My Story.................

by whyamihere 50 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  Sunspot

  (((((Brooke)))))

  My goodness! I hardly know what to say.

  I well know how it feels to live under that shadow of "I'm not good enough". I have felt that way (with good reason---just ask my parents) for as long as I can remember. (actually my mother died not having spoken to me in three decades---her choice)

  My parents were alcoholics too, but upper middle class. I used to be so ashamed of them on summer nights when all the windows were open. They were always (like the WTS) SO painfully aware of their "image" in front of the neighbors, yet they blew it all once summer came.

  I constantly heard "why can't you get better marks like so-and-so, or swim better (I failed swimming lessons twice), and was forced to do things I hated (like taking ballroom dance classes and joining the Rainbow Girls) ugh---it just wasn't ME!

  I felt so miserable and alone. Even when I got married---they picked at where I lived, or how I dressed my kids, etc. Always the criticism. When I eventually became a JW (they weren't) they were even worse. They ended up disowning me shortly after. Said that I was like a stone in their shoe and they were shaking me out of their lives. Really.

  Being a JW, I thought that I had finally found a family that approved of me and we were all of the same mind. For a while. Then the "you aren't doing enough" and "you're not good enough" started all over again.

  It's a terrible way to live.

  I'm happy for you that you have made your way out of the forest of huge trees and tangled brambles that have once held you back.

  Love and hugs,

  Annie
• 

  Netty

  Netty,

  I stayed at home to make sure my brothers had a normal life. I took care of them as if they were my own. I always will. They know at anytime they can call me up and I would drop everything to help them no questions asked. I have done everything I could to help them become young men

  You are awesome! They are so lucky to have you! I am sure you have made an incredible difference in their lives. Hearing stuff like this is heartwarming. I like it!
• 

  Nikita

  (((((((((((Brooke))))))))))))

  Sounds like they are the ones NOT good enough! Thanks for sharing your story.

  Nikita aka Leslie
• 

  crazyblondeb

  Brooke,

  Thanks for sharing your story. I feel your pain! I raised 3 sisters and a brother. I even got reinstated once because I felt I had to be there to protect them. You've gone thru alot of pain to get where you are! I hope to really get to know you better!

  shelley
• 

  outoftheorg

  It is not often to hear from a child that stepped in and took over the responsibilities of the parents due to alcohol or other issues.

  And virtually raise their siblings and do a damned good job of it.

  Then along comes Brooke and Shelley and others on this forum.

  Your restore our respect for mankind.

  You are truly to be commended.

  Outotheorg
• 

  ivy

  Brooke, your strength is amazing, and your story will stay in my mind.
  The thing that really resonates with me is how you broke the cycle. You did not become your parents. You are a loving, caring mother to those children. That much is apparent through many of your posts. They are lucky to have you.
  I understand what you mean when you say "I needed her because if I didn't I don't think I would be here." I don't think I would still be here if it weren't for my son. His existence made me need to be alive and the best person I can be.
  Yes, you can go back to school. It's never too late. Do it now. Do it one little step at a time. When you reach a barrier, get mad at it and trample all over it. We will all be here cheering you on.
• 

  prophecor

  Thanks Brooke. We never really know who we're talking to often times here, as it is so easy to take this place on JWD for granted. You are one of the gifts that this place is blessed with. Though I know you not, I feel, somehow, that I've known you all my life, with you as I do with so many of you here. Something wonderful's gonna' happen for you oneday, Brooke. I can feel it. I believe it. I hope you can and do. You are truly an extrodinary uniquely gifted soul. It is such a pleasure to make your acquaintance.

  Arthur
• 

  PaulJ

  Thanks for your story Brooke. Youve not had an easy ride have you???

  Im an optimist and I think that something good can come out of everything- even the awful things you have had to endure for all those years. Personally Ive been through a lot of crap too, but different crap from yours (i'll prob tell my story soon anyway) but I realised im better equipped now to help other people going thru similar probs to myself. Its certainly helped me gain more self-respect.

  Anyway- keep strong, im new here really but i can tell you are an asset to these boards.

  Paul
• 

  Podiatrist

  Thank you for sharing this Brooke
• 

  katiekitten

  You are amazing Brooke. You are worth 100 of those lousy rotten dubs who shunned you.

  You give the rest of us strength. Thanks for sharing.