize my choices in reading material or TV shows (not that I have even plugged in the TV yet). No one to tell me I should eat more ... or less. or that I'm putting on too much weight.

    If I want to just sit and watch the sunset from my sunroom that is just big enough for my rocking chair (yes there are times when I get out of the wheelchair) and me I don't have to hurry because someone else is telling me to hurry up.

    Once I get all the boxes out of the way and actually feel propery moved in I'm going to savor each and every moment alone.

    And there are people I could do things with. But right now I need the alone time just for me. Mind you I tend to be an alone kind of person now.

    Hmmmm but I wasn't always like this. I used to hate being alone. I had to learn what my needs where and give myself permission to take care of just me. Believe me - that alone was a huge hurdle. I was never ever allowed to take care of just me.

    I had to learn what kinds of things I enjoyed. Right now I am in my glory just roaming through Ottawa with a camera and stopping whenever and where ever I want. I have pictures of rabbits, muskrats, geese, ducks, swans, squirrels, trees, sunsets, buildings, beaches, airplanes. I take pictures of anything that grabs my attention.

    The other thing I find I am doing now is talking to strangers. Just a "Hi" or "Nice day" or chatting with people who are seeing the same things I am. One day I was on the bike path and the was a gaggle of geese - mother and all her babies following behind. I stopped to take pictures and a buch of other people stopped to watch and chat. Same thing happened when I saw the swans. As I took pictures other people stopped to see what I was looking at and they all chatted a bit.

    Start exploring. Maybe you'll find some things to enjoy.

  • prophecor

    FMZ, my response was made in an effort to hopefully help you to see things from a different perspective. I got my first apartment late in my life. Independence was something that took years for me to attain. With being around my family until after 30, after baptism and having no real skills, social or practical living to rely on, when I did finally get out on my own, within the space less than 60 days, I was already seeking out a previous relationship that'd gone awry.

    I never gave myself an opportunity to get comfortable with being around me. I almost got it right, and when I got to the point where I didn't mind being around me anymore, I jumped right back in a relationship. I never gave myself a chance to be all right with me and enjoy my own world. I quickly took on the responsibilities of someone elses difficulties in life, and in the end wound up chasing, a still often illusive shot at finding fulfillment in a relationship.

    People will come and go in your life, but you are the only one who truly has to live with yourself. Relationships in this me first day and age, are the hardest things in this world to grow, nurture and cultivate. You've got a lot of time left in your life. I wish that you would give yourself a chance to do the things that are going to bring you satisfaction in the long run. It may seem like a lonely road having to be by yourself, but If I had a dollar for everythime I wished I could be single with no hassles of having a S.O. in my life, adjusting, adapting and the wrestling for control issues that come up in so many relationships.........well,...... I'm truly starting to envy you so I'll leave it at that.

    Get to know yourself, learn to take yourself out for walks, going to the mall. Watch all the newly found couples holding hands and being all gooey eyed, and know that much of it is often just that, it's all an illusion. In 6 months to a year, when those same people get to really know each other, the relationship changes and they come to learn who they're truly dealing with, many of those same lovebirds within the space of one year will have either moved on to greener pastures, or so they thought, or will be suffering in the same love-hate relationship that so many of us are, already. If I had the chance to do it all again............?

    The answers are truly unsettling

    New love will come better your way if you come to love your own space, your own company, and never have need for anyone other than yourself, first.

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