Serious business

by brandnew 55 Replies latest social humour

  • brandnew
  • SadElder

    The Operating Committee having been consulted, and after several fact finding three hour meetings, has determined that paper rolls in the brother's restroom should be over, and rolls in the sister's restroom should be under. However, at the beginning of each service year (September 1) rotation will be swapped in each restroom.

    During the meetings held the brothers were unable to determine if quilted Northern or Charmin tissue should be purchased and whether only white should be used with out colors or printing? The Service Committees of all congregations were duly consulted, but no consensus was achieved. Accordingly a letter signed by all members of each Service Committee has been forwarded to Tony "spanx the monkey" Morris for an official ruling. Until such time as a response is received each congregation publisher should bring their own toilet tissue roll to each meeting. To avoid overloading the septic system, publishers are advised to use only one sheet per toilet visit.

    Your brothers,

    Kingdom Hall Operating Committee

  • Blackfalcon98

    Over if you want comfort

    Under if you want savings

  • brandnew

    @SadElder.....BWAAAAAAA HAAAAAAA HAAAAAAAA ! ! ! ! !! ! 

    in a elvis presley drawl........thank you......thank you verr muuch.

  • SadElder

    brandnew: you're welcome

    I couldn't help myself. The computer made me do it.

  • cantleave
    Just use a sponge on a stick like the Romans did.
  • stuckinarut2

    Sadelder... That was gold!

    I was waiting for someone to bring a "theocratic" or "scriptural" angle to this debate!

    1 Tim 2:20-23 

    In a toilet and bathroom, there are utensils not only of gold and silver but also of wood and earthenware, and some for an honorable use but others for a use lacking honor. Yes, some are designed to wipe ones backside. 21 So if anyone keeps clear of the latter ones, he will be an instrument for an honorable use, sanctified, useful to his owner, prepared for every good work. 22 So flee from toilet paper debates and desires, but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a clean heart. 23 Further, reject foolish and ignorant debates, knowing that it is established here in scripture that the roll is to go over, never under, for that would be falling into the snares of the devil....

  • Blackfalcon98
    Stuck.......(Facepalm) lol
  • brandnew
    @stuckinarut2 & two look related somehow, is it the claws, or the green body? LOL ! ! ! ! !
  • Hairtrigger


    125 eldubs sat down, in a red  heated debate

    About toilet paper, and its rightful, hanging state

    The overseer  then VOCALIZED , his VOICE LIKE thunder

    Should Toilet paper be rolled over,  or JUST under?

    A silence ensued, while the gathering squirmed

    Some sedulously into, their grey  bibles wormed

    Others looked hither, or whither and thither

    A few wanted out, and began secretly to slither

    Most didn’t know, which  way to  really turn

    The question really  fogged them, their minds began to churn

    Five thought of this and ten thought of that

    Finally,  one that  got up – he was horribly fat.

    “My posterior is large and dumb though may soundl

    It’s a massive territory – and  covers  lot of ground

    So if all of you please –forgive me- but I do not waver

    I’d rather-ah! Ahem!  prefer a roll of  newspaper!!”

    Up jumped a whippersnapper, of no small renown

    He was angry and pink, and his brow was a frown

    “Pray, DO  tell Bro. Wide Ass – since you’re  so eager to choose

    Are yu teaching your dunghole  to REALLY read the  news?”

    Bro WideAss felt  insulted and jellied up  all flustered

    “Bro Stick I have no need to –no need..”, he blustered

    “Since your reading skills are miles ahead of the rest

    There’s no  need for mine,  to imitate the best

    The  rest looked at th’o’erseer -with mouths open wide

    How the heck was he to stem, this outrageous deride

    At last, the overseer, regained his his senses to bawl

    “Both of you –JUDICIAL COMMITTEE!—now out of this hall! “

    The culprits slunk  out,  though being quite pipped

    Drank their ire –didn’t want to be  - “disfellowshipped”!

    The debate resumed at last, with order restored

    Everyone now  wide-eyed - not a single one bored

    Then stood the  wizened, ole blighter McDrool

    “ I think, he croaked,” it should rest over the spool”.

    “Why”shouted others ,”dear ole Bro Mcdrool?

    Give us your reasons pray ,don’t think us mere fools”

    “Sometimes when I wipe, a few dirty stains

    On my bony hands  sans  paper,  slimily remain

    When it’s o’er the spool, I reach - quickly  to glean

    The rest of the toilet paper, remains virginly clean.

    But sometimes when my hands are covered with shit

    And the toilet paper rests under, not over -to wit

    I reach to gather – but alas!  I’m ashamed -to go on..”

    “Forget  it Bro McDrool- we get it – you…moron

    You , every meeting, sully T- paper, spool after spool

    You don’t need a shitpot, but a  damn swimmin’ pool.

    Pray how much do yu dump each time you sit

    On that commode- bring us up to scratch –yu dimwit

    Bro. McDrool drew himself up, to his full adult height

    His arthritis was shakin’ him, but he got ready to fight

    Moron and dimwit? Those insults -you at me holler

    A man in his 80’s ? - now then -you closely me foller

    I was fukkin when yu were suckkin you shit- headed blimps

    Some were not even thought of,  your dear dads were pimps

    Your ugly mothers whored around , a dime an  S.T.D poke

    Sometime s for a penny, at other times  for a joke

    Now if you think your shit ,  don’t  fill a  dolls cup

    Yu can kiss my hairy ass,  yu  dumb whore’s pup!!

    Dumbfounded were all, chaos followed soon

    The over’seer had toppled over, in an unsavory swoon

    The meeting was disrupted with missiles being thrown

    A bethel committee was called in, all hurriedly sworn,

    To preside over this matter , on which  all agreed

    Unanimous was the consensus, then  they  decreed

    This was an issue, that  shamed  the great crowd

    It must be thrown out - the WT,  really, - was under a cloud

    What should be done, with this horrible plight

    They decided it was final- an apostate website!!

    So now, my friends yu know, how this q came here

    But we’ll solve it, even though,   be it many a year!!!

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